Have you ever found something belonging to your parents that made you see them in a different light?

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When I was a teen I found a sex toy in my mum’s drawer. I shouldn’t have been snooping.

It made me think of her differently, and I felt a bit weird about it for a bit.

I’m over it now, I think 🤔

yeah, but it's finding your mum's sex toy that is disturbing.

I did yes.
My mum told me herself when I was late teens and I later registered on websites and they made contact.

And she never shared? She’d have lived with such a heavy heart

Reported.

She shared when I was around 19 yes. It has affected her whole life she spoke about the day the baby was taken and how the girls had to dress their babies and leave them in the nursery and the adopters would come and take the one they wanted and the mothers found out afterwards which one had gone. She went home the next day and it was never spoken about.

I don’t think anybody really wants their kids to see their collection though, so they? Or vice versa. “Oh look, it’s Mum’s butt plug” isn’t something anyone really wants to be saying to a sibling when they’re clearing the house after their parents have died.

Did it ever come out?

My dm had a polaroid camera. Pics like those no dc should ever see ..

Obviously. But what are the parents supposed to do though? They aren’t going to have the hindsight to know “I’m dying soon, best dispose of the sex toys” - that might be the last thing to cross their mind. Most people nearing death end up losing a lot of their dignity in a sense, I doubt they “want” to have to rely on others to provide care or wash or dress them etc but it’s just one of those things.

A sibling shouldn’t be announcing “butt plugs” to each other as you suggest. It’s quite crass, just discretely throw it away alongside the other things that are being cleaned out surely. Attention seeking behaviour.

This sounds very much like the relationship I had with my mum.

When I was a small child my dad had to go into hospital with a stomach / bowel complaint.

I remember my mum screaming and shouting at me how it was my fault my dad was ill.

Life doesn’t have to be restricted to necessities, you know. Some of us enjoy a bit of variety.

A nice cup of tea is totally unnecessary if you have clean drinking water from the tap, but I assume you don’t sneer at people when they offer to put the kettle on.

I think perhaps you’re taking all this a bit too seriously.

Do you genuinely not realise I was being flippant?

😳 Was your mum shagging the archbishop of Canterbury?!

Lol it's a sex swing lol attached to the Joice to the loft the actual fitting it Above my bed ov the chair part ain't lol as kids be wondering but my kids 9 and 10 swing on the bars lol plus the washing hangs on it lol

Sorry - totally wrong place! Cant seem to edit! Please ignore

Having a wank isn’t a perversion, whether you use a vibrator or your own hand. A vibrator is just something to provide the physical stimulation necessary for an orgasm - just as a hand is. There’s nothing perverted about it; it’s not a kink or a fetish, it’s not abnormal or unhealthy and it doesn’t meet the definition of a sexual perversion on any factual level.

i am so sorry you went through that, unfortunately its always the way, you have the Eddie murphy child (ie golden child) that is put on a pedestal and can do no wrong and they do fa but the sun shines out their ---- and the other child that no matter how much they do, or how much they help etc it will never be enough for the parent. did your mother play you off against one another as children. i am guessing that she did

After my grandad died, we found a bundle of photos he and my nan had taken of each other when they were newlyweds in the 1930s, in which they were scantily clad and posing for each other. We weren’t horrified or anything - it was actually quite sweet in a way that they clearly fancied each other rotten - but we were greatly relieved they weren’t naked.

We also found all the letters they’d exchanged while my grandad was away during the war, which were incredibly loving and sweet, but also included a number of frankly quite saucy pin-up style drawings my grandad had done for (and of) my nan. Again, actually weirdly endearing but also quite the eye-opener.

Apart from the nature of the drawings, we’d also had no idea he was such a talented self-taught artist. He’d never had an art lesson in his life, grew up in a slum and left school at 14, and it made us feel a bit sad that he had natural talent like that and no opportunity to use it (other than drawing sexy pictures of my nan while fighting in a war, anyway).

I’m so utterly sorry to read this. What a devastating thing to find out - sending love to you.

The day my Mum passed the first thing my sister said was “Well she obviously loved you more than anyone!” I was shocked, but in the three years since I’ve unpacked and realised a lot, and boy, parent/child relationships can be extremely complicated.

One of the saddest things I ever read was an account of a very wealthy New York heiress in the 90s going over her mother’s items after she’d died. She’d been unloved as a child - actually sent to another apartment with her sibling and two nannies so the parents could live independently.

After her mother died she was excited to be given the key to a drawer that contained her mother’s diaries, which her mother used to speak of a lot. She thought she’d finally be able to understand her relationship with her, but when she opened the drawer all she found was ten diaries with nothing written in them. It was as if her mother had planned to taunt her from beyond the grave.

I like to think that most of us have at least gotten off better than this…

When Dad died I had to go through his file of the over 200 women he’d slept with, just in case he’d had children I didn’t know about.

& I still wouldn't want my 8year old son finding mine & it's very tame compared to a gimp suit or a peggy strap on 😂

@MouseCheese87

How is masturbating, which everyone does, a 'perversion', @Hons123 ? You sound like you're from the 1800s.

Please tell me you snipped a couple of connections inside it before you put it back in the drawer.

My OH's dad was like this too, it's so disgusting, my OH got in touch with his half sister about a year or so ago but she didn't really want to know & that's okay but he's like that, it would have been on his mind for ever if he hadn't just reached out, he wasn't looking for anything or stories, he just felt weird knowing he had a half sibling living in the same city, about 3miles away who was a stranger