People that vanish and don`t want to be found

[TheCheekySloth]

Just been watching a documentary about people that have vanished basically evaporated.
Some just up and left no warnings no fall outs no coming back.
Others left for other reasons, reasons some of us would think are silly.
But to just wake up walk out never come back.
No calls messages nothing they just evaporated.

This got me thinking does this happen more than we think, i dont know anyone that as done it.
Would you do it?
I dont know if i could as ive cut most out of my life, but to just evaporate is a different level.

This reminds me of the 'Into the Wild' book by Jon Krakauer about Chris McCandless who basically left home without telling his family and disappeared. Some see it as some kind of journey of enlightenment or an odyssey. I just think he was a colossal selfish prick.

Sorry - I am from the US originally and I should have clarified I meant the US. Obviously, that wouldn't work in the UK. I am wondering if the sort of story the previous poster mentioned was as common in the US and it was in the UK, though.

She wouldn't have had childcare if she didn't have her family around her. No welfare state would have meant the workhouse and being separated from her child

There were lots of home working jobs for women. And there'd often be a neighbour who ran a 'school', otherwise childminding. Hence the 2yo 'scholars' you see on the census.

"Most" missing persons do turn up. It must be incredibly difficult to simply disappear in UK with - as others say - the need for identity to get a job, rent a room etc. It used to be simpler to get false papers [provisional driving licence for example] or to get a bank account.

If the police do trace someone they may be able to say that he is alive and well but no more.

God, her poor parents.

Precisely what happened with me.

I left home at 18, no contact whatsoever with my parents for the first six months. My mother didn't even bother to ask where I was going or who I was going to be with when I announced I was leaving, which just confirmed for me that I shouldn't feel any guilt about completely ignoring her.

I got back in touch purely because I wanted to maintain some sort of relationship with my Father, but despite decades of being civil and making overtures about developing some sort of relationship, my Mother never once admitted to any of her appalling behaviours that drove me away, let alone offered any sort of apology.

My Father passed away, and in the aftermath my Mother returned to being just as vile and unpleasant as she was when I was a teen, so I completely stopped all contact with her. She became ill and passed away, I didn't get in touch despite knowing she was ill because as far as I'm concerned she didn't deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. Didn't know she had passed until the solicitor got in touch. I don't miss her and don't regret my decisions.

As touched upon earlier in the thread, it isn't remotely the case that relatives will always be distraught when a child more or less vanishes off the face of the earth. My own Mother evidently didn't care one jot. Not only that, but many of the very people responsible for children electing to "disappear" will be incapable of grasping that they themselves are the sole reason their child has taken that decision.

Something similar happened with my sibling, the golden child, and my Mother wailed "poor me!" non stop for years. Just didn't occur to her what the common thread was at all.

I've done a fair amount of family tree research and on censuses it is quite common to see a woman as the head of the household with the occupation as 'laundress'. In other words, they took in laundry to make ends meet.

I think it's the not knowing that would be the hardest part. I would need to know what happened/why. Not knowing if they are dead or alive must be horrible. Always wondering if they were going to walk through the door one day.

@changedusername190
wishing you well. I hope wherever you end up is a happy new life for you.

I had this fleeting thought earlier but I’m not in a great place. I’m burnt out and unhappy but I’d not leave for my family’s sake.
I can 100% see why people do it.

My ex did this, 6 months after he phoned to say he wasn't coming home (4 weeks after we bought a house). This was about 20 years ago, no idea what happened to him, funny timing this thread as I hadn't thought about him for years until last week when I bumped into his best pal from back then

That was a very cruel thing for him to do

my nephew went 5 years ago, and no one knows where he is. All we know is that he had a court date just before he went, but no idea what for. in the past, he had committed some fraud, but we know he was going out with a girl who was below the age of consent, so we did wonder if he was facing charges for that, but we will never know. he took his van, but it's never been traced. we did think we saw him once, briefly, but he disappeared before we could say anything

My Dad`s cousin's son did this.
Upped and offed and left his wife and two small children. Disappeared into the ether for about 15 years. He then showed up again, told his parents he hated them and that's why he'd left, because they'd made his life a misery and then disappeared again and hasn't been seen since.

Can you say how you managed about a bank account, change of identity etc? I often wonder how people manage this these days with all the id requirements.

I don’t doubt my ideas are very blinkered. Suspect I’ve read too many novels with women travelling large distances to live-in employment… although that said, my grandmother was one of them. She did have an alive but estranged husband living abroad who helped in that he had contacts who gave her employment but otherwise she had very little support (and 2 children in tow). She was orphaned herself at 2 and had no other family.

I have to say that when I am exhausted, overwhelmed and burned out, the idea of just walking away and starting again does sound attractive. Not that I would ever do it. But the idea of a fresh start with no baggage has an appeal.

How incredibly awful for her.

I deed poll changed my name and then changed everything else, my bank, my driving licence are all in my deed poll name. The people who witness the deed poll don’t need to have known you any length of time, they just need to be over 18, I used a solicitor to avoid awkward convos, but it’s not needed you can literally print off the deed poll template for free and you can do it for free with anyone signing who’s willing, then take or send it into various institutions and get it changed. Relatively simple and you don’t need to do an enrolled deed poll unless you’re under 18 I think.

Why did you do it?

I know of someone whose father left a message to say he was going to jump off a ferry and drown. They all assumed he had done this, no body was ever found. I do wonder though if he started another life somewhere else. He had suffered from depression in the past.

Erm, if that was for me, I didn't/haven't. I was just interested in how people managed with the admin.

No it was for Lemon

I just don’t have a nice family is what it boils down too and I never want to be traced down, talked to or bumped into or whatever by them.

I'm from Dublin and I always think of him.
40 years is a long time
Hope nothing happened to him.