Would you send your baby to nursery if you were a stay at home mum ?

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If you were a stay at home mum and could afford to happily send your baby to nursery one or two days a week would you? I do because we can afford to im chronically ill my husband is self employed working long unpredictable hours and we have no family help unless it was an emergency as they work. I just feel guilty about sending him even though he loves it. It’s helped cure my PPD and my home life is so much better because of it. I just feel like a bad mum and I desperately wanted to be a stay at home mum

No I didn’t. I had no family support and was/am chronically ill but wouldn’t have been comfortable sending my children to nursery when they were babies. Our 2 went once potty trained at 2 and a half.

Toddler yes, baby no.

Yes I would and put mine with a lovely childminder a day or 2 a week when I had PND and before going back to work.
PND is not chronic and you will get better though. In the meantime, enjoy the break. You might find you want to work part time in a few months as that can help you feel better.

I did, once a week with his older sister. I was struggling massively and very isolated. DH said wait till he’s 1 - he started at 1 year and 1 day old. It was only one day where mostly i lay on the sofa. Looking back I regret it, I didn’t feel better and he was too young (as an individual I know younger babies go)

DD is 2.5 years and she'll hopefully be starting one soon - we're expecting a sibling for her and I need her to have a little independence from me before baby comes.

I had contemplated nursery in the past just to get a few hours to myself in the week but I couldn't bring myself to do it in the end. Ultimately I don't feel like DD has lost out because of it because we still regularly attend stay and play sessions etc and she does get to socialise and make friends

That’s not true. It can continue for years and is known as persistent postpartum depression, major depression, or another related condition. Clearly yours wasn’t in the same league.

Absolutely yes, particularly in your situation. And don't feel guilty! You are chronically ill with no support so you need those 1 or 2 days a week to look after yourself and not risk your own health deteriorating. If your children are happy in their nursery it will also be really good for them. Getting them used to different situations is important. Keep those days for yourself and stay healthy. Far better to go to nursery a couple of days a week (like so many other children) than to have an ill, stressed mum.

Yes absolutely…….my son couldn’t wait to go.
He’d see his ds go off to school and want ti go too……,it was a job to get him home.
When I finally got him into nursery school , he took to it like a duck to water
on his trail day the teacher threw me out after 5 minutes as he’d settled so well

A combination of the undivided attention a SAHP can give along with all the benefits of an early years education and socialisation of nursery is nothing to feel guilty about OP.

Even when I was at p/t work I used to get a lot of TOIL and would have a day off a month without DD. I’d do all the things I couldn’t with her, hairdresser/dentist, cook things, clean, always made the rest of my life much easier.

WTF!!!

I was and still am a SAHM. As soon as mine turned 1 they went in for a day and then two days when they turned 2.

SAHMs are human and need a break from the relentlessness of parenting sometimes. Especially when the husband works long hours and there is no family nearby.

Using a small amount childcare doesn’t mean you’re not bringing your child up!

I was a single mum with health issues and mental health issues, a SEN child (i didnt know there was SEN at the time) and I had no help.

My child went to a childminder from a few months old. I mostly just slept, cleaned and went to appointments. She lived on the next road from me and was just amazing. I do think it depends on your circumstances and what benefits your family. I was a better mum for it.

Before I returned to full-time work DC was in nursery part-time and I had a day to myself that I always loved. After endless wakings at night and the trials of having a small toddler I was really grateful to have a few hours to myself. No family help either. So a couple of hours where DC was in childcare was fantastic to a tired mum!

Same. As soon as I was eligible for the 15 hours my little one goes to a childminder. He absolutely loves it there and I'm able to have those hours to get shit done and to have a bloody nap if I need one😂

I did. I have limited energy and no family support. It was the only way I wasn't going to be completely without breaks for five days a week. Child benefited greatly. No regrets.

If I didn’t need the childcare for work then I personally wouldn’t before age 2 and then would start with 2 mornings a week gradually building up so they go 5 mornings at 3 and then full time ish the term before they start school. But that’s me! A good nursery for a baby/young toddler isn’t beneficial but isn’t harmful either- I’d consider it totally neutral. So really comes down to what makes sense for your family. In your case with chronic illness, PPD and limited support then I think it seems like a really good idea and would do it without guilt or hesitation.

Mine went from four and five months and I went back to work pt. I didn’t need to go back to work at all but just needed a break. No help either.

being a stay at home Mum is a full-time job. Except you don’t get a weekend off. So it’s a constant job every single day of the week. It’s reasonable to want at least one or maybe two days off. And given your chronic illness, I think you would be doing your health a disservice if you didn’t take advantage of this. Your children deserve a well rested Mum and you deserve the rest.

😄😄 it was a non negotiable, mummy deserves some peace, even if it is only 3 hours a day

Absolutely. In ye olden days of most women being SAHM, most would have had their mothers living nearby (and obviously also not working), and on average larger extended families with more sisters/SIL to share childcare, and more young women out of school looking to earn a bit of money or just help out. My own nan went to stay with a relative to be a mother's help when she was about 16.

The way we are expected nowadays to look after our children on our own all day with no help is absolutely not natural, and is overwhelming for many. If you're also ill and your DH works long hours, no wonder you need a bit of a break.

Well no - if you're a SAHM and it's your role e.g. you don't the work, the clue is in the title really. Surely the free childcare is meant to facilitate parents going out to work?

I think, with respect, if a nursery isn't beneficial for a young toddler, then it is not a good nursery.

Obviously some of us have to make hard decisions and end up with a nursery we know is the best option but still not wonderful. But a genuinely good nursery ought to be beneficial for a child old enough to be enjoying interacting with other children/adults than its parents.

I do two mornings a week from just before 1st birthday.

DH works from home, so those mornings are lovely for some couple time, going out for brunch or go to the gym.

Or if he's too busy just having a lie in or catching up on jobs or doing hobbies.

We have no family support, so it would be us 24/7 if not for those mornings.

Yes. I have done so in the past and continue to do so now.

Our now 6 year old twins started attending nursery 2 days a week just before they turned 2. It went up to 3 days after about a year. This was partially due to recommendations from their developmental team (preemies) but also because I was utterly drained tbh.

Our now 3 year old started at 11 months but only went for 1 day. Same nursery as the older 2 so went on 1 of the days they went. Purely for me to have a breather and to catch up on life basically as 3 under 3 was pretty intense. We then moved areas and a few months later (I was pregnant and had all the kids at home all day every day during this time) the twins started school and she started going to a new nursery 2 days a week.

The now 1 year old baby started nursery a few months ago on the same 2 days as our 3 year old.

I don't feel remotely guilty about it or anything like that. I have my reasons and I'm comfortable with it. It's also been very beneficial for them as much as some people like to act as though it's practically criminal and the poor kids are getting torn away from their parents at such a young age and traumatised by it 😂

Yes