Your house gets broken into , you can only use a toy in your home to defend yourself , which toy are you choosing? are

[OneUmberJoker]

A tennis ball

😂

Are you allowed adult toys? I own a lovely Klingon dagger ... I am sure it wouldn't be much use carving the Sunday joint, but it's got a very pointy end.

Potato gun close range that shit hurts 😂

One of my DCs scooters - those bad boys have smacked my ankles so many times and kill!!

Rubber snake. It’s like a cross between a lasso and a horse whip.

Walkie talkie

Someone, somewhere must be listening!!!!?

Swing a scooter at their shins.

Lego, obviously. They’d fall straight over it.

No kids at home anymore so would have to be DH's PS5, maybe whip them with the cable 🤔 😂.

Oh dear - all that’s to hand is a tiny fabric snake filled with catnip 😭

Pikachu, I choose you. Thunder jolt!

This actually happened to me, I woke up in the middle of the night and could hear someone trying to break in, I jumped out of bed and ran down the stairs in my nighty switching all the lights on as I went ran into the living room where I saw two men at the patio doors trying to get in. I picked up a sausage dog draught excluder and swung it over my head while shouting at them to get the fuck away from my house. I must have looked totally crazy because they legged it and by the time DH got down stairs they were gone. We obviously did call the police at that point.

DH now says he wants to get a sign for the house saying "Beware Boudica lives here".

Sounds scary @Chinapattern

I would use the giant cuddly JellyCat octopus (pink) on my sofa. He - someone named him Dave - would tentacle the intruder until the police arrived.

@RedRosie It was weird because I wasn't scared at all, just furious! It was only after I realised how horrible it had been.

Local secondary school here went into lockdown in October because someone was walking around nearby with one.

A roller skate. I'd swing it round by the laces, it could do some proper damage if needed. Although, I think it has the potential for me to find myself in a Tony Martin situation.

A surprisingly heavy pretend driving toy, grabging the knob and swinging it round at speed should be effective. Gives directions in French as well as English so could hopefully convince burgers there are 2 of us. Otherwise books, lots of books, potential frisbee throwing action to get the burglar at a distance and everyone says paper cuts are incredibly painful.

Lego on the floor is the wrong answer as burglars wear shoes.

ASMR microphone to freak them out and think the house was haunted. If that didn’t work, I’d fling jenga blocks at them and stick ‘pick up sticks’ in painful places.

Emily said s a Tonka digger. You can swing it and they are very chunky

Lego

Maybe dd's keyboard could work? Failing that then the collective weight of the hundreds of soft toys must do something useful, or at least create some sort of blockade.

Actually, I've just realised she has a recorder, that would scare most people off.

Catapult which was taken off DNephew at DM’s house and somehow I’ve ended up with it.

I have Jenga, however it’s downstairs.