What can I say to reassure short 18 yo son

[Movingon2024]

It’s DS 18th tomorrow. Jus had a family dinner to celebrate.

He was upset afterwards because the waitress assumed he couldn’t have wine. He has always been very small for his age -9th centile since birth. He does look more like 16 than 18 tbh. Both I (5’3) and his dad (5’8) are not tall and we both had puberty quite late.

he’s always followed a normal growth pattern for his centile, and I have checked with the GP a few times throughout the years, and always been told he’s following a normal pattern and will get there eventually.

But tonight he was really upset. He is going away with his friends in half term and is worried they will get into clubs and he won,t, even with ID.

I have tried to reassure him but nothing I say seems to work. Does anyone have any ideas? What can I say to make him feel better? Seems such a shame for him on the eve of his 18th.

It's very unlikely to be a medical issue, 5ft 4 is actually on the 9th percentile for an 18yo male, he's tracked the same percentile consistently and it's one that you'd completely expect, given his parents heights.

I love this post. This is the sort of evidence I used to collect for DS2 when he was so lacking in confidence about his height. But he has had several flings, a couple of medium term relationships and has been with his current girlfriend for two years, living together for 1 year. He has a good job. Nothing holding him back.

I don’t think there’s a magic phrase to be honest because it is something that will come up, we’ve always said it to ds but he still knows people see him as younger etc. I think you just say it matters to you but nobody else will think about it, just have your Id and enjoy being old enough.

I’d keep it light and keep complimenting him in other areas. Tell him, when he’s older and wrinkly he won’t believe there was a day in the past where he was wishing he looked older. Tell him, on his 40th birthday, you will remind of how he wanted to look older. Remind him of Tom Cruise’s wealth & success if he mentions his height. Remind him he is handsome regularly.

This 👆

I had the same. I was kind of sad when they stopped asking me for ID 🤣

Sorry to say but people are minimising - it’s been proven again and again that being a short MAN (not woman) causes depression and has worst job outcomes etc (happy to send studies). I wish accessing an endo would be easier. If OP had gone when the child was 12 he would be 5’8 or so now. Thankfully we didn’t listen and took my step son to endo and he’s now 6’3. Growth hormone deficiency is real and it’s a real illness with consequences additional to just height. Nothing to laugh about and nothing to minimise. Sorry OP for many of the responses here

Bruno Mars is only 5ft5. He needs to have the right energy and not develop a case of short man syndrome which is deeply unattractive.

I read that the shorter one is, the longer one lives.

Does your son crave physical challenges?
Sometimes having a small body is fine if it can perform and participate in active pursuits.
Your son might gain respect for his own body if he becomes skilled in something enjoyable with his friends.

snowboarding.
team sport.
athletics.
endurance orienteering.
sailing.
bauldering.
swimming.
rowing.
cycling
BMX.
football.
table tennis.
motorbike trail riding.
dog training
Taekwondo.

Or learns to DIY and build things like dog houses, pergolas, forts.