How do I tell these kids to back off me? I don't have kids!

[SettingSunShines]

There are two girls aged 8-ish that live down the road from me. I see them fairly regularly on my dog walks and when I’m going to and from the gym. They’d come and stroke the dog, we'd have a little chat, and they’d on their way.

A few weeks ago, they tagged along on a dog walk with me. I wasn’t very happy about it but they just sort of followed. Now they're kind of escalating (not really the right word) and its weird.

They’ve just dropped off at my house a ‘present’ for me and the dog (a teddy, a keyring, a woven bracelet) with a letter from each of them. They dropped it off with DH who was bemused, caught off-guard and so took it. It was a mistake – he should’ve said “That’s really kind but its not appropriate” but he absolutely wasn’t expecting to be accosted by these random children.

How do I get them to back the fuck off and leave me alone?

Next time I see them, my plan was to say something like “The present was very kind of you, but its not appropriate to give presents to adults. I’m not going to write back to your letters because you should try and find pen-pals of your own age”.

Is that alright? More generally, how the fuck do I get these kids to back off?
I don’t have children. I’m pretty good at talking to them in a very general way – children do seem to really like me for some reason – but obviously no idea how to handle these kinds of situations.

Its not half term here, that was last week.

The gift thing is actually pretty normal for that age I think. DD and her friends love thei dea of treating each other or random otehr people to little gifts. But usually it's just once. So I wouldn't worry about that or feel any need to say anything. If they do it again, perhaps a "sorry, I don't think you should keep giving my dog gifts" and leave it at that.

Any chance you can change the time you go for a walk for a few weeks?

I don't think you need to overthink it. When you see them next say, thanks for the present, that was very kind of you.

If they want to come on a walk with you again, something like, I've been thinking and I'm not sure that your adults know where you are so I'm not comfortable with you coming with me, but it's been nice to see you, have a good day girls!

I don't think you need to protect yourself. They're 8 year olds not russian spies. Arms length kindess is fine.

I’d also be concerned about the Op protecting herself. I’d be discouraging them too, fake work call, whatever it takes, or tell them straight you you can’t walk with them. While it sounds cute, why should the OP have kids tagging along and who knows what they’ll then say to their parents. Might sound OTT, but I’d say better safe than sorry.

You need to find out who the parents are, and tell them. I've never come across this note and gift situation even after many years as a parent and teacher.
It's quite intrusive, it's made you feel uncomfortable, and you need to put a stop to it.

I think it's better you say something kindly than they get into a habit of following strangers. The next one might not be harmless.

"Hi girls, thank you for the letter. I'm not writing back because adults don't write to children when they don't know their parents."

"Hi girls, no you can't walk with us I'm afraid. I need some quiet time today and I'm sure your parents wouldn't want you walking with strangers. It's not safe"

bloody hell calm down. Just say thanks and say you like to walk alone. You do sound very harsh and hostile tbh

You might need to change your routine for a while so that you are less likely to coincide and hopefully that will do the trick.

Alternatively you should tell them that the are welcome to come on the walk with you, but must first go home and ask permission from their parents. Then you can disappear whilst they are gone 😁

It’s fairly horrifying parenting imo. As pp’s have said, you could be anyone!!

That's just a kid thing to do, no harm done. If you want to stop the walking take out your phone and say you can't walk today as you have some calls to make.

'Protect yourself'... from what?

A little bit annoying and a little bit odd, YANBU @SettingSunShines

However, they are probably harmless and you just need to walk your dog when they're at school. Or after dark when they hopeully won't be around.

I had a weird man in my village getting over friendly with me several years ago, after I was out for a walk in my village, and he dropped his wallet ... He was about a minute's walk ahead of me, and I trotted up to him to give him his wallet.

I walk a lot, and he started to come out for walks when I was out, (he lives in my street a few doors away and could see when I left the house.) He always came out right after me, and tried to walk 'with' me and it made me feel so uneasy, and also annoyed. I thought 'no good deed goes unpunished!'

I had helped someone, and now I couldn't get rid of him. He started giving me 'gifts' too. He got me a copy of a chicklit novel (that I wasn't interested in) and gave me a friendship bracelet. I took them as I felt embarrassed not to. He told me several times that I was very pretty. I was like 'errr, thank you..'

My DH hates walking around the village, but after about 7-8 times of this man following me/walking with me, I started taking DH with me. When this man saw me with my DH (walking arm in arm,) he was like 😱 Apparently he didn't know I was married, or with a man at all. I had to tell DH of course, and he was fuming. He just glared at this man when he saw him.

Fucking cheek. Even if I wasn't in a relationship/married, I would not have been interested in him. He was 12-15 years older, (around 70 at the time,) and NOT attractive IMO, and he lived alone, and had never been married. Probably looking for a carer!

nb, I popped the bracelet and the book through his letterbox with a note saying 'thanks anyway, but it feels innappropriate to take them.' He has never even spoke to me since, and avoids me now. Weirdo!

@GabriellaMontez and @GoldDuster have you done no safeguarding training? You have to protect yourself against accusations, sadly.

Absolutely.

Tell there parents that they need to teach their children about stranger danger and let them deal with it.

Oh for goodness sake I have kids but I still don’t want my dog walk interrupted by someone else’s children.

I don’t think there’s anything mean about the ops post, I think the kids come across as intrusive.

Do you know where they live?

DC have fewer ideas about appropriate boundaries- they are learning. It’s ok to tell them exactly what the problem is.

‘Girls, you seem very nice, but you don’t know what kind of person I am. It’s wiser not to talk to people you don’t know, and I don’t want to get into trouble with anyone for being a stranger!’

Yes, me too, and they need to be told to stop.

Accusations of what?

My safeguarding training never included 'don't talk to children who live in the neighbourhood'.

I get your tone, and don't think you are being mean. It's classic hero worship age, they aspire to be you!
I think give them a positive comment and a boundary, similar to pp suggestion.

Don’t be on your own with other people’s children. Don’t do anything to be accused of grooming etc.

Greta Garbo would tell everyone: I want to be alone.

Could you hire one of those cars with speakers and drive around town?

She doesn’t sound mean at all

Aww they sound lovely, I'm so glad they don't know you want them to 'fuck off' away from you. Giving a little present to an adult that is kind to them especially more than once (they don't know that you're putting on an act and don't want them around you) is quite normal. You probably won't see them much now but you can say they shouldn't be walking with people their parents don't know.

Could you not try to slip out unnoticed to walk your dogs?