Why so much hostility toward reasonable adjustments for autistic/ADHD students/workers?

[KeenTaupeDog]

I keep seeing backlash whenever someone with autism/ADHD asks for reasonable adjustments. Things like:
• being accused of cheating or getting “special treatment”
• people assuming you're lying or gaming the system
• resentment for accommodations that simply level the playing field

Why do so many people react this way?
Is it ignorance about what these conditions actually mean?
Envy?
Fear that fairness is “zero-sum”?
Or something deeper around stigma toward invisible disabilities?

Would be interested in honest perspectives — especially from those who’ve witnessed or experienced this dynamic.

If you dont think adhders etc. should be employed if they cant stay in work due to their adhd, then are you happy with them sitting at home and claiming benefits? Or dying of hunger?

Not looking to fight — just trying to understand where this reaction comes from.
Am a apsergers sufferer and people at uni accused me of cheating when they found out i had remote exams

Well obviously. But this is the topic of conversation.

Yes, but my point is it isn’t just an issue for NT/ND so that shouldn’t be a factor in resenting reasonable adjustments over and above resenting reasonable adjustments for any other condition.

Their struggles are very different as one can manage and one can't.
If the NT person finds themselves not managing then that is a conversation they should be having with their manager.

Are they? Always? Define manage?

Ok, and I know I won’t be able to convey my meaning here very eloquently, but you had presumably managed ok up until you did a questionnaire on social media that indicated you probably were autistic? And this is what part of the problem is - people living their day to day life generally with few or little issue, managing their difficulties just fine, all of a sudden getting a ‘diagnosis’ and asking for RA to be made off the back of this when a lot of people were getting on just fine anyway?

Whether you believe it or not, frankly I have enough ND diagnosed colleagues, friends and family to know this "difference" is paper thin to non-existent.

And that's the crux of it isn't it? A diagnosis means someone (maybe) just a little more impaired does get support and then actually struggles less than I do.

And getting the same accomodations, right?

Because we are judging people on their competency and ability to deliver, not their diagnosis, right?

No I had lots of problems. I just had no idea why. For example constant bullying and abuse because I have no understanding of facial expressions, body language or inferred meanings. This latter point meant academic subjects such as English Literature and history made little send to me. I could go on and on with numerous examples. This is just a quick one.

It's a simplistic answer but people are usually more accommodating for physical disabilities they can see and understand, most people can understand the problems of someone who has mobility issues or is blind or deaf - they can relate to being impaired in those ways and know what they'd need if they had those disabilities. If you're NT then the problems of the ND are not nearly so self evident, especially since those difficulties are on a spectrum and we're told if you know one person with Autism then you know one person with Autism, you don't know how everyone with Autism thinks and feels.
There's also the problem that the people you work with are not usually family or necessarily friends, you're all just people who share a job and people do get resentful when they feel someone is being given things they would like too.

I think some of the issue comes not from the adjustments for the specific person in question but the lack of overall adjustment to not negatively impact others. If an adjustment that is needed for someone’s specific needs is done in total isolation of the overall need of a wider team of course it will cause resentment or whatever.

For example if you need 10 people in a team and the adjustments reduce the “effectiveness” of a member of that team so you actually need 11 people then there’s a good chance most businesses won’t bring in that 11th person. It’s the wider impact of the adjustments that often gets forgotten. That tends to be what causes problems, the results of the adjustment not the adjustment itself.

Totally agree and the more (mostly middle aged women) who suddenly decide they need a diagnosis and reasonable adjustments after functioning perfectly competently in the workplace for years, the more likely it is that the employers will start pushing back on genuine cases.

Recently it's been very easy to just fill in some from online and be diagnosed with ADHD/autism.

Pls share a link? It will be useful for the 500,000 on the waiting lists. 😇

Wow! Having been of the opinion that there are too many people asking for unreasonable adjustments, I have reply from the other side here. We know ND is chronically under diagnosed in women and girls, and that the middle aged women you speak of are most likely to have been affected by this. They have perhaps struggled their whole lives and have now realized that there are reasons for this, above themselves just not trying hard enough, or being good enough. And as they are facing middle age, when the physical and emotional demands on them are likely at the highest, their ability to cope is affected.

You are really out of line to speak so slightingly of them and imply their problems are not genuine.

Hmmmm, I wonder what might possibly cause middle aged women who had been appearing to manage fine start having problems?

If "able to cope" is the benchmark for ND or not ND, does a person who has been able to mask for a long time but due to external or hormonal changes can no longer achieve that suddenly flip from NT to ND? Or is it more likely that they have just been working incredibly hard to appear to manage?

And if it is the latter, does it not then follow that the people who are very black and white about "coping" are actually just really bad at realising how hard the people they think are "NT" may be working?

@Pairymoppins you don't get a diagnosis if you don't have difficulties - that is part of the diagnostic criteria. In fact you have to prove you had those difficulties in childhood too. Many or probably most difficulties are invisible, it's not all melltdowns and Spock-like logic.

I am one of these middle-aged women you talk about. I'm so good at looking like I was managing that I made myself ill and am now too ill to work

The problem with this type of situations is that is often challenging to ascertain whether it is a legitimate request or actually someone being a cheeky fucker.

despite protestations to the contrary, this literally summarises the thread.

Of course people should have reasonable adjustments where possible, but others should not be adversely impacted by that.

And some reasonable adjustments could be rolled out to everyone to the benefit of everyone including the employer.

What about someone NT but with a difficult upbringing that means they weren't taught to read until adulthood? They'd be much slower at reading than the norm but they don't have a diagnosis and so wouldn't get any accommodations.

This thinking that only ND people struggle with tasks like speaking to strangers, answering the phone, being on time etc is simply not correct.

An ND person probably struggles with a wider range of issues since that is part of the diagnosis but I wish people would stop saying things are easy for NT people.

One person might struggle to speak to strangers because they're ND. An NT person might struggle with exactly the same thing because of past trauma.

An ND person might struggle to be on time due to ADHD. An NT person might struggle to be in time because they're a single parent and their kids are sick.

Etc etc.

the trauma thing would be a disability they get adjustments for
the kid thing would be a temp thing cos kids can get older and go to school themselves

i never said things were easier for NTs... it just that NDs find it harder

the person who was never taught how to read was likely neglected bc british curriculum teaches people how to read and if they were home-schooled by family, why didnt the family teach them?

Lol at a NT adult being declared disabled and getting adjustments due to childhood trauma.

You're just being facetious now and dont seem to know what youre talking about.

To be fair lots of children do understand that some children need some extra help or support and the teachers are excellent at explaining this in simple English. I’ve also used the equality/equity example to talk to older children about things they deem to unfair.

this focus on mostly middle aged women is sexist and ageist and frankly fucking tedious.

There has been good discussion of masking in this thread, there is a possibility/probibility that many of these women have been masking for years. It has become apparent to me over the last years that my own mum has been masking her whole life. Nobody ever gave a shiny shit if she could cope with life or not, she was expected to suck everything up and shut up.

The wider point this thread has thrown up is that most people have zero issue with reasonable adjustments, and even think they could be widened to improve work for everyone. The issues are around dumping on colleagues - and management ignoring that.

Sounds like your kids have profound autism if one has little understanding and the other couldn't talk to people if his life depended on it. They wont be getting call centre jobs or customer facing roles will they.

They are completley different to someone like the OP as who is going out into the word and working in a office job and expecting others to pick up what she cant or is unwilling to do.

Thats fine if they are paid less for doing a day less or similar. But thats not always the case. We have someone on our team, we all work from home, who is Autistic and requires frequent naps when she gets overwhelmed. She is napping more than she is working. No-one can ever get hold of her. But she appears to have a very active life at the weekend. It's frustrating for those of us having to constantly pick up the slack.

How do you know "NDs find it harder"?

As an example: do you really think someone ND but growing up with loving parents who have plenty of money for private schools and support etc has it harder than someone NT who grows up in poverty with abusive parents and an overcrowded school? Really?