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Original poster

Partners ex threatening to withhold contact

104 replies

Tumblingthroughlife · 15/11/2025 09:13

Advice needed-
My partner and I are planning on moving in together in the next year . He has a 6 year old son who we have gradually introduced to my children, spending more time together and they get on very well. He has him for 1 night every other weekend and a few extra days in school holidays. His ex , who he separated from when the child was a baby has for some reason been very difficult about the whole thing.

The latest situation is that his son had a sleepover at my house last weekend , obviously with his dad there too. He shared a room (bunkbeds) with my 11 year old which is our plan for when we move in together as I only have a 3 bedroom house.
His ex has massively kicked off about this saying he is not permitted to stay here as it is not cohering to his 'requirements for personal space' . She says she won't allow any other sleepovers or for him to stay here unless he has his own room . Does she have a leg to stand on ? They do have a child arrangement order but there's nothing on that saying he can't share a room .
I'm worried this is going to stop us being able to live together if she starts to withhold contact.

For reference, the ex moved three hours away from our area years ago, is married to someone else and the child actually shares a room with his half sister full time.

OP posts:
MCF86 · 18/11/2025 18:38

Edrumay · 16/11/2025 18:00

Then you're part of the problem. I get where you're coming from, I really do, but you can't control what happens at his dad's, as much as you'd like to or feel entitled to. 'Making it difficult' is just another way to say using your kid as a weapon because you're not getting what you want. PPs have pointed out that the child doesn't get to see his dad very often, why make that even less often because it's not exactly what you want when he's there?

Show quote history

it wouldn't be that he's not "where I want", it would be that I wouldn't trust he was safe. And I would be questioning his dads parenting choices in that he'd rather shack up in a house too small to safely accommodate the child he barely sees anyway.

Edrumay · 18/11/2025 18:38

BruFord · 18/11/2025 15:55

But how was his mum moving, remarrying and now sharing with a younger sister 'improved his situation'? This seems to be a one-sided argument, as usual. Dad and OP need to think about what's best, but mum can do whatever she likes.

@Edrumay That's my point though. His Mum seems to have put herself first so perhaps his Dad could do a better job for the poor kid? Just because one parent is selfish doesn’t mean that they both should be.

Personally, it doesn’t sound as if moving in together now will be great for this child or the OP’s children. Waiting a few years would be preferable.

I think, from the information we have, the only person this situation doesn't sound great for the mum. She wants to move on but prevent her ex from doing so.

There's no suggestion that the boys have any problem with it, that's all conjecture from people on here's imaginations. It's the mum that's kicking up a fuss.

BruFord · 18/11/2025 22:05

@Edrumay True that it’s conjecture, because many posters think that an unrelated 6 and 11-year-old are unlikely to want to share a room long term.

No one can know either way unless the OP returns and updates.

Interested in this thread?

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11 year olds 6 year olds Relationship problems
Edrumay · 19/11/2025 01:27

MCF86 · 18/11/2025 18:38

it wouldn't be that he's not "where I want", it would be that I wouldn't trust he was safe. And I would be questioning his dads parenting choices in that he'd rather shack up in a house too small to safely accommodate the child he barely sees anyway.

Show quote history

You can try and manipulate any situation by hyperventilating about 'safety'. Don't want something to happen? Call it unsafe! Want to do something different? Gloss over it and think it'll be OK. Voila!

I'm sure there'll be some stat you'll pull up from somewhere about some examples where there's been abuse in this set up. I'm equally sure you could pull up stats about abuse in almost any situation you can think of. So it's quite picky and choosy isn't it?

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