How do I tell these kids to back off me? I don't have kids!

[SettingSunShines]

There are two girls aged 8-ish that live down the road from me. I see them fairly regularly on my dog walks and when I’m going to and from the gym. They’d come and stroke the dog, we'd have a little chat, and they’d on their way.

A few weeks ago, they tagged along on a dog walk with me. I wasn’t very happy about it but they just sort of followed. Now they're kind of escalating (not really the right word) and its weird.

They’ve just dropped off at my house a ‘present’ for me and the dog (a teddy, a keyring, a woven bracelet) with a letter from each of them. They dropped it off with DH who was bemused, caught off-guard and so took it. It was a mistake – he should’ve said “That’s really kind but its not appropriate” but he absolutely wasn’t expecting to be accosted by these random children.

How do I get them to back the fuck off and leave me alone?

Next time I see them, my plan was to say something like “The present was very kind of you, but its not appropriate to give presents to adults. I’m not going to write back to your letters because you should try and find pen-pals of your own age”.

Is that alright? More generally, how the fuck do I get these kids to back off?
I don’t have children. I’m pretty good at talking to them in a very general way – children do seem to really like me for some reason – but obviously no idea how to handle these kinds of situations.

It’s very unusual for kids under 10 to be constantly wondering about without parents. Unless this is a tiny rural village? If you do bump into them again try to find out who their parents are to make sure they are not being neglected.

I don't have children so I have no idea how things ste these days but 'playing out' was pretty normal when I was young! Even under 10 😱

We're not rural. It's a quiet MC suburb.

They're not really wandering/roaming around aimlessly, they're either in the back lane chalking the pavement or on their bikes somewhere between our street and the park.

They're not being neglected!!

I don't know their parents by sight. But I know which houses these girls live at.

It’s really not that weird OP, they’ve enjoyed chatting to you and young girls like making things, you’ve probably fired their imagination a bit. You do sound mean though, sorry. If you don’t want them around it’s your responsibility as an adult to put them off politely and firmly. If you just don’t want them around you in particular you don’t need to go through the pretence of it being because you’re worried about stranger danger. You don’t pose a risk so you don’t have to make an excuse or ruin their worldview, just leave them to be chatty and inquisitive kids. It’s their parents job to decide the risk.

She's not mean. She just doesn't want to be bothered by random kids. It sounds very irritating.

Oh bless them that’s cute

And annoying obvs

There are kids like this in our neighbourhood.
I think it’s what they see on cutesy American TV, have you seen the movie Otto?
In your shoes I would be kind but firm, you are the adult. Next interaction say thank you for the parcel but you don’t need anymore and tell them they can rub the dog once a day. Kids are not evil geniuses, they’re basic model humans so don’t be intimidated.

"they can rub the dog once a day"
😂
Would there be a rubbing time limit?

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Love the phrase "rub the dog"

Thanks folks.

I'm not "mean". If I was "mean" I would've been standoffish these kids from the beginning, told them to bugger off and leave me alone, not let them stroke rub the dog. I did none of these things.

I wasn't. I've always taken a bit of time to have a little chat, faked interest while they rattled on about nonsense, and let them stroke the dog.

I don't really mind this.

I do mind children following me on dog walks, giving me gifts, turning up at my house and accosting my husband.

I don't think it's "mean" to think these behaviours are crossing a boundary.

I'm also not sure how much stock I put in the word "mean" to describe a 40-year old woman in the first place 😂

How's it going? You said they approached your DH?

I think actually telling them about stranger danger and you are not being a horrible person but they don’t know you and it’s not appropriate for them to be coming on dog walks or dropping off presents etc ideally have it in mind the parents haven’t told them about stranger awareness and how they shouldnt be making friends with complete strangers you’re actually helping the 2 girls by making them aware .

I haven't seen them for a while.

That's not unusual, I don't see them every day.

They approached DH on the day I made the OP (Wednesday I think).
He was coming home with the dog and the girls were hanging around our front yard/door, and gave him a present to give to me and the dog.

Right. Maybe it's petered out.

I would hate this behaviour too, @SettingSunShines . Hopefully the letter/gifts thing was just some disposable whim during their play together - "I know! Let's have penpals!" "Who shall we write to?" "Umm, don't know." "What about that dog lady. She was nice." "Yeah ok."

I'd ignore it unless it happens again. As for the walking with you, if that happens again then I agree with the 'kind but firm'.

Precocious chatty little children seem so adorable to their parents. And I guess they are adorable for a few minutes. But (for all the best reasons) they often haven't encountered the idea that people might not always want to treat them with eager affection.

The present /note was sweet but I can understand bordering on intrusive and I have an 8yr

she isn’t allowed to play on on the street /chalk/bike without an adult and I am suprised these girls parents aren’t watching them

yes i played out on the street at their age but 45yrs ago times were different

you know where they live so if anything else happens then go and knock at parents and talk to them

the walk was a one off but didn’t the parents care /reprise their kids vanished a for a while ?

sadly in this day and age you need to safe guard yourself

it’s probably innocent but if it is then parents should know

I'm not sure. I kept thinking this over the last few months when I've been days or weeks without seeing them. But, apparently not....

If you go days and weeks without seeing them, is it really that big of a deal?

They are 2 8 yos, but the way people are talking about the "dangers" of talking to them, you'd think they were the Kray twins.

As for the comments about them being out alone, a lot of Mumsnetters live in the SE and it does seem to be unusual there. I'm in the NW and children play out from 5 or 6 - and thank goodness for that. I love seeing lots of kids riding around on their bikes and playing on the green rather than being inside on a screen.

Its the 'escalation' [not the right word but you know what I mean] that's a big deal for me. Random children following me on dog walks, accosting my husband, showing up at my house with presents is a big deal. I don't want it.

I don't mind having a few minutes chat with these girls when I see them. But that should be it.

Yes, I'd find it very irritating and there is a potential for escalation. Even just escalation of annoyance and then it becomes a problem.