Would you send your baby to nursery if you were a stay at home mum ?

[Senseibility]

If you were a stay at home mum and could afford to happily send your baby to nursery one or two days a week would you? I do because we can afford to im chronically ill my husband is self employed working long unpredictable hours and we have no family help unless it was an emergency as they work. I just feel guilty about sending him even though he loves it. It’s helped cure my PPD and my home life is so much better because of it. I just feel like a bad mum and I desperately wanted to be a stay at home mum

I don't think she's getting it for free.
She wouldn't be entitled to any free hours.

My eldest was an only child for a long time. No cousins. I sent him for the 15 free hours they get when they’re 2 so he could play with other children

Op said her household can afford to pay for this so she is not using free childcare.

Children get 15 free hours from age 2 for socialising. Not every child has siblings or cousins.

Young toddlers i.e. 1-2 year olds are still in the solitary play phase. Onlooker/spectator play doesn’t start until age 2 and associate play is typically from 3. Therefore there’s no benefit of them socialising with peers before around age 2. Which is the main benefit of nursery, along with the EYFS curriculum but that’s also 3+. The other stuff is just basic care and you’d be hard pushed to argue there’s any actual benefit of that being done by nursery staff at a 1:3 ratio than 1:1 by the primary caregiver UNLESS there’s something going on with the family i.e. chronic illness. So yes absolutely I’d consider even the best nursery neutral for a child under 2 because it is literally just childcare, there’s no value add that you couldn’t do at home yourself, if you were able to have them at home. My eldest went to nursery from 1, I have no issue with it whatsoever, but it was so I could work not for her benefit.

The free childcare is for the child to learn to socialise. This is like saying school is meant to facilitate parents going to work

From 2 isn't universal (unless it changed in the last year or two).
All 3 year old get 15 hours from the academic school term after they turn 3.
Some 2 year olds get 15 if it's decided they need extra support.
(that's in England anyway).

I think you've misunderstood what 'solitary play' means (or how it relates to children's needs). It means children at this age don't play with each other (playing with another child is quite a sophisticated skill).

That doesn't mean that children aged 1 and up don't need to interact with people other than their parents for stimulation. A good nursery, obviously, allows a child to interact with other people, and this is beneficial.

It's not that anyone thinks one-year-olds are playing ball together. It's that a child sees and notices what other people (children and adults) are doing, and that's very good for them.

No I wouldn’t and I didn’t. But your situation is entirely different and doesn’t need to be justified to anyone. Look after yourself OP and enjoy the breaks. Your baby will thrive.

I wouldn't and didn't but that doesn't mean other people's circumstances don't make it the best choice for them.

My 8 year old went to nursery from age 2 for 15 hours here in England no extra support needs

Were you on a low income?
It's not universal so not all 2 year olds get it.
Basically low income (and recieving specific benefits) or possible SEN is the main criteria.
It's not totally universal until 3.

No SEN not poor. Loads of other 2 year olds also there. It was great for getting him out his shell as he had no siblings at the time or cousins and I had no friends with kids (had him super young even now none of my friends my age have had kids).

Nursery isn’t just about the parent it’s good for the kids too

I did, very similar to you I had multiple chronic illnesses and needed time for medical appointments. We had moved abroad and had no family or friends to help us. I wouldn’t have survived without it and in all honesty I was too ill to do a great job parenting (I was good not great) and they were amazing with DS.

Yes, and I do. I wasn’t going to start DC until 2 but DC saw their sibling going and really wanted to go too, so he’s been going 2-3 days a week since 1 year old and he absolutely loves it. Elder DC had started nursery when I still worked.

You must have qualified under some scheme because it's really not universal for all 2 year olds (maybe you qualified because you were a young parent 🤔)
But anyway...the OP was talking about a baby - not a toddler (which is what a 2 year old is).
I agree that's nursery is good for the child - which is why my girl went at age 3 when she became entitled to the universal 15 free hours.

Until they were three, no. Sorry.

Had a scheme because I was 16 so I could go to college when he was a baby and he went to the college nursery.
But the nursery he went to at 2 was a different one just phoned them up and got him in there they didn’t know how old I was

In normal circumstances no as the whole idea of being a stay at home parent is that you get the privilege of looking after your own child but in your circumstances I would due to your chronic illness - I’m a fit and healthy SAHM and it’s hard work for me.

I'm a SAHM and my little girl goes to our village preschool 1 morning a week since she turned 2. We've been going to their baby group once a week since she was a few months old so we know how the staff are. SAHM need a break too

Not until 3. Having worked in several nurseries there really is no benefit for the children until 3, and even then a SAHM could easily replicate it with a class or two a week (gymnastics/ football/ ballet - something where they are expected to listen to a teacher) and going to playgroups/ having play dates with friends.

Nothing special happens at nurseries and many are dreadful.

For three year old the ratio is 8 children to one adult. How could that be better than one to one/ however many children to one parent?

YANBU because you mentioned you are also ‘chronically ill’ with very limited support from anyone else. Managing your own ill health whilst caring for babies/toddlers must be extremely demanding, so it’s good to hear you’ve found a supportive Nursery for you all 💐

I would and did with all my children from the age of 2, because it was beneficial for them.

In your circumstances, I wouldn’t hesitate.

Don’t give it any further thought.

No I wouldn’t & didn’t. We went to play groups, soft play and toddler groups etc but there was no need for them to be away from their main carer. I never wanted a break from them, I loved being with them.