What can I say to reassure short 18 yo son

[Movingon2024]

It’s DS 18th tomorrow. Jus had a family dinner to celebrate.

He was upset afterwards because the waitress assumed he couldn’t have wine. He has always been very small for his age -9th centile since birth. He does look more like 16 than 18 tbh. Both I (5’3) and his dad (5’8) are not tall and we both had puberty quite late.

he’s always followed a normal growth pattern for his centile, and I have checked with the GP a few times throughout the years, and always been told he’s following a normal pattern and will get there eventually.

But tonight he was really upset. He is going away with his friends in half term and is worried they will get into clubs and he won,t, even with ID.

I have tried to reassure him but nothing I say seems to work. Does anyone have any ideas? What can I say to make him feel better? Seems such a shame for him on the eve of his 18th.

Tell him from me my DH is 5 ft 4 and has been beating women off with a shitty stick all his life because he is not overtly unattractive and funny and kind.

My 22 year old son looks about 16. He takes his ID out and is generally asked for it almost everywhere he goes, but once shown, never has an issue getting a drink.

Height like everything else is just a part of who we are. Celebrate all that he is and encourage him to too. Also loads of 18 yo have to have their ID, my much older son always carries his (baby-faced assassin).

Well DS is 19 and just under 6ft, but has been since he was about 14. We were at a small family gathering in a social club we hired last week (funeral, not an 18th or anything) and he forgot his ID, they wouldn’t serve him even though he was there were hardly any younger people there, we were all family confirming his age. So to reassure him, it’s nothing to do with his height. It’s ID or no ID.

Also, DSS continued to grow until he was about 22.

Dd2 who is 30 & 5’2 is marrying her lovely boyfriend next year who is 30& 5’4.
They both look so young and get asked for id where ever they go.
they don’t care though.
now they are older they like the fact they look younger 😀

My son definitely continued to grow until 21, maybe even 22.
I used to measure him every time he came home from uni. He’s 6’ 4” now.

Loads of women only date men over 6 foot

Only about 10% of men in the UK are 6ft or over so those women will be severely limiting their dating pool.

OP - encourage your DS to go to the gym and start weight training.

My DD is 5'1, her boyfriend is 5'7. They're 20 years old, are a gorgeous looking couple and they know it 😊

I was IDed until I was over 28 and am an average height woman

My view on this because my baby boy is smaller was initial panic.
then i reflected....

my DH is 35 (and 5"7 on a very good day)... looking at our "baby friend group" he is the "2nd tallest"!!!

In terms of lifestyle....
He's one level below c suite, another is similar/on track for c suite (both make 100k plus). 3rd is similar doing something boring but £££ at black rock.

they are 5"3 5"4 and 5"7.
they have all NICE kind men with good jobs, amazing funny / nice wives!! Good marriages and 2 beautiful/ healthy/wonderful kids! They are excellent fathers and husbands.... They all live in nice £1m+ 4 bed type family homes (at least 2 of them had no family help with that) and have mates / good social lives.

Many men would be jealous of their lives - their shortness hasn't held them back in anyway...
They arent suffering from the male loneliness epidemic...
The tallest ones life is similar... no better or worse...

What i would say observationally is they did meet their wives slightly later (like late 20s).
I think women did recognise their amazingnees due to height early on BUT they still got great partners.

”Challenge 25” means people will be asked for ID by looking under 25 as opposed to under 18. So being asked for ID is not unusual. From what you describe it’s likely his height and facial features that have highlighted him.

as others have said if this is an insecurity he will just need to work through it. Give him the facts re challenge 25, tell him he still can grow/mature and most importantly physical appearance is just outside his control. It’s a lot harder for boys to look older compared to girls who may enhance their appearance via makeup for example

tbe good thing is he HAS ID now so as long as he is carrying it should not have issues!

I've one son who is 22 and 5'6" and one who is 20 and 6'3".... They both have things they don't like about their physical appearance. And the shorter, older one gets ID'd a lot more than his younger, taller, bushy bearded brother...That said, they get ID'd all the time as they are under 25.

He's aware his height is an issue, and so many women won't even talk to him/consider a date as he is 'short', but he's made up for it in other ways. He does a physical outdoor job and so is absolutely ripped physically, tanned and he's the most gentle and friendly human I know....he's more successful with the ladies overall and still gets into every pub....

He's one level below c suite, another is similar/on track for c suite

What's that?

He’ll have to find his own way with this, I doubt you can reassure him. But I know several very attractive very successful very short men and perhaps he will meet some soon too and take heart. His ID will get him into clubs.

as long as his friends are 18 too. I was the oldest in my friend group and they'd all been going clubbing at least 6 months before I turned 18 and went along too. I produced my ID fine but it then prompted the door staff to ID everyone else in the group. I wasn't particularly popular that evening!

Thanks all. We’ve had a good start so far to his 18th.

i’m trying to put it in the round - you’re clever, healthy, great future etc and this will fall into place. But it’s tough when you just want to be like all your peers.

some helpful (and less helpful) advice here thanks. It’s useful to hear from many of you who have shorter husbands/partners and on the ID. I didn’t know about Challenge 25.

i’ll try to get referred to an endocrinologist but tbh since his dad and I are both small and we’re late developers, seems like it’s just part of his growth pattern.

I believe staff are meant to ID anyone who looks under 21 so it’s not a shocker that as he’s just turned 18 they would ID him anyhow, maybe that could put some perspective on things for him? X

It's 25 now. My 19 year old DS is 6'4" with a beard (it's a bit patchy though 🤣) and he gets ID'ed everywhere, as does my 21 year old daughter who's 5'9".

My son still takes his ID with him just in case at twenty and 6’1, it’s normal to have to show your ID when you’re around that age group.

Remember who the most popular member of the Monkees was with female fans - little baby faced Davy Jones! Show him footage of the Monkees and the positive role model of a young looking diminutive guy who all the girls loved. Personality and confidence goes a long, long way.

Do you not think that being wealthy is a good reason why they have wives? A 5’4” man working in a supermarket is unfortunately not going to be looked at in the same way as a man of a similar height who earns 6 digits. I’m surprised the doctors didn’t refer OP’s son. He’s the average height of a woman. Taller man have it a lot easier and they don’t need to earn 6 figures.

I’m 5ft 4 and work with a number of men the same height as me, all long stopped growing. He may just be on the short side.

My DS 19 is ID all the time and this will continue., he has zero facial hair, slim, about 5ft 7 and not at all ‘manly’ . It does annoy him but tbh he knows that places serving alcohol need to protect themselves.

Being short doesn’t preclude success, both professionally and romantically…

in no particular order:

Tom Cruise
Michael J Fox
Martin Freeman
Al Pacino
Dustin Hoffman
Henry Winkler
James Dean……..

They weren't necessarily that way when their wives met them . my dh was making 30 something maybe 40k(?) And I was earning double that so honestly it nothing much to write home about and def not what lured me to him (he was well educated though)...
My point is more yes he'll likely have to work harder just like women/ fat women / ethnic minorities do... But his life isnt doomed....

My point is more yes he'll likely have to work harder just like women/ fat women / ethnic minorities do

I’m an ethnic minority woman (not fat) and I don’t think I’ve had to work harder than others except those who were born into wealth.

Its annoying. I got IDed right up into my late thirties and look my age (am definitely not that magic ever young looking MNetter). My sister used to get asked what she was doing for her A-levels to late twenties. People don’t look at you closely. My husband is short and it doesn’t seem to impact how attracted people are to him or his career. I’d be robustly dismissive of the whole angst because frankly that will reassure him most.

It could well be but it could also be an issue. He's barely taller than you and boys are meant to be ( scientifically) taller than their mothers.
Also if puberty is slow kicking in....he might need some intervention.

This happened to a friend' son and he did indeed need some injections to get things moving.