How do I tell these kids to back off me? I don't have kids!

[SettingSunShines]

There are two girls aged 8-ish that live down the road from me. I see them fairly regularly on my dog walks and when I’m going to and from the gym. They’d come and stroke the dog, we'd have a little chat, and they’d on their way.

A few weeks ago, they tagged along on a dog walk with me. I wasn’t very happy about it but they just sort of followed. Now they're kind of escalating (not really the right word) and its weird.

They’ve just dropped off at my house a ‘present’ for me and the dog (a teddy, a keyring, a woven bracelet) with a letter from each of them. They dropped it off with DH who was bemused, caught off-guard and so took it. It was a mistake – he should’ve said “That’s really kind but its not appropriate” but he absolutely wasn’t expecting to be accosted by these random children.

How do I get them to back the fuck off and leave me alone?

Next time I see them, my plan was to say something like “The present was very kind of you, but its not appropriate to give presents to adults. I’m not going to write back to your letters because you should try and find pen-pals of your own age”.

Is that alright? More generally, how the fuck do I get these kids to back off?
I don’t have children. I’m pretty good at talking to them in a very general way – children do seem to really like me for some reason – but obviously no idea how to handle these kinds of situations.

I think that the attraction may be the dog not you! Are they old enough to take it for a walk on their own if you’d be comfortable with that? Or maybe speak to their parents? Maybe not but my neighbours ended up with the joy of having an effective part time dog share with a young family who couldn’t have a dog full time but were happy to have him while neighbour on holiday etc and for walks etc or company if neighbour out. Worked well for all involved.

Which is a possibility. What did they say to DH?

Or this.

*Disclaimer for the notorious MN pearl clutches, this is a joke and I'm not really advocating the OP to tell kids to fuck off.

😂😂

There are some hilarious suggestions on this thread, thank you!

I don't think this entirely the case. When I first met them I was walking back from the gym carrying boxing kit and they were very impressed by me being a boxer 😂Everything I see them, they ask about it!

Either way, there's no chance in hell I'd let random children take my dog out.

I’m surprised so many posters think you’re being a bit mean. You’re a complete stranger to these girls and whilst you’re not a threat the next person they latch on to might be. Just because it’s a woman (sorry, I assume you are) they’ve befriended doesn’t mean it’s safe.

It’s also putting your DH in a difficult situation as well and it’s a bit odd they’re handing over letters and stuff. It sounds OTT but they could allege anything. Just because they seem to be sweet little girls it doesn’t mean they are. I know I sound a bit neurotic but these things can rapidly get out of hand.

I think you do need to explain to them that it’s not a good idea to chat to and accompany strangers on a walk and tell them that whilst you’re a good person not everyone is, so it’s better they stay safe and don’t continue to do it with you or anyone else.

I doubt their parents would be very pleased about what they’re doing TBH, not in this day and age.

They sound adorable and so lovely. I'd be so honoured to have befriended two kind girls like that. Who knows, maybe they be happy to take your dog to the park for extended play for you!

Yes, excellent points. It's not about the dog, they've latched into OP and now her husband. The letter and the gifts sound a bit strange.

you do sound quite mean tbh.
Most kids LOVE making/giving little presents/letters.. it's very typical 8year old girl behaviour! my girls would always be making a little "thing", wrapping it in a piece of paper fashioned as an envelope and giving it to people. They aren't stalking you, they just think the dog is cute and think it's fun to make the dog lady a present.
Just say thank you, how kind! They don't expect a response, that's not how kids work!
They won't keep doing it. They'll find another activity to do.

I think you need to understand that a) not everybody likes listening to random kids chatting about stuff that’s of no interest and b) these children absolutely need to learn that trying to make friends with random adults and going for walks with them isn’t sensible behaviour. They know nothing about the OP except that she lives near them. That isn’t safe behaviour from the kids. At all.

😭 its fine, I already said that i'm a softie so am coming from there in my point 🤷‍♀️

Totally get why you’re uncomfortable OP - I do have kids but find random kids taking an interest weirdly uncomfortable. They’re super bloody direct.

But to reassure you, my DD loves making adults stuff and would suggest it for new neighbours etc (I would gently dissuade her). Ditto with writing a letter - she often leaves waiting staff thank you notes etc. She loves the idea of a pen pal and would have no idea why writing to an adult wouldn’t be appropriate. They’re exploring what it means to connect with people and using the only tools they really have. I totally get why it feels uncomfortable though and wouldn’t advise responding.

This 🫶

As a mum of a DD who insisted she wanted to draw a picture of a dog which belongs to a neighbour that she regularly sees and pets and put it in the neighbours letterbox with a note, I’m quite sad to read this. They are only children and wanted to do a nice thing. Our neighbour wrote back a nice letter from her and the dog and it stopped there. To be honest I’d probably thank them kindly for the present the next time you see them and leave it at that. If you don’t want to write back then don’t and certainly you should have them walk with you if you don’t want them to. But I think my daughter would have been crushed if the neighbour had rejected her drawing. 🙁

Please dont listen to people saying your being mean . They are obviously naive . My daughter is the same age , there is no way I would let her and a mate go out alone and be okay with them approaching adults or visiting a man/ strangers home - sorry its blunt , but people put 2 and 2 together and make 5 .
They people who say its sweet may live in a nice area , I am near London and its a no-no .

I think this is the main point, really. Their parents need to talk to them, and help them to understand what they are doing, and what boundaries need to be in place.

They are only children and wanted to do a nice thing
There are lots of nice things that children can be encouraged to do, rather than attempt to be friends with adults unknown to themselves and their parents.
As for your neighbour and your daughter, she was obviously known to you, but the issue of your DD potentially being "crushed" indicates that she needs careful managing with these things, which I'm sure you do. It's maybe a tougher call for someone like the OP.

I have kids and that would drive me crazy.

I'd ignore the things through the door and tell them they can't walk with you the next time you see them.

I don't think that's weird at all from two 8 year old girls. They obviously love the dog and like you so wanted to do something nice. Little kids don't think the same way as adults, they're just being sweet kids. It's something my girl would want to do to show someone that she likes them.

If be inclined to thank them for the gifts, we appreciated them. However, grown ups aren't really meant to hang out with and see children that they don't know very well. I'm a stranger really. A stranger is someone where you don't go inside their house and I don't go inside yours.

So, from now on, if you want to join me for a walk, the rule is that your Mum or Dad have to come with you too. But, it's OK if you want to say a quick hello to ddog when you see us out and about.

I'd also tell them that they are obviously good at making gifts so wouldn't it be lovely if you could make the same thing for your friends/teacher/Mum/Dad/grandparents. Just to give them something else to focus on.

The difference here though is that you, presumably know the neighbour, and you were aware that your DD put the drawing through their letterbox (and I imagine would also stop her from accompanying the neighbour on a dog walk impromptu without being invited). I would be delighted to receive a drawing through the letter box from a child when I knew them and their parents, but I’d be worried if I received one from a child I’d met without their parents. Not because I’d think there was a risk to me, but because I would be worried about them approaching and befriending someone in the future who was a risk to children. I’d feel (given that I might be the only person that knows that they are doing this) that it was my responsibility to either let their parents know or at least warn the children that they need to be wary of striking up friendships with unknown adults.

Thanks everyone.

Just to clarify that I'm not "mean" 🤔

It's not "mean" to dislike random children latching on to you on dog walks, talking uninteresting nonsense at you, and then showing up at your door with 'presents'.

You're right. It's not mean. It's sensible.

It is quite worrying that so many people can't see the risks of showing children its ok to try to go for walks with strangers and to give gifts and get them to exchange letters.

If you'd said you were a bloke the responses would have been very different. The point is not who you are, its the message it sends to the kids about what is and is not ok with/from strangers

You're not mean!
Of course you don't want random children latching on to you, going on your walk with you and giving you a present and a letter.
Now they've approached your DH?
No. They need to be told to stop and find another game.

I agree. Random children prattling on about their kid stuff is not relaxing, especially when you feel you have to engage. Its also highly dangerous to let these girls think just because they see a nice lady with a dog that you are completely safe. They don't know who you are, their parents don't know who you are ( presumably). Doesn't matter how sweet or cute they are.