How do I tell these kids to back off me? I don't have kids!

[SettingSunShines]

There are two girls aged 8-ish that live down the road from me. I see them fairly regularly on my dog walks and when I’m going to and from the gym. They’d come and stroke the dog, we'd have a little chat, and they’d on their way.

A few weeks ago, they tagged along on a dog walk with me. I wasn’t very happy about it but they just sort of followed. Now they're kind of escalating (not really the right word) and its weird.

They’ve just dropped off at my house a ‘present’ for me and the dog (a teddy, a keyring, a woven bracelet) with a letter from each of them. They dropped it off with DH who was bemused, caught off-guard and so took it. It was a mistake – he should’ve said “That’s really kind but its not appropriate” but he absolutely wasn’t expecting to be accosted by these random children.

How do I get them to back the fuck off and leave me alone?

Next time I see them, my plan was to say something like “The present was very kind of you, but its not appropriate to give presents to adults. I’m not going to write back to your letters because you should try and find pen-pals of your own age”.

Is that alright? More generally, how the fuck do I get these kids to back off?
I don’t have children. I’m pretty good at talking to them in a very general way – children do seem to really like me for some reason – but obviously no idea how to handle these kinds of situations.

I had a similar thing (but without being followed home). Started dreading seeing this weirdly chatty, seemingly unparented girl in the park - partly because I just didn’t want to talk to her but also she reminded me of girls I’d have avoided in school (if other children came up and also wanted to pat the dog, she’d be really bossy and such a know-it-all with info she’d gleaned two minutes earlier).

Unhelpfully for the question of what to do, I resolved the situation by moving (not because of the girl!) I honestly don’t hate children at all, but this one… well, I bet the teachers all tried not to get her in their class.

Your are obviously just being nice - but put a stop to it . Just put an earphone in and say your on a work call or something, they should not be coming round to your house . Imagine if they run away and your husband is the last to see them - you dont need that drama in your life! Hope they get the message

I don't have kids either but I really don't think the present is that weird, small things can be a big deal to kids that age. Is your dog a cute breed that they may have seen on social media? The making a present and letter is a fun project in their eyes.

The walking thing is different, I get that , I wouldn't want to be responsible for children and in the absence of a parent you kind of are.

If they try to tag along next time I would just say you are in a rush and need to go fast or are off to meet your friend, give a cheery wave and walk briskly away.

She's not on her own. There are several children and they're walking down the road.

OP has ignored some gifts.

This is nothing like being a teacher, in a class alone after hours.

Now if OP wants some peace, she can let them know politely.

I would absolutely try to find out who the parents are and tell them.
As a parent I would absolutely want to know if my 8 year old was doing this so I could take the opportunity to have a little talk with them.
Mind you there is no way at 8 years old my dc's would be wandering off on a dog walk because imo that's too young to be out unsupervised - this situation illustrates why.

And you don't sound mean, op.
I think a lot of people would be uncomfortable with this.

Children do seem to really like me for some reason

I bet you just talk to them like they are normal people. Kids love it. Start patronising them and talking down to them, they will go right off you 😆

I don't know what all the fuss is about.

Just say thank you and leave it at that.

They thought they were doing something nice, I'm sure it didn't occur to them that making a kind gesture would be interpreted as deeply offensive and intrusive.

Maybe they read a book about how it's important to be kind, even to your miserable old neighbour.

The immediate thing that struck me is “appropriate” is probably too big and ambiguous a word.

I get it, i'm a softie thats all!

Obviously, if they didn't recognise you... they wouldn't bother you.

The trouble with lying is that you don't stop the problem. You just avoid it temporarily.
Don't lie to them OP.
Find out who the parents are, and tell them.

This is perfect.

When you see them again just tell them thank you for the gifts but you can’t accept them as you are an adult stranger. Ask to speak to their parents if it continues.

They sound sweet but you are right to protect yourself.

No need to worry about social awkwardness. Children don't!! Just be super clear and instead of being kind be 'not unkind'.

'walking my dog is my quiet time so I'll say goodbye now X

'I'm afraid I can't accept those letters. Presents are for friends and family.'

You don't need lots of words.

Haha my X typo looks like a kiss!! Haha

Surely the children are at school until around 3pm? And then it’s dark from 5 ish? Could you go a different way on your walk .. I tend to vary mine due to boredom so no one could actually tell where id be at any given time.
I had this a few years ago when we had a very fluffy soppy dog, I looked like the Pied Piper with these children walking with me the dog. I just changed routes and times and the novelty wore off.
It did worry me that they would just walk with me without their parents knowing anything!

When you see them coming get your phone out and pretend to be making a call.

When they stop at your house don’t answer.

Keep small talk short and sweet and move on.

Go a different route so you don’t bump into them.

You don’t need to mention to gift or letters.

This is very good as a kind response

It’s just the sort of thing I would have done with a friend at that age. We loved dogs, we also loved getting and sending letters. I used to go wild flower picking with two friends and we would knock on the doors of elderly ladies on our road and give them the flowers. This is just normal stuff for eight or nine year old girls.

Do you know where they live?
I'm assuming you do if they want you to write back?

I'd give a knock and give their parents a heads up. Id just explain they are sweet and lovely but you like to wind down and walk alone, and can't be a penpal as you have lots on. I'd approach it as giving them (the parents) a heads up to chat with their kids about stranger danger and ensure they know the kids are polite and you're happy for them to say hi and give the dog a quick pat.

Kids seem to like me too. I've had some of ds's little friends knocking before and asking if they can come and play in my garden even though ds is out. Erm, no! 🙄🤣 It's sweet but not a chance lol. Same on days out and holidays, I can be kids free and I seem to attract them like moths to a flame whether I want to or not. 🤦🤣

They’ve taken a liking to you, but I don’t expect it will become a nuisance. I certainly wouldn’t give them the message that they’re doing something “inappropriate”. I think you’ll find the letter & gifts were a one-off. I personally wouldn’t make an issue of any of this, If I felt uncomfortable, which I wouldn’t, I’d just be a little more distant with them in future, but they’re very young and I wouldn’t want to hurt their feelings.

If you meet the parents you could mention it just so they can give the children any safeguarding advice they feel is necessary.

They sound like nice, normal children.

What are you afraid will happen?

They are really lovely kids and it's nice to see them out playing like the olden days 😀

It looks like I'm over thinking the present and letters. Thanks for that. I don't remember doing anything similar at that age.

Some great advice here for what to say next time I see them. I do vary my route a bit but today they accosted DH. Saying a quick hi and by then briskly hurrying away wouldn't work because my dog moves at a bloody snails pace and always wants to meet kids 🤨

That they'll become a royal pain my arse.