Guest says I starved her <shock>

[stringsoup]

Had a relative to stay for a few days, she just wanted to eat all time which we did not expect. I had cooked and baked which she ate (way more than us) then she said she wanted to get up in the night as she was so hungry!

If the cousin felt able to say they were starving, I'm sure they would have felt able to make themselves a sandwich. They weren't waiting politely for OP to explicitly offer things - they obviously have a more open relationship than that where you don't stand on ceremony.

Of course it is, and that's what the OP says was provided.

It seems to me that posters are falling over themselves to tell the OP that she didn't provide sufficient food. I've got a big appetite and I'd have been happy with what the OP served.

I assume the slashes or commas mean different days in some cases? Spag bog and curry must be. And portion size is also important, my DH would eat a really big plate of spag bog with vegetables or curry with rice, vegetable curry and lentils and still be looking for pudding or cheese and biscuits a bit later. I would dish up a much smaller portions for me.

I stayed with somebody who seemed to have zero appetite and live on tiny amounts of food. It was fucking miserable.

Cousin - 70's, well covered, told my sister she felt starved all the time on her visit!
Due to revisit next week :(

I think the responses demonstrate it’s probably also just about people’s expectations of being hosted tbh. I don’t expect to have my every need catered to when I’m a houseguest and I don’t specially cater for my guests, either; they’re adults with agency. When we have people staying there will be meals on the normal schedule but beyond that it’s “help yourself to what you like in the cupboards and fridge, if you want anything in particular just write it on the list by the side and I’ll pick it up when I go out for groceries tomorrow. The big Sainsbury’s is a five minute walk away if you can’t wait.” Being a good guest is as important as being a good host: expecting your unvoiced needs to be met when you’re slotting in with somebody else’s home routine which is probably different from your own is going to be frustrating all round, either speak up and ask, or take the approach that self service will be necessary.

If people here think this is too little food, what are people eating? How many times a day? This is basically five meals a day and help yourself, which means you can be completely full after each one if you want to be.

You despise your sister
She’s winding you up

Are you going to tell cousin that your sister told you what she said?

Plenty of food there, no idea what she means and how rude!

eh?

It can't have been that restrictive if she's coming back entirely of her own volition.

Exactly this. It’s rude to complain but it’s VERY rude to let guests be hungry. You listed the foods but we don’t know the amounts, so it’s all irrelevant.

We once stayed with relatives abroad who did this. They have very small appetites and say things like “help yourselves, there’s LOADS of food” and then that turns out to be half a loaf of bread and two apples for 6 people for 2 days. They criticise our kids when they ask for fruit. They constantly go on about how little food they need and how they can’t believe that anyone would need breakfast or lunch today after the big dinner they had last night. I fucking hate it, but I’m sure they’d write that we’re all greedy and overweight, and that they’ve given us “plenty of sandwiches and fruit” for lunch so can’t see why we popped into town for lunch the next day instead.

Maybe ask what she'd like? People honestly have different appetites and preferences. As I said my kids would go insane on those meals - porridge isn't filling for them even with fruit, nuts, seeds etc they have my metabolism 😅 we are forever ravenous but barely put on weight (I still fit into my sports gear from high school! - but I am due to be tested for celiac so it may be why which puts my kids at risk but we happily eat gluten so idk)

I always cater to my elders by asking what they'd like to pay attention to what they eat generally in passing conversation and note that down and provide as extra. When my grandmother comes to stay I have our regular meals PLUS the weird stuff she likes 😂 or I'll make effort to cook what I know she likes. She also doesn't help herself so for bed I also made her a packed lunch I shit you not with her favourite fillings etc and she took it to bed with her too. Most the time in the morning she'd at least had half! Also constant supply of her favourite fruit etc chopped up ahead in boxes and then offered constantly throughout the day.

It may be the case of food she doesn't like vs not providing enough (although I'd be hungry on that food list even the updated list but I'd pop out or be kindly blunt but elders aren't like this!)

I often check in with guests, ‘am I giving you enough to eat’, purely because habits vary so much! If people aren’t declining another helping/course, there’s a risk that they’re not feeling full at the end of a meal. No need to say ‘my sister said’ - just replace ‘help yourself’ with ‘would you like some more of X’

Did you serve bread with the soup if that was lunch?
Some soups can be quite watery and low calorie?
Likewise were there potatoes served with the meat and veg as something lean like a modest portion of chicken with some steamed greens might have been a very light meal?

The devil is in the detail here. 'Soup' might mean a hearty leek and potato served with lots of fresh bread and butter, or it might mean a thin broth served with no carbs - theres a huge difference between the two.

Same with your 'meat and two veg'. Big beef roast dinner with potatoes l, yorkshires and veg is very different to a small baked chicken breast served with steamed veg and no potatoes?

It's about portion size though.

I know a couple who have served a (regular sized) chicken for a 'dinner party' with 4 adults and a child, and whipped half away for another meal. The two guest there were hungry despite being fed chicken and 2 veg.

All hearty meals here

Why is she coming back to a house she felt starved in? She sounds like she eats very frequently; I would not expect anybody to need a bedtime piece of toast. Is that a thing?

I have a very dear friend of 35 years. Her, my first husband and I used to all study together in the evenings when we were younger, we'd alternate between our house and hers. Now when we studied at hers we used to have to get a pizza or something on the way home because she ate like a bird. (Three chicken breasts and a not-large salad for three of us over a period of about six hours. She doesn't eat potatoes or bread). We would never have brought it up with her though! (She is still my dearest friend, and still thin and super fit at 65. I'll never tell her!).

Looking at the comments and the list of food supplied, it's no wonder so many are on the Mounjaro these days if what is supplied wouldn't satisfy most people.

Again, cousin can help herself to snacks.

The initial cereal, soup, and meat & two veg has now miraculously turned into porridge, yoghurt and eggs, scones, hearty soup with bread and salami, spag bol or curry, dessert, more scones, and toast... Maybe the truth is somewhere in between? 🤣

I'm not no, perhaps just a high metabolism? 5 9 and 10 stone

It's too long a gap for one. And a portion of toast wouldn't touch the sides.

I definitely am known to over cater for guests

That does sound plenty of food. I have quite a good appetite and appreciate there are people who eat much less than I do and people who eat more. But as a guest she was rude to say she was starved

Seems good to me and Im fairly well built with a good appetite ! In fairness to her though ,if youre hungry youre hungry .Doesnt matter what anyone else thinks .Like people sleep varies .I do find soup not overly filling though.2 boiled eggs and soldiers keeps me full to lunch .Maybe if shes so "hungry" she could treat you to meal at the Harvester next time!