Guest says I starved her <shock>

[stringsoup]

Had a relative to stay for a few days, she just wanted to eat all time which we did not expect. I had cooked and baked which she ate (way more than us) then she said she wanted to get up in the night as she was so hungry!

What does her weight have to do with it?

The problem here is her poor manners and her lack of responsibility for her own large appetite.

She'll know she eats a lot, so she should've packed food to snack on.

I genuinely don't understand this, unless there are issues with dementia. Certainly my mother (almost 80) has no difficulty comprehending that her son-in-law and grandson have a far bigger appetite than she or my dad has, and caters accordingly. Having said that, she is regularly aghast at how much spaghetti I eat!

I think your cousin is rude. They were your guest and you catered to them reasonably. They have the ability to source additional food over and above if they want.

I am assuming (perhaps wrongly) that the whole list of items wasn't offered every day. It was spag bol one day, curry the next for example. Eggs one day, cereal the next?

Just soup for lunch?
Only cereal for breakfast? My guests get a full English plus toast and cereal, unlimited tea or fresh coffee, jam etc.

You are so much nicer than me, I would be telling them to stay elsewhere in the future. People are so entitled!

Cereal & soup would leave me feeling wobbly, I'm sensitive to blood sugar spikes.

Many years ago when I was a student, I was in a position of a shy summer live-in tutor for a short period of time, and to this day I remember the feeling of hunger in someone else's house. It was very unpleasant not because of the hunger itself, but because I thought 'how can they not see that they are being incredibly mean and mean-spirited at the same time?' These days I eat a lot less, but when I have guests, I heap the window sill in the guest room with bunches of bananas, oranges and tangerines, still in their cardboard Tesco boxes, and several packets of biscuits. All that in addition to huge portions at breakfast, lunch and dinner. I always make sure guests' plates are piled high so that they can't finish. If people want to be mean with food, I applaud them, that is there business, but their convictions should not extend to their guests.

Having said all that, unfortunately the guest was beyond rude to mention hunger. We don't know what the circumstances of this visit were - maybe OP is on the bread line and the guest is self-imposed, unwanted and unexpected?

I’m like you @ComtesseDeSpair , my guests are shown where everything is and very welcome to help themselves.
It makes life much easier if you’re not having to run around after them for every minute of their stay!

If we all took that view mumsnet wouldn’t exist!’

What you provided sounds like loads to me. How long was she staying? I mean it could get very expensive providing an endless array of meals and snacks for someone with such a large appetite. I’m in NI and might give someone cheese grilled on a soda farl, which sits in your stomach like lead and fills you up for the rest of the year😆

It's all very well saying that hosts show guests where everything is and tell them to help themselves. But many of us would feel impolite doing that in someone else's house, even if we had been shown where the biscuits are. And it's one thing taking a biscuit or apple, another thing entirely wanting to make toast or a more substantial meal.

My mum is not an ungenerous person at all, but is very stingy with food. She has no appetite and eats like a toddler so makes all her calculations based on that. She is regularly astounded by how much other people eat or want to eat.

She is looking for a chef, when she comes again say ‘help yourself to whatever you want, I can’t cook anymore than 3 meals a day, the rest is up to you and it’s not a 24hr cruise ship buffet ’

Granola I’d class as cereal.

I think your setting sounds perfectly reasonable. I would not eat that many times in a day at least is Christmas or any other special day, actually.
You say your cousin is 70? Is she in good health? Maybe she needs extra food as many older people gets issues with absorbing nutrients. Also, alzheimers/ dementia patients can eat the world! And stay thin like a stick. They are also very likely to keep telling everyone that they are starving. And forgetting that they ate altogether.

I live on the other side of the world from many of my friends, so when I’m in the UK I spend a lot of time staying a couple of nights at each of their houses.
Some of them produce an abundance of food, others not so much and I can go to bed feeling a bit hungry. It depends on what they’re used to as a family.
I wouldn’t dream of ever saying anything to anyone - it’s so rude and I’m just grateful they want to see me and are willing to have me to stay. I have learned to carry granola bars and a bag of nuts with me to have if I’m feeling like I need a snack. I also offer to cook, especially if I’m staying for more than a couple of nights.
Your cousin is rude and ungrateful

Presumably if you were wobbly due to the food being provided by your host, you would say something. If it’s a health condition, it wouldn’t be fair to blame anyone else for not knowing that you needed a special diet.

Porridge isn’t a snack.

@Ilovemyshed

it doesn’t sound like the OP has a small appetite, she sounds normal but her cousin doesn’t.

@stringsoup

YANBU, OP. She sounds very greedy. She’s eating tons. Must be hard to have outings etc when she’s eating so much so regularly. Not good for her health.

I sometimes stay with family who eat less than me, and I do get hungry. They are older and have small appetites. They also tend to serve less-filling foods such as porridge, toast, soup etc, for breakfast and lunch, which is mainly carbs and not sustaining until dinner time.

I bring eggs and breakfast meat, and sort my own breakfast. You could ask your guest if she wants any specific foods in the house and tell her she is welcome to use the kitchen. Is there somewhere nearby she can do a shop, or can you give her a lift there?

Having snacks like cheese, crackers and fruit is helpful. Make sure she gets large enough helpings, and it's best to include enough fats in meals, rather than carbs that will just turn into sugars.

@elviswhorley

porridge isn’t a meal. There’s plenty of calories in scones etc. you absolutely wouldn’t be “dying” of hunger

Could you leave some additional snacks e.g. crisps, wrapped sandwiches in her room the next time she stays? Some people have larger appetites than others. It would be helpful if you could break down for us what amounts and types of food you provided her on a typical day during her stay with you.

I wonder if it’s more that she’s used to a particular kind of food - maybe more carb heavy - so the food she had with you just didn’t satisfy her. I’m obese and the food you’ve outlined sounds more than enough but if she’s used to big chunks of bread, lots of potatoes etc, she may have just found she wasn’t full. Albeit scones and dessert should have sorted the need for carbs!
I think you need to ask her what specifically she was missing as she can’t logically have needed more calories unless you’re exaggerating the amount of food available.

I'd be the size of a house eating like that daily!

I'd never expect anyone to provide all my food. I'd buy groceries/meals.