Would you send your baby to nursery if you were a stay at home mum ?

[Senseibility]

If you were a stay at home mum and could afford to happily send your baby to nursery one or two days a week would you? I do because we can afford to im chronically ill my husband is self employed working long unpredictable hours and we have no family help unless it was an emergency as they work. I just feel guilty about sending him even though he loves it. It’s helped cure my PPD and my home life is so much better because of it. I just feel like a bad mum and I desperately wanted to be a stay at home mum

I would, and I’m planning to, from around age 2

If the baby was over 1 yes I would or if I was struggling then yes I would as well.

No, definitely not. For me nursery is there for people needing to go back to work (which is most of us). If you aren't in that situation you should be raising your own child, or what's even the point of having them.

Huh?

All the parents who go back to work are raising their own children . OP would be as well if she uses nursery a couple of days a week to look after her health (indeed, she would be even if she used nursery 5 days a week)

If I was chronically ill with no family support I would absolutely use a nursery for some relief/help, sounds like you've made a good decision, don't question yourself.

My second DC went a few afternoons a week and my third a few mornings and then over time it went to four afternoons or mornings.

Depends on age of child. By the time they’re 3, a few mornings a week at nursery is a helpful pre-cursor to reception year at school. My mum was a reception teacher and always said you could really tell the kids who’d done nothing before school (many of them arrived not even properly potty trained). But if you enjoy having your child with you then intro to nursery can be mild and minimal. Equally, if you need a bit of time to get on with household chores/do things for yourself, no shame in that either.

For a couple of days, yes, probably post 18 months though.

I did with my first when second came along. It was lovely to have some bonding time with him and she was 3.5 when born.
in your situation I absolutely would, I have a debilitating disease now, and wouldn’t think twice

Both my DC went to nursery from 9 months ish when I went back to work. I left my eldest in nursery the 2 days a week she attended when I had my youngest. I think if it works for you, your DC & you can afford it then it’s good. I know some people aren’t keen on nurseries but my DC had great experiences there.

Does it work for you and your husband? Are you happy to pay for the nursery? If the answers are yes, then no one else’s opinion matters.
As soon as you start asking others, you’ll receive projections of other people’s decisions / insecurities / anxieties about their own choices.
I think you have to make a decision that’s right for you and your family and then live by that.
You’ll receive so many different opinions here ranging from ‘yes take them to nursery, they need socialising’ (let’s be honest, they really don’t til they are about 3), to ‘no you are a SAHM so you must suffer through everything as much as possible and be with your child 24/7’ (you don’t, it’s your life and you need to enjoy it too, don’t martyr yourself unnecessary). It’s a choice like the first of absolutely loads that you’ll make for the best interests of your child, yourself, your family. You don’t need to ask permission.

Define baby.

I work in early years and have worked in nurseries. Nursery I’d never send my young baby/toddler even if I need childcare for work! I would consider it for a boisterous child who would benefit from learning to be in a group ready for school otherwise I’m very anti nursery after what I’ve seen in ‘outstanding’ sought after nursery’s near me and being friendly with some of the staff.

I’d send them to a childminder from 6 months happily though. Or from birth with a nanny if I’m home anyway.

I also think preschool/childminder (with an assistant and a preschool group of kids) is essential for school readiness for 3 and 4 year olds.

BUT if I had PND and nursery was the only option I’d go for it yes. Sorting yourself out and being emotionally available and secure for baby will be beneficial in the long run. We are never going to get it perfect for our kids, what’s best for one won’t help another. You just have to do the best you can and PND is not to be minimised it’s bad for the baby and robs the mum of the joys of her baby so do what you need to to get better!

Yes

You'll be a better mother if you are rested mentally and physically. It's the right thing to do in your circumstances. Kids usually love it too.

I absolutely would in your situation. Taking care of a small child all the time with zero family help and partner working long hours is exhausting. Do what you need to do for you. Those saying they wouldn’t, probably have family to help. Not getting any help is so so hard, a lot of people take their position for granted.

I would, especially if I were chronically ill and my child loved going. Win win! Everyone does things differently, there's no "right way", don't feel guilty. We're all just doing what works for our own families

Being a stay at home parent doesn’t mean you have to be a martyr. If having childcare of any description (including family or someone you employ) makes your life easier or your child happier, then that is absolutely fine.

A friend of mine does this but for a toddler. She doesn't work but they have zero family support and can afford it 🤷🏽‍♀️

It really depends on the circumstances and on the child.

Well - you’re not just a SAHM, are you? You are chronically ill with a husband who works long hours.

I sent DD is nursery 2 days a week from when she turned 2. I’m not sure I would use a nursery myself under 2 but paid childcare? Yes, definitely.

Yes, in your shoes I would - because it's helping your PPD and making your home life better, and these things are really important, and 1-2 days seems sensible.

I think aside from that, from about age 1 I would do it anyway if I had a good nursery nearby. My DD got so much out of nursery. I absolutely loved it for her. And I think a couple of days is perfect from the age where they start enjoying being with other children onwards - it's enough they get the benefit, but not so much they get too tired or you miss out on the one-to-one with them. We did two half-days at first, and that was nicer than one full day, if that's an option. We went up to four afternoons later on, as well.

Of course! Kids need to be socialised and enjoy different kinds of play and exposure to things.

As an anecdote I have had a few reception teachers say they can always tell a kid that has been to nursery in a positive way.

Dont beat yourself up. A lot of kids go to nursery and are amazing children later on. If your kid loves it then what’s the issue?

(And definitely don't beat yourself up! Your health and level of tiredness really matters here.)

I did. DH was in the army and away for months at a time. Those two mornings were the only time I wasn't 100% responsible for DD1. Then when DD1 was 3 and DD2 was 18months, I staggered their times so I had one morning to myself and one morning with DD1 without DD2

This. Like the OP I have no family support, my husband has a demanding job working unsocial hours and unlike the OP I’m not chronically ill. I don’t know how I’d cope without the option of paid childcare.

Not when they were tiny and the thought of getting up and out for 8am was an insurmountable task 😅 but sure once they are bigger why not. As long as it is making life easier for everyone, it is A Good Thing.