If you are anti private school are you also anti tutoring?

[WWGD]

Putting aside the obvious - that a tutor is about £2k a year and private school about £25k a year…

My kids are state educated. Many of our friends are surprised by this as they go private, but our objection is political as much as financial. We just don’t believe it is right to buy that level of privilege and opportunity. We’d also rather spend that money on holidays etc.

dd has asked for a tutor in subjects she is struggling with. I have arranged this. But this too is buying privilege and opportunity. Though not the networking and prestige.

I am comfortable with my decisions. I am just wondering whether people who are anti private school for political reasons also think tutoring is beyond the pale?

I was going to put this in aibu but actually am interested in people’s views rather than being flamed.

They aren't equal though, you could live in social housing or have the lottery system and it's way more accessible than paying thousands for an education which is completely unattainable for most in state schools.

I would add that I think that a lot of middle class parents waste money on private education when their privileged offspring would probably do equally well in the state sector, but that is their decision and their prerogative. I cannot judge any parent for doing what they believe is the best thing for their child.

I just want all children to have comparable opportunities.

Whilst our votes might choose a party to govern, how decisions are made and how money is spent is not down to a vote. And the Venn diagram of those sending their children to private school, and those having either the careers or finances or connections to influence government policy and taxation decisions has a massive overlap. This is not about the decisions of the parents of the 93%, should they choose to exercise their vote, it’s about the ongoing power and influence that sits squarely with the parents of the 7%. Which would quickly change focus to education if their children had to attend state school like everyone else.

What makes you think that? We all rely on the NHS for emergency medicine and I don't see that that has improved A&E waiting times. Us all relying on the police to solve crimes or the council to fix roads doesn't magically improve these services either.

I imagine that if there were no private schools state schools would continue to be underfunded by the government and very similar to the way they are at the moment. The ex private school parents would probably top up with private tutors or in the case of the very wealthy maybe use overseas boarding schools.

There is usually a large degree of segregation created by area of housing children come from though, especially since the old council houses in those areas got sold off

Private day schools in cities give bursaries for bright poor children from any area though sadly do not have enough for all who would benefit.

Agreed. I can't see what the benefit to society is for parents who could get their child a better education to turn that down, as Jeremy Corbyn wanted to do for his son, 20 or 30 years ago now. He (educated at a private prep school and a grammar school) wanted the boy to go to the nearest school even though it was notoriously rough and very poor academically, on the grounds that everybody ought to go just to the nearest school, no matter what it was like. His wife wanted him to go to a grammar school. She won, but they got divorced. I never liked him anyway but when I heard that story I was horrified.

it baffles me why anyone would be anti private school

I’m really lucky we live a in a genuinely diverse area. And primary school, we got to be mates with everyone. But yes, there is segregation in housing.

Does it though? I’d have thought it was glaringly obvious.

Speaking as someone who could afford it and didn’t.

or to use your social and to some extent financial capital to get your child into a faith school by getting them baptised and attending church for the required period (and getting that recorded),

I don't understand the above, my parents were immigrants with little who happened to be catholic. What social and financial privilege did they need to go to church which they would have done with or without dc?

I think it would change focus to getting their children into what they perceived as the best state schools and putting extra funding directly into those schools. I can't see why they would worry about any other schools any more or less than they do now.

In your case, none. There are plenty of parents who do find religion only in the run up to school admissions, though.

IMO the only people who consider private schools to be “wrong” are those who can’t afford them. The ones who are most vocal about how wrong private education is are usually the ones who can afford to move into catchment areas for better schools and who can pay for tutors and extra curricular activities. I think people make their choices and then choose how to justify them. Why do you think private schools are unfair but it’s ok for your child to benefit from extra tuition? I don’t have an issue with either - but surely the only difference here is the amount of money you are able/prepared to spend on your child’s education? Why do you assume that a parent making the decision to go private is any different to the decision you have made?

It’s bought help or privileged step up so the same as a cleaner, or expensive branded clothing/bags etc, so yes I would class them the same.

Private day schools in cities give bursaries for bright poor children from any area though sadly do not have enough for all who would benefit.

The children who access the bursaries tend to come from particular backgrounds though I wouldn't call them poor just unavailable to afford fees.

Only for the 11+.

@Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g and do you think these parents are the majority? At my churches I have very rarely seen an older dc get baptised and the vast majority of parents at my church, my dc's schools & my own schools are catholic. Is that very different to your experience of faith schools?

tell yourself what you like OP.

You have bought privilege so that your child can do better than others who can’t have it.

Also some people don’t send their children to private school to buy privilege. Alot send their children because they do not have faith in the state school offer to realise the potential of their children, and will take responsibility for their education. That means loans, sacrificing holidays and reducing their privilege in other areas.

It’s about priorities, not privilege.

I have no experience of faith schools, as we are an atheist family. Also, my own children are in their 30s now and there's been a lot of change since we were going through school admissions. However, back then we definitely knew parents who were using every trick in the book to avoid the state schools with a bad reputation (our nearest school at that point, unfortunately), and finding religion was certainly one tool in the armoury.

In our catchment area it’s 50 weeks of church attendance every week from when the child is 3 years of age. 2 weeks off for holidays.

There are plenty of privilege quizzes out there and having a private education is only one small part.
You are privileged if you and your family;

don’t have disabilities or serious health concerns
have not suffered abuse or serious bullying
never worry about paying essential bills

Whether you pay for tutoring is a minor issue if your children are well loved and receiving a good education.

IMO the only people who consider private schools to be “wrong” are those who can’t afford them

You know this is nonsense right? Go to any state school in a nice middle class area and lots of the parents could easily afford private education and choose not to.

OP our object to private education wasn’t based on “bought privilege”. We’re happily married, highly educated, highly paid middle class parents who raised our children in a nice, safe area, with access to parks, libraries, museums, books, technology, travel, music lessons, sports etc etc etc. State school or not (tutors or not) our children are privileged.

Our issue was that in our experience private schools are mostly full of one type of people. We wanted our children to grown up with children from a range of backgrounds and experiences.

Our children have friends who live in mansions and friends who live in council houses.

We brought them up to be aware of the advantages that we’ve been fortunate enough to give them and to understand the head start it has given them.

The PTAs of state schools in Richmond and Hampstead would find themselves flush with cash after a series of unusually successful "school bake sales" and everyone else would continue chugging along the exact same path.

This. I think it's just so they can buy themselves good conscience by not going to private school but still being very priviliged.

My DS attends a private catholic secondary school. We're atheist. Catholic "studies" are optional 2 h/week which we declined. It's the best secondary in the region so many families put their children there whether catholic or not. There is even one muslim boy in my son's class.