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Original poster

What can I say to reassure short 18 yo son

83 replies

Movingon2024 · 11/10/2025 21:13

It’s DS 18th tomorrow. Jus had a family dinner to celebrate.

He was upset afterwards because the waitress assumed he couldn’t have wine. He has always been very small for his age -9th centile since birth. He does look more like 16 than 18 tbh. Both I (5’3) and his dad (5’8) are not tall and we both had puberty quite late.

he’s always followed a normal growth pattern for his centile, and I have checked with the GP a few times throughout the years, and always been told he’s following a normal pattern and will get there eventually.

But tonight he was really upset. He is going away with his friends in half term and is worried they will get into clubs and he won,t, even with ID.

I have tried to reassure him but nothing I say seems to work. Does anyone have any ideas? What can I say to make him feel better? Seems such a shame for him on the eve of his 18th.

OP posts:
MolliciousIntent · 11/10/2025 21:14

How tall is he?

Beamur · 11/10/2025 21:15

If he has ID he'll be fine.
Not all women are mad for tall men. My DD who is 5'4" only likes men her height!

MidnightPatrol · 11/10/2025 21:15

Nothing you can say will really make it any better, and probably just annoy him.

In good news, once he’s 18, with ID… the problem disappears for buying drinks and getting into clubs.

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Families
Wowzel · 11/10/2025 21:15

He'll be fine with decent ID. How tall is he?

familyissues12345 · 11/10/2025 21:17

How tall is he?

we have similar sadness here, my DS has ended up shorter than expected due to a medical condition and he’s found it hard to accept. He isn’t particularly short, but we’re a tall family so he feels it’s noticeable

YaWeeFurryBastard · 11/10/2025 21:18

My husband is pretty short and has a great life and career, never had a shortage of girlfriends either. It’s not the end of the world being short, some men are pig ugly or arseholes which is worse. If he has ID he’ll be absolutely fine.

Hysterectomynext · 11/10/2025 21:20

It’s charisma that attracts people. Not height at all. Some of the most attractive men I’ve met have been short. And as others have said- he will have ID soon so that will be ok. And it’s normal to be asked for ID right into your 20s so it won’t just be him needing to prove his age. His friends will need to do the same.
But confidence is everything. I hope he has a great birthday!

pumpkinscake · 11/10/2025 21:21

He is the height he is. People come in every height, colour, weight that there is. All you can do is transmit to him that these variations are not important. Only maturity will allow him to really accept this

Ddakji · 11/10/2025 21:23

Being ID’d isn’t really to do with height, more looking young.

I was continually ID’d, right up until I was 35.

Original poster
Movingon2024 · 11/10/2025 21:23

He’s 5 ft 4 atm.
he looks so young though. 16 really.
his dad was a late bloomer so assume DS will be too.

I just need something to say to make him feel bEtter really,

OP posts:
MolliciousIntent · 11/10/2025 21:26

Movingon2024 · 11/10/2025 21:23

He’s 5 ft 4 atm.
he looks so young though. 16 really.
his dad was a late bloomer so assume DS will be too.

I just need something to say to make him feel bEtter really,

You're not going to be able to make him feel better, because you're his mum. He's not going to believe a word you say, because he knows you'd say anything to make him feel better.

If it helps, my husband is 5ft4, and has been since he was 14. It's never held him back any, and it's never stopped him buying a drink.

Bouncers know that there's a HUGE variance in appearance for teens. Theyll be checking that the ID isn't obviously fake, and that it's him in the picture. They won't be judging based on what he looks like.

HollyhockDays · 11/10/2025 21:31

DS is 17 and is about 5/4. We had investigated and he has delayed puberty. He has been monitored by an endocrinologist. She takes into account bone age (wrist X-ray), body hair and testicular size. She says DS will grow for another few years. You could get it investigated but it might be too late for treatment.

Nn9011 · 11/10/2025 21:34

Assuming he's straight here but I'd explain that the idea of women preferring tall men comes from men's insecurity, attitudes of men towards their partner's when they try to wear heels or want to take pictures. It's also part of this hypersexuality expectation of men.
It's much better to be a good person with a strong personality and that is what will get him far in life whether it's work/relationships etc..

Original poster
Movingon2024 · 11/10/2025 21:35

HollyhockDays · 11/10/2025 21:31

DS is 17 and is about 5/4. We had investigated and he has delayed puberty. He has been monitored by an endocrinologist. She takes into account bone age (wrist X-ray), body hair and testicular size. She says DS will grow for another few years. You could get it investigated but it might be too late for treatment.

Thanks @HollyhockDays , is your son being treated?

from what I read and from what the gp said it’s just a waiting game.

OP posts:
Original poster
Movingon2024 · 11/10/2025 21:36

MolliciousIntent · 11/10/2025 21:26

You're not going to be able to make him feel better, because you're his mum. He's not going to believe a word you say, because he knows you'd say anything to make him feel better.

If it helps, my husband is 5ft4, and has been since he was 14. It's never held him back any, and it's never stopped him buying a drink.

Bouncers know that there's a HUGE variance in appearance for teens. Theyll be checking that the ID isn't obviously fake, and that it's him in the picture. They won't be judging based on what he looks like.

Show quote history

You’re right I know. Just feel bad for him tonight.

OP posts:
Timeforabitofpeace · 11/10/2025 21:37

I read very recently that growth can stop at 18 or continue until 25.

HollyhockDays · 11/10/2025 21:38

Yes he had treatment two years ago. To be honest the GP was a bit shit and we had to go privately but were the referred back into the NHS, but at that point we knew there was a problem.

YaWeeFurryBastard · 11/10/2025 21:38

Movingon2024 · 11/10/2025 21:36

You’re right I know. Just feel bad for him tonight.

Show quote history

Just reassure him that the vast majority of people have a physical trait they are insecure about and it’s totally normal to be asked for ID at his age (think 25 policy). I’d also be pointing out that his Dad isn’t especially tall and still has a happy life and a family.

Original poster
Movingon2024 · 11/10/2025 21:43

will try. I thought there wasn’t much they could do if it’s just normal slow growth.
he has body hair, shaves etc. just still looks so young.

i’ll try the body trait insecurity thing thanks @YaWeeFurryBastard

OP posts:
HerculesMulligannn · 11/10/2025 21:45

I don’t know if this might help yr DS. My DS is 23 and works in a pub. Their staff guidelines are very strict about ID’ing people (using Think25) and DS says if anyone looks younger than him or only a bit older he will always id them - he has to if he thinks they are not older than 25. So I would deffo frame the id’ing as an issue at the pub’s end, and no comment at all on yr son. DS says they are not looking at whether someone is 16 vs 18, more are they likely 25. So obvs yr DS is going to be id’ed a bit over the next few years. Also once the pub staff have seen the id, no one gives it a second thought, their backsides are covered

TheCurious0range · 11/10/2025 21:47

My DB is short 5'7 and looked about 12 until he started growing a beard in his late twenties, he has a great career, earns well, married, two DC, a really good group of friends he can rely on who've been there for years. Life isn't about height. My DM is 5'1 and my DF is 5'6 maybe 5'7 at a push. At 5'10 and female I'm the family oddball! (My life is also good)

DiscoBob · 11/10/2025 21:47

Tell him that staff who serve alcohol have to question and ID anyone that looks under 25. So he probably will need to show it but once he does he'll be served no problem.

YaWeeFurryBastard · 11/10/2025 21:48

Movingon2024 · 11/10/2025 21:43

will try. I thought there wasn’t much they could do if it’s just normal slow growth.
he has body hair, shaves etc. just still looks so young.

i’ll try the body trait insecurity thing thanks @YaWeeFurryBastard

It’s true, there are plenty of blokes who are insecure about or picked on for having, for example, sticky out ears or a receding hairline. I’m sure your son is a lovely person and has plenty of attractive traits as well.

DoOneBetty · 11/10/2025 21:50

YaWeeFurryBastard · 11/10/2025 21:38

Just reassure him that the vast majority of people have a physical trait they are insecure about and it’s totally normal to be asked for ID at his age (think 25 policy). I’d also be pointing out that his Dad isn’t especially tall and still has a happy life and a family.

Show quote history

Definitely this. Everyone has something they dislike about themselves.

ID wise all the bars/clubs where I live ID everyone going into the bar if they look under 25. Ds told me they only accept a provisional or full driving license as proof of ID and not those Citizen cards.

stichguru · 11/10/2025 21:51

I get why your son doesn't find it easy, but I think he's just got to get on with it. My son is 5ft7 ish now at 12 and that isn't easy either, but it's just how life is. He's been taken to year 5 when he was only year 2 and regularly mistaken for a year 9 or 10 in year 7!