Moving at 62 to Spain after death of husband

[Harbans]

I would love to move abroad to Spain, have raised 5 children 3 grandchildren. Worked 2 jobs now it was time to enjoy life , my husband of 36 years has passed. Had to downsize my children have each had their inheritance over £45,000 each and I bought a small property, now 2 have moved back and we are constantly arguing as I work for a educational agency and earn enough to pay bills and shopping no contribution from them . I have enough after I sell my property worth £200,000 to move to Spain would am on my own and have no idea where to begin.

why have they moved back in after getting their inheritance ? Why did you let them and why are you letting them not contribute?

I wouldn't move but I would put some distance between you and your kids and perhaps have some long holidays .

The op may not have given them the money
Anyone can leave their money to anyone they like and a will is binding.
The husband may have left a share of his assets to the children and then they would have inherited them directly. The op may not have had a say in it.

So many reasons. I wouldn't know where to start. To each their own, though.

As I said on my earlier post if you need to free up cash look at renting something acceptable in a cheapish area in UK and have a few 6 week blocks in Spain , see how you feel - personally I wouldn’t buy in Spain I would free up cash in uk , rent and go and have frequent breaks in Spain, they can be cheap as chips out of peak season and saves all the complications, also means you are still registered in uk if you need any medical/social care assistance - you may not now but you never know. I love Spain , my grandparents lived there very happily from aged early 60s to mid70s but it has down sides as well as ups as does anywhere - as someone else said houses aren’t always built for what can be far wetter and cooler winters than in the past - insulation can be awful, and often lots of dingy places too at the affordable end if buying!! very hot summers too in many areas so lack of heat costs have to be tempered with high aircon costs unless you are ok just with fans .not everyone everywhere speaks amazing English unless you are going to live in very much a tourist resort geared to non Spanish .- and as others have said many make ‘heart’ choices for lovely looking remote places with pools and a lot of driving that 15 years later prove to be a total pain in the arse - it can work well but ideally by renting first, getting a feel for areas and locals, picking head over heart when it comes to practicalities of day to day life , learning sufficient lingo to get by easily and being realistic about costs and money needed.

Can I just comment by the way on the obsession with ‘care ‘ on threads . I appreciate that it’s a fact of life but where do you draw the line, ?? no wonder we have so many feeling depressed in uk - the OP is 62, not 78 - where do we draw the line with factoring in care always - 45 maybe? It’s like we are all wishing the years away - my grandparents went to Spain at 62 and actually had a blast - if we had mentioned care my grandad who had just sold his Uk business, played golf multiple times a week and liked sports cars and parties would have said ‘we will cross that bridge when needed and not before’ - he certainly wouldn’t have paid any attention to us saying , ‘don’t go , you might have care needs. ‘ they would just have bought in care needs over there or have come back , but then again they were not doing it all on a shoe string , and I think that’s part of what has to be thought about - which is why I wouldn’t buy over there and leave myself short of fluid funds - I would rent in UK at an affordable level or even a bit of shared ownership depending what income was coming in and do blocks of out of season long breaks

This. They are adults, they are sponging off you. Get them to leave. See how you feel then.

Being a non-EU immigrant in Europe is far more difficult now - we voted away our right to Freedom of Movement with Brexit 😢

@DarkYearForMySoul It really isn’t that difficult for a Brit to get a retirement visa for Spain.

As others have said unless you have a EU passport you can't just move to Spain. You need a visa and to get one you need to prove you have enough funds to support yourself.
But apart from that can you speak Spanish? How familiar are you with Spanish culture etc.

I'm not going to talk about practicalities, but I have lived in several different countries and something I once read resonated with me.

There are two types of reason to move country, push or pull. Pull is something like a job that is too good to turn down, having family in the other country, something specific to the country that will improve your life. Push reasons are things like boredom, relationship troubles, financial troubles, just not liking your current life for some reason.

Emigrating for a push reason very rarely works out, basically it's hard to move away from things that are going wrong in your life. You are better off fixing the way that you are now as much as you can even if it means moving within your own country.

My experience is that moving country is tedious, expensive and bureaucratic even if you speak the language, and can be a bit of a nightmare if you don't speak the language. And my observation of other emigrants is that if you have left unresolved problems behind then they will probably catch up to you eventually.

"we will cross that bridge when needed and not before"

I'm afraid this is often a large part of the problem. By the time they need it they often can't on a practical level or they refuse to accept it. I'm not saying it's everyone, but the ones who have been sensible, realistic and self-aware are outnumbered by those who haven't. Yep, many lucky ones won't have any problems but isn't it better to be able to deal with them should they happen than flounder? Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.

@AzurePanda didn’t you ever use Freedom of Movement? It was like moving from London to Liverpool , no questions asked. I did. Just decided to go and work in Europe and I did.
Now if you are an immigrant in Europe, as you say it requires visas. You have to get the correct visa and make sure you’ll never need to earn a penny if your type of visa doesn’t allow it.
Yes of course it’s do-able. But you can’t deny it’s nowhere near as easy as just lacking a bag and going.

Yes it’s all a bit strange. I was sympathetic initially. Maybe the OP has left the thread and already travelled to Spain.

my parents moved to spain 18 yrs ago when mum was 61 and dad was 65. Over the last 5 yrs or so there care/medical needs have increased a lot. They never have an issue seeing a GP and have had multiple hospital visits which have been brilliant with no delays at all. They started spanish lessons when they got to spain so their language skills aren’t bad for everyday things. zThey use an
interpreter for hospital visits for the medical nuances. They’ve also had to call an ambulance a few times and again brilliant fast service. They’ve had broken bones, eye issues, shingles, joint replacement and cancer.
medical care in spain is way way better than here.

@DarkYearForMySoul none of that detracts from the fact that obtaining a retirement visa and moving to Spain from the UK is not difficult. Just look at the numbers who are doing it.

Whatever you do OP, don't allow this situation to continue without an end date. I get the impression it's not the money that's the issue, more of you just want your own life. My own DM would have loved to move after my DF died but my sibling was living with her. She felt she couldn't do as she wanted as they always had an excuse to not move out. She just wanted her peace in old age and poor health. She didn't get it. She'd made a rod for her own back, being too soft for far too long. When she fell ill the final time, I think she gave up as she couldn't see a way out. Don't be that woman! Don't flee to another country. Maybe get a one bedroom flat and take numerous holidays to Spain instead.

As long as you have the money. That's all it's about at this point. The days of turning up and living the good life in the sun on your 900£ state pension are long gone.

Easier for those with money or an income.

The Brexit vote has made it much harder for those without. Well done Conservatives and Farage!

(not that the OP is interested in what anyone thinks…she hasn't returned after the first post🤷🤷‍♀️)

If she has I'd assume she'd say so.

Can I just comment by the way on the obsession with ‘care ‘ on threads . I appreciate that it’s a fact of life but where do you draw the line, ?? no wonder we have so many feeling depressed in uk

Does my head in! It's less than 10% of people - possibly as low as 3% - who end up needing care homes.

OP - and all of us - have just one wild and precious life. She's worked, raised her kids, lost her spouse, why shouldn't she have some years in the sunshine.

There's a large area between the extremes of needing a care home and never needing any help of any kind. In your own country that tends not to matter so much - most people have some family or friends around to step in during emergencies, or are able to navigate social services to get the help they need and are entitled to. Some find it easier to make the changes needed such as moving house or engaging with carers when they don't have to deal with a foreign language or when they have a lifetime of being familiar with their local area. That all changes when you're in a foreign country without a support network and unable to engage properly with local support services.

I know all that.

I don’t disagree - but I do think factoring in all this at 62 maybe a bit premature - as I said where do you draw the line!! If OP was Late 70s then yes I would factor it in more- lots of things in life involve taking a punt and possibly changing direction if the situation changes - the thing is though to make sure you have enough cash or income to make changes when/if needed and to be able to pay for help to make changes and yes I do think people need to pick up the language as much as they can

I agree. I thought the figure was 2% who go into care homes?
And the 'average' stay is 2 years.

The state pension age is now 67 and rising and women's life expectancy is an average of 85.

However, moving overseas with no support or friends and family isn't a great idea unless you're very sociable and intend to make a new life with a wide social circle.