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Moving at 62 to Spain after death of husband

209 replies

Harbans · 26/10/2025 11:02

I would love to move abroad to Spain, have raised 5 children 3 grandchildren. Worked 2 jobs now it was time to enjoy life , my husband of 36 years has passed. Had to downsize my children have each had their inheritance over £45,000 each and I bought a small property, now 2 have moved back and we are constantly arguing as I work for a educational agency and earn enough to pay bills and shopping no contribution from them . I have enough after I sell my property worth £200,000 to move to Spain would am on my own and have no idea where to begin.

OP posts:
handsdownthebest · 26/10/2025 14:12

Catwalking · 26/10/2025 12:40

1 of our neighbours bought herself a super camper van, she just ups & does tours in europe whenever she feels like…. I’m sort of jealous but love my pets!

I know somebody who does that with pets…including a cat.

Sassylovesbooks · 26/10/2025 14:14

My honest opinion is not to sell your home here in the UK. My FIL and his wife moved lock, stock and barrel to Spain, and he had a stroke. They lost money on the property they purchased in Spain, as property prices plummeted. He moved back to the UK recently, along with his wife, as they could no longer manage or drive. They couldn't afford to buy another property, so are now renting back in the UK. They managed around 15 years in Spain, but in the end moving back was their only option. No family help in Spain. Your children may come to visit but unless they have unlimited holiday, it won't be often. What if you become unwell? They aren't necessarily going to be able to come out to assist. Spain don't provide much in the way of assistance to elderly people, like we do here in the UK. Care homes don't exist, as generally Spanish relatives look after their elderly ones. Hospitals have limited English speaking Doctors etc. My FIL and his wife, could barely string a sentence together in Spanish, so my advice is - learn the language. I'd look at long-term renting in Spain, maybe 3 months at a time - get a feel for different areas, if you are set on going. My FIL was on the Costa Blanca.

DBD1975 · 26/10/2025 14:14

Burntout01 · 26/10/2025 11:08

OP my only advice is don’t sell up and move to escape’ your adult kids. Moving to another country can be amazing of course but will be a huge undertaking, and since we left the EU I don’t think its as easy as it was before.
Sounds like what you yearn for is the life you’ve planned- living in peace in your small property, hopefully having time and energy to enjoy life. Maybe its time to have a frank discussion with your adult children?

This totally 💯, great advice OP, please give it some thought x

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

mamagogo1 · 26/10/2025 14:15

It’s not necessarily the worst idea but you need to do your homework. Can you buy where you want for the budget you have, can you get a visa, have you sufficient private means to get you to state pension age and to top that up (you won’t get additional benefits beyond state pension abroad now), can you speak some Spanish and are willing to learn to the level your visa will require (for Portugal you have 5 years on non working visas then you switch to permanent but need fluent Portuguese, I presume other countries are similar, yes we’ve been looking!)

LaurieFairyCake · 26/10/2025 14:17

If your kids have had all that money why the hell are they living with you

get them the fuck out (or make them pay!) Flowers you don’t have to live with a load of arguing

WallaceinAnderland · 26/10/2025 14:18

You definitely can't just up and move to Spain.

You need to meet the visa requirements which would be either a work visa or a non lucrative visa (you need to prove a passive income and cannot work).

zingally · 26/10/2025 14:19

Moving to somewhere like Spain isn't as "easy" as it was 10 years ago.

Personally, it sounds more like you'd rather escape your current life, than start a new one from scratch.

Speaking of Spain, do you speak Spanish? Do you have any knowledge of the country beyond visiting as a tourist? What do you envision happening if/when you need more care in 15-20 years? Your children can't easily pop round to help, especially when you're abroad, in a country where presumably, they don't speak the language at all.

handsdownthebest · 26/10/2025 14:36

BeaBachinasec · 26/10/2025 13:48

Buy a little dog who will get you out and about and meeting people, join a choir, a library, a walking group and a WI and you won’t look back.

Oh dear lord! I'm the same age as the OP and don't want to join a choir or the WI. Nor do I want to buy a little dog. I want an adventure or two, not stitch'n'bitch at the library!

PP's suggestion of spending six weeks in Spain, 3 times a year sounds good.

Sounds horrific to me too.
DH and I are doing exactly as suggested. Several long stays in Europe in various places gives us flexibility without committing to an overseas property. We rent properties large enough for friends and our DC to come and stay, for us to indulge in our hobby in fine weather, and to enjoy local cuisines for a few weeks. Then return home see friends and family at home, indulge in our hobby in the cold and rain for a bit, sort out life admin and then we’re off again.

InfrontOfK · 26/10/2025 14:47

Basilisthebestherb · 26/10/2025 14:10

Why Spain OP?

My parents bought a property there years ago and started the process to be there permanently - this was pre Brexit. Mum has since moved back to the UK alone. Dad died in Spain and I am convinced had he been in the UK we would still have him - due to the language barrier there was at least one medication left off his prescription delivery and Mum simply didn’t notice because she didn’t understand the paperwork given to them

It gets cold in Spain in winter - really cold. As cold as the UK. I think a lot of people are completely mislead and think it’s year round sunshine - it really isn’t. And depending on where you are you may find much of the town closes down out of season. Utterly bleak even in retirement.

If you’re seriously considering a move abroad, I would look at Malta. You’re a lot more likely to be accepted on their retirement scheme as a permanent move, and English is their national language so that covers that obstacle for you.

I have experience of the opposite. My DF would have died many years sooner if it weren't for the absolutely outstanding care he received in Spain.

Heart operations in Hospital San Pau, Barcelona. A huge, glossy, clean hospital, a bit ‘modern airport’ like. Own room.
Key drugs prescribed that he couldn't have here as they were too expensive. Aftercare at a more local hospital.

Sunshine and lots of time outside kept him much fitter and mobile. Cheap, healthy food options and a good sense of community. My DM did learn Catalan and was able to manage their lives. Medical staff at San Pau spoke English or provided translators.

Certainly extended his life by years.

WallaceinAnderland · 26/10/2025 14:56

@handsdownthebest DH and I are hoping to do the same. Do you mind me asking, where do you find properties to rent in Europe for long stays. Is there a website you could recommend?

FinancesSorted · 26/10/2025 15:05

You need the adult children/grandchildren to move out ASAP. Put on your big girl pants and give them a deadline. It’s now about them living with you but you need your own space and the cheeky fuckers have taken advantage and abused your hospitality

Theresabatinmykitchen · 26/10/2025 15:20

I can’t understand why you gave £225,000 of your money away to your children at a time of life when you are fast approaching old age, you have been working 2 jobs so clearly you have never been particularly well off, adult children need to wait for their inheritance, I think it’s awful they actually took the money off you knowing you worked 2 jobs and have been recently widowed, but they are clearly spongers as they have moved back home and still expect you to fund them. Also what if you need care in the next 7 years? Isn’t that deprivation of assets?

handsdownthebest · 26/10/2025 15:24

WallaceinAnderland · 26/10/2025 14:56

@handsdownthebest DH and I are hoping to do the same. Do you mind me asking, where do you find properties to rent in Europe for long stays. Is there a website you could recommend?

First time we booked on airB&B but now book with local agents or people who rent properties. They are usually a minimum of 32 days. There are local FB pages where you can ask if anybody has a property for rent. We're in Mallorca at the moment, took a couple of days to drive down through France and got a fast ferry from Barcelona, but are planning on mainland Spain next year or possibly Algarve. Quite a few British cars here.
Driving means you can bring more stuff ( eg. bikes)...and even your dog, if you have one.

JosephineBoneApart · 26/10/2025 15:33

Existentialistic · 26/10/2025 13:54

I disagree. It sounds like the OP has worked really hard over the years and has now “had to” downsize. When thinking of inheritance, I’d like to think my first responsibility is to my spouse to ensure they could live out the rest of their life comfortably, rather than any adult DC. When we’re both gone then that is when the DC’s inherit anything that’s left.

Where is the evidence that it’s common for people aged 60+ to dole out large sums to their adult DC’s? The world is changing, not many gold plated final salary pensions out there anymore (instead a pot with a set sum of money to last an indeterminate time), and people living longer whilst also getting state pensions much later. There’s nothing worse than a dependence and entitlement on the “bank of Mum and Dad”.

Why do you disagree with facts?

I know many families who have given 'early inheritances' to their adult children to help them buy a house. Most of my generation now in their 60s benefited from final salary pensions. There is masses of evidence not just my anecdotal one, but if you know anything about the housing market you'll have seen a huge rise in parents helping their children to buy.

OP is 62. She's widowed. She clearly felt she could afford to give money to her children. No one made her.

Holluschickie · 26/10/2025 15:36

These one post never return OPs are so annoying.

JosephineBoneApart · 26/10/2025 15:38

Theresabatinmykitchen · 26/10/2025 15:20

I can’t understand why you gave £225,000 of your money away to your children at a time of life when you are fast approaching old age, you have been working 2 jobs so clearly you have never been particularly well off, adult children need to wait for their inheritance, I think it’s awful they actually took the money off you knowing you worked 2 jobs and have been recently widowed, but they are clearly spongers as they have moved back home and still expect you to fund them. Also what if you need care in the next 7 years? Isn’t that deprivation of assets?

You're confusing different issues.

Deprivation of assets is if it's clear you gave away a lot of money just before you needed it. eg someone aged 90, in poor health, who gave away £250K months and then tried to claim benefits /payment towards a care home. And even then the council would find a care home and it would be paid for once the person died and their house was sold.

The 7 year rule applies to gifts of money where the recipient can be taxed if the gift is received 7 years before death (of the person gifting it.) There is a sliding scale of tax starting at 40%.

Let's hope OP lives beyond 69!

AzurePanda · 26/10/2025 15:47

@Existentialistic it’s extremely common in my circles. We’re in our 50s and have already made arrangements to pass money down to our dc’s to help them buy property. With pensions now into IHT you are going to see more and more of this, to the extent that some people may not be left with enough to fund their own care, it’s a real worry.

InfrontOfK · 26/10/2025 15:59

Holluschickie · 26/10/2025 15:36

These one post never return OPs are so annoying.

Contentious issue, traffic for MN and advertising revenue whilst ‘we’ all discuss without the OP.

Wonder if there are people out there paid to write popular/contentious opening posts? While posters do all of the work!
Feels like that sometimes.

JosephineBoneApart · 26/10/2025 16:09

InfrontOfK · 26/10/2025 15:59

Contentious issue, traffic for MN and advertising revenue whilst ‘we’ all discuss without the OP.

Wonder if there are people out there paid to write popular/contentious opening posts? While posters do all of the work!
Feels like that sometimes.

Maybe OP expected more support but at the same time there has been a LOT of genuine helpful advice.

However, I'm getting fed up of with threads recently. One earlier today was taken down quickly ( 'looking behind the scenes'.)

Another was taken down yesterday as a troll was suspected but MN said no and it was taken down when it all got a bit frantic.

Existentialistic · 26/10/2025 16:10

JosephineBoneApart · 26/10/2025 15:33

Why do you disagree with facts?

I know many families who have given 'early inheritances' to their adult children to help them buy a house. Most of my generation now in their 60s benefited from final salary pensions. There is masses of evidence not just my anecdotal one, but if you know anything about the housing market you'll have seen a huge rise in parents helping their children to buy.

OP is 62. She's widowed. She clearly felt she could afford to give money to her children. No one made her.

I am well aware of house prices. It is one thing helping your children to buy. It’s another thing when a widow/widower gives most of their spousal inheritance away to the detriment of having enough to live out their old age, in relative comfort and to make good choices.

What we don’t know is whether OP’s DH left this money to their children, or whether she has been pressurised by them to give them
£££. If it’s the latter, then I hope OP is able/willing to take back control of her own finances.

JosephineBoneApart · 26/10/2025 16:11

AzurePanda · 26/10/2025 15:47

@Existentialistic it’s extremely common in my circles. We’re in our 50s and have already made arrangements to pass money down to our dc’s to help them buy property. With pensions now into IHT you are going to see more and more of this, to the extent that some people may not be left with enough to fund their own care, it’s a real worry.

I have friends who have bought their DCs almost a house! (Tiny mortgages left on them.)

Holluschickie · 26/10/2025 16:13

JosephineBoneApart · 26/10/2025 16:09

Maybe OP expected more support but at the same time there has been a LOT of genuine helpful advice.

However, I'm getting fed up of with threads recently. One earlier today was taken down quickly ( 'looking behind the scenes'.)

Another was taken down yesterday as a troll was suspected but MN said no and it was taken down when it all got a bit frantic.

How can anyone offer suppprt when she hasn't even said if she has EU citizenship?

Existentialistic · 26/10/2025 16:19

AzurePanda · 26/10/2025 15:47

@Existentialistic it’s extremely common in my circles. We’re in our 50s and have already made arrangements to pass money down to our dc’s to help them buy property. With pensions now into IHT you are going to see more and more of this, to the extent that some people may not be left with enough to fund their own care, it’s a real worry.

We have also helped our adult DC, but have budgeted as far as we can for retirement/old age too. It’s a balancing act. We have a responsibility to ourselves and any care we might need. I just hope that the OP has not been financially abused by her adult DC - I know this can happen in some families.

FullLondonEye · 26/10/2025 16:44

Sassylovesbooks · 26/10/2025 14:14

My honest opinion is not to sell your home here in the UK. My FIL and his wife moved lock, stock and barrel to Spain, and he had a stroke. They lost money on the property they purchased in Spain, as property prices plummeted. He moved back to the UK recently, along with his wife, as they could no longer manage or drive. They couldn't afford to buy another property, so are now renting back in the UK. They managed around 15 years in Spain, but in the end moving back was their only option. No family help in Spain. Your children may come to visit but unless they have unlimited holiday, it won't be often. What if you become unwell? They aren't necessarily going to be able to come out to assist. Spain don't provide much in the way of assistance to elderly people, like we do here in the UK. Care homes don't exist, as generally Spanish relatives look after their elderly ones. Hospitals have limited English speaking Doctors etc. My FIL and his wife, could barely string a sentence together in Spanish, so my advice is - learn the language. I'd look at long-term renting in Spain, maybe 3 months at a time - get a feel for different areas, if you are set on going. My FIL was on the Costa Blanca.

This is not all correct - care homes absolutely do exist here but they are expensive and oversubscribed just as they are in the UK. We also have assisted living facilities. There is some social care for older people but few British people of that age are in a position to navigate the system well enough to benefit. It is also not necessarily as cold in winter as the UK is unless you're in the very northern, mountainous areas and these don't tend to attract so many British retirees. On the Costa Blanca it rarely ever goes below 0 degrees for example. However the problem is that the housing is generally not built for winter, much is built for northern Europeans on summer holidays, so what you get is very little or no insulation, flimsy windows and doors without double glazing and no central heating. It's expensive using electricity to heat and largely pointless because so much of the heat you are creating just leaks out through the building structure and windows.

There's very little point in suggesting a British person of retirement age learn Spanish. Unless they have significant experience in learning and using foreign languages (I don't mean an O level in French 50 years ago) they simply won't be able to do it to any meaningful degree. The older the brain, the harder it is to retain the information and harder still for lifetime monolingual Brits compared to Belgian or Scandinavians, for example, who are usually used to speaking other languages. Those with a very open mind will do better but the rest should not begrudge paying an interpreter. It's the courteous thing to do.

I work for a charity designed to help Brits in Spain with whatever issues they have. I am a medical interpreter specifically so I attend appointments to interpret for my clients and often then have to be part of the aftermath of that which can include applying for social care, care homes and even the practical side of moving back to the UK.

What strikes us all in our charity is how little forethought some people seem to put into retiring out here. In their 60s or 70s people will buy three storey houses on hills, full of steps, and out of the way of any facilities or public transport so they need to drive everywhere - my own parents did the same and scoffed when I suggested that may not be the most practical situation for them. Unsurprisingly as old age has affected them I've had to move them in with me as their own property was unsuitable and I was struggling to keep up with their needs.

As falls, strokes, cataracts etc. become a problem these British retirees are invariably astonished that their lives become difficult to manage in their particular circumstances but refuse to help themselves in any way by even considering moving to somewhere more suitable. They expect family in the UK to drop everything to fly over and look after them every time the latest emergency crops up - then moan that their children are selfish and uncaring for not being there more. Meanwhile these parents refuse to accept visits from a carer or other kind of assistance in the home that could take some of the pressure off. This often means maybe four times a year or more that an adult child needs to arrange emergency time off work, find care for their children or pets, leave their lives behind and manage the expense of an emergency trip to Spain of an undetermined length of time. I rarely see any gratitude on the part of the parents - the ones who chose to move so far away without considering the practicalities.

Our charity has run a campaign for the last few years encouraging and offering practical help for these people to futureproof their lives a bit. It's unbelievable how many chuckle and tell you they don't need it.

Sorry, I know this is too long and could probably be a whole thread of its own but the point is, @Harbans, you have a lot to think about as well as legal requirements for residency if you decide to move to Spain. While many out here manage to live very comfortable, happy lives in their last years, you need to do your research and think carefully about how you would make it work in your circumstances. To do it well you will need a very healthy income. If it's all down to getting away from your kids you should probably work on that first and then if you still want to go, spend the money with relocation experts to improve your chances of a successful outcome here.

zingally · 26/10/2025 16:52

Basilisthebestherb · 26/10/2025 14:10

Why Spain OP?

My parents bought a property there years ago and started the process to be there permanently - this was pre Brexit. Mum has since moved back to the UK alone. Dad died in Spain and I am convinced had he been in the UK we would still have him - due to the language barrier there was at least one medication left off his prescription delivery and Mum simply didn’t notice because she didn’t understand the paperwork given to them

It gets cold in Spain in winter - really cold. As cold as the UK. I think a lot of people are completely mislead and think it’s year round sunshine - it really isn’t. And depending on where you are you may find much of the town closes down out of season. Utterly bleak even in retirement.

If you’re seriously considering a move abroad, I would look at Malta. You’re a lot more likely to be accepted on their retirement scheme as a permanent move, and English is their national language so that covers that obstacle for you.

The same thing happened to the lady I bought my house from.
She and her husband moved out to Spain. They hadn't been there terribly long, only a couple of years, and then he died suddenly and she was stuck.
She moved back to the UK in a bit of a hurry, getting pretty much the first house she could find... Did it up all nice, then decided it wasn't big enough for her 2 very large dogs. Needless to say, I was happy to take it off her hands.

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