Why so much hostility toward reasonable adjustments for autistic/ADHD students/workers?

[KeenTaupeDog]

I keep seeing backlash whenever someone with autism/ADHD asks for reasonable adjustments. Things like:
• being accused of cheating or getting “special treatment”
• people assuming you're lying or gaming the system
• resentment for accommodations that simply level the playing field

Why do so many people react this way?
Is it ignorance about what these conditions actually mean?
Envy?
Fear that fairness is “zero-sum”?
Or something deeper around stigma toward invisible disabilities?

Would be interested in honest perspectives — especially from those who’ve witnessed or experienced this dynamic.

If you dont think adhders etc. should be employed if they cant stay in work due to their adhd, then are you happy with them sitting at home and claiming benefits? Or dying of hunger?

Not looking to fight — just trying to understand where this reaction comes from.
Am a apsergers sufferer and people at uni accused me of cheating when they found out i had remote exams

2 reasons, I suspect.

1. too many people 'game' the system when their children just aren't as academic or focussed as others. This isn't always due to ADHD or other ND conditions, and takes help away from those who REALLY need it
2. real life doesn't make these allowances, so it sets children up to expect help that won't be given

Have you got proof of that, or are you making assumptions based on your own prejudices?

how are they deplorable? if unable to find a job, disabled people cannot survive without benefits and relying on family/friends.

The problem is, there is no such thing as a 'level playing field'. We each have different abilities, skills, motivation etc. Some of us get a head start, some of us don't. That isn't going to change.

So what about the job that's upstairs?

Never heard of a little thing called team work??Nah, you're too busy feeling hard done by.

What makes you think it comes naturally to NT people? I think this is a large part of the problem. ND people can assume that it’s easy for NT people when it often isn’t. I’m NT and I really struggle with networking, public speaking, managing other people, and many other parts of my job. However, I accept that I have to do them, don’t expect any reasonable adjustments and don’t expect to be able to ask a colleague to do these things for me.

I know several ND people who often talk about the things that they struggle with. They will post memes about how they never answer the phone, hate going to parties where they don’t know people, hate work socials etc etc. I don’t think they realise that these are quite normal responses to social situations and to think they can simply avoid these situations by asking colleagues to pick up the slack is hugely unfair.

You are a very black and white thinker. It makes you feel trapped and powerless.

The answer is not "adapt unsuitable jobs or die", the answer is "find suitable jobs"

Becauue you are seeing the world as "ND people have to work so employers and colleagues must enable this" you are trapping yourself in a zero sum game.

If you reframe it to "ND people need to be valuable employees so that the accomodations employers and colleagues may have to make for them are seen as a fair tradeoff" you will see far more possibilities for good working relationships.

I am a mother, sibling, spouse, daughter, aunt, cousin and friend, friends mother to diagnosed people who check these boxes with varying combinations such AuDHD and more. It has been and continues to be a wild ride. There are some similarities but many differences between them and what they need to get through life/.

Yes, you are right that anyone can have some of the problems of an ND person. You only get an autism or ADHD diagnosis if these problem are numerous and severe enough to be seriously impacting your life. Please take ND seriously - it is classed as a disability for a reason. If you don’t like your friend’s social media posts, that is fine, just scroll or unfollow.

I have 2 sons with autism. Both also suffer from selective mutism. They can physically pick up the phone and they can physically speak but that is meaningless. Son 1 can’t fully understand what someone is saying to him unless it’s broken down in words that he understands. A lot of people with adhd or asc struggle to understand verbal instructions or process them slowly.

Son 2 probably couldn’t talk to a stranger if his life depended on it (unless said stranger has a dog with them 🤷‍♀️)

excellent points, thank you!

I think that depends on whether or not you think neurodiversity is being over diagnosed. There is a lot of evidence that it is, although I accept that experts are divided.

From my understanding, there is a scale of autism/ adhd which is key to this debate.

If your son is non-verbal I wouldn’t expect him to be working in a role which required him to answer the phone, because he is unable to. There is no reasonable adjustment for this is there? Much like I can’t be a surgeon because I don’t possess the necessary skills or abilities to do it. instead I have found a job/ profession that is more suited to my abilities and hasn’t had to be changed to accommodate me.

There is no scale to autism. It is a spectrum not a scale. Neither of my boys are non verbal and both have at least average intelligence

ive attached an image to better illustrate what I’m trying to say

But that withstanding - your boys presumably wouldn’t expect to take in a job with elements of the role they can’t do
No one is saying disabled people shouldn’t be employed. Just that if a job role is incompatible with their abilities, it’s not fair for them to fulfill only part of that role and others do the rest

Thanks for this, it explains it well and helps my understanding.

The main point behind my message is the same.

Your challenges could be managed, that's the difference, whether you believe it or not.
You were assessed as not ND, you clearly have some issues but not severe enough to be diagnosed

Very much this

i I think part of the frustrations at RA is seeing people in jobs they knowingly applied to with aspects they are unable do demanding to be exempt from - and there are. Candidates who were rejected from the job, who chances are would be able to do all of it and not have colleagues having to modify their own work

From what I have read, there is evidence of overdiagnis of ADHD in children. There is also evidence that both autism and ADHD are very under diagnosed in girls and women.

it may feel like autism and ADHD are being overdiagnosd in adults but all sorts of things have happened to cause many more adults to seek diagnosis. For example, it has only been possible to get an adult ADHD diagnosis since 2008. The medical profession’s understanding of ND has grown enormously in the last few years and at the same time, social media has come
into existence and spread awareness. I actually discovered I was probably autistic in the early days of social media - I came across a screener questionnaire and the results strongly suggested autism. I’d never even considered it before that day. It’s actually not altogether surprising because there are some
autistic people in my family who have very high support needs but I never linked my issues to them because they didn’t seem in any way similar.

how are they deplorable? if unable to find a job, disabled people cannot survive without benefits and relying on family/friends.

Because you're starting point while discussing disabled people is from lack, it's starting from the point of inability, it's from this idea that unless able people give us accommodations, we will 'sit at home and do nothing all day', which is a deplorable view of both disabled people and unemployed people. I find that fairly dehumanizing and a bit off when many people in work still rely on benefits to survive and people, in and out of work, with or without a disability, rely on family and friends.

You come across like you think disabled people just couldn't do anything unless able people give us accommodations, that 22% of the population would just sit around and die alone without them. You do know that the entire reason reasonable accommodations exist is because disabled people have fought and continue to fight for them, right?

Seriously, disabled people literally chained themselves to buses to get accessible transport and broader rights for disabled people, but you want to say that disabled people out of work would just sit at home and do nothing all day. Can you see how incredibly ableist it is to say that? How deplorable it is to erase all the hard work disabled people have done in and outside of workplaces to make things more accessible for everyone because you have this warped dehumanizing idea of how we will act when unemployed?

Yes, accommodations make life easier and make things more accessible, including enabling more disabled people in a broader range of workplaces, but drop this whole rhetoric you have that erases disabled people who fought and continue to fight and some even thriving in work without any of the accommodations. Stop erasing those disabled people who brought in those options for both disabled and non-disabled people in that so many benefit from today in work as well as outside of it. I've worked with - both in and out of employment - so many great disabled people, many who didn't get accommodations growing up or when entering the workplace because we're that old that much of what we have now didn't exist, and I find it deplorable that you go on about how hostile you've found people towards reasonable adjustments while being so hostile to disabled people being amazing and having great lives whether or not we get help from able people to do it.

This is a reply to @EdTeck . It was supposed to link but it didn't happen:

I think in any job where it is possible for it to be done from home, anyone who wishes to should be able to work from home. It would make work more accessible for disabled people, parents, carers etc. Then people who struggle with traditional workplaces would have a lot more options for employment instead of being forced into unsuitable jobs. It's all very well saying don't do certain kinds of jobs if you struggle with aspects of them, but people often don't have much choice. I know that wouldn't solve all issues but it would be a good start.

Therein lies another problem. Person A is just about NT enough that they don't get a diagnosis. Person B is just about ND enough for a diagnosis. How different are there struggles really?
Person B gets accommodations that might then make it easier for them to manage than Person A. It's not like "managing" is a black and white thing.

This has been done so many times.

The usual answer is the person with accommodations ends up not doing the full job or same hours of the other employee, which isn’t fair on the other employee.

So pay should be adjusted accordingly. The person with accommodations should be paid less if they don’t do tasks others have to do. Usually pain in the arse tasks.

But the government won’t have that. They want employers to pay to accommodate the disabled person.

I realise not all disabled people need accommodations or do less work or less hours than the other employees.

It’s a hall pass. And everyone else has to just put up with it.

That’s the same for a lot of conditions, though, not just ND.