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Original poster

What can I say to reassure short 18 yo son

83 replies

Movingon2024 · 11/10/2025 21:13

It’s DS 18th tomorrow. Jus had a family dinner to celebrate.

He was upset afterwards because the waitress assumed he couldn’t have wine. He has always been very small for his age -9th centile since birth. He does look more like 16 than 18 tbh. Both I (5’3) and his dad (5’8) are not tall and we both had puberty quite late.

he’s always followed a normal growth pattern for his centile, and I have checked with the GP a few times throughout the years, and always been told he’s following a normal pattern and will get there eventually.

But tonight he was really upset. He is going away with his friends in half term and is worried they will get into clubs and he won,t, even with ID.

I have tried to reassure him but nothing I say seems to work. Does anyone have any ideas? What can I say to make him feel better? Seems such a shame for him on the eve of his 18th.

OP posts:
Original poster
Movingon2024 · 11/10/2025 21:57

Some really helpful tips thanks. Especially those on being ID’d as totally normal.
he might just have to get on with it; but that is really not going to help him tonight thanks @stichguru

OP posts:
FrauPaige · 11/10/2025 22:05

I have a short nephew and have been part of these reassuring conversations, so can empathise.

Tell him that he will grow into his looks, and that when he is 28 and his mates are receding and getting pattern baldness, he'll have the handsome looks and vigor of a 22 year old.

Also point out to him that a short frame and low centre of gravity are advantageous for wrestling - 5'4" is actually the average height for an MMA fighter in the flyweight class (if he is into contact sports). It's also advantageous in motorsports - in MotoGP, the world champion last year was 5'4" and most riders are 5'7" or below.

He's most likely not finished growing yet, so he'll probably end up at 5'8" and be in the global average range.

YaWeeFurryBastard · 11/10/2025 22:07

Movingon2024 · 11/10/2025 21:57

Some really helpful tips thanks. Especially those on being ID’d as totally normal.
he might just have to get on with it; but that is really not going to help him tonight thanks @stichguru

If it’s specifically to do with being ID’d can you tell him that most businesses operate a challenge 25 policy because if they are caught selling alcohol to underage people they can be fined up to £20k or even lose their licence so they always err on the side of caution. It’s definitely the norm to be asked for ID as a young person, I’d say it will be happening to almost all of his mates regardless of height!

Also I’m much older than your son and even when I was clubbing in several clubs they had introduced mandatory ID scanners for all customers so they had a record of who was in there and to confirm they weren’t fakes. He will be absolutely fine with a valid ID.

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Families
mnahmnah · 11/10/2025 22:07

Bruno Mars and Daniel Radcliffe are both that height and are doing very well! Confident etc. maybe show him some role models?

CountryQueen · 11/10/2025 22:09

It’s challenge 25 and he looks young because he is young! It’s horrible being a teenager and we all had traits we hate. I’ll swap him his youth for my age, I don’t get ID anymore 😅

BrokenWingsCantFly · 11/10/2025 22:32

HerculesMulligannn · 11/10/2025 21:45

I don’t know if this might help yr DS. My DS is 23 and works in a pub. Their staff guidelines are very strict about ID’ing people (using Think25) and DS says if anyone looks younger than him or only a bit older he will always id them - he has to if he thinks they are not older than 25. So I would deffo frame the id’ing as an issue at the pub’s end, and no comment at all on yr son. DS says they are not looking at whether someone is 16 vs 18, more are they likely 25. So obvs yr DS is going to be id’ed a bit over the next few years. Also once the pub staff have seen the id, no one gives it a second thought, their backsides are covered

This
I worked in a pub for years, was challage 21 when I last worked there but I was overly cautious as we were warned there was now a £1000 fine if we served anyone underage, and we would loose our jobs if this was to happen. The oldest person I asked for ID was 31 (not short just young face), I was embarrassed but she was lovely about it. Then I get older and was last asked for ID for cigarettes at 36! And I am not short for a woman, went there with no makeup so assume my face was just hard to place an age on.
Height has nothing to do with it i assure you, and if she hadn't asked for ID then she certainly wouldn't have been doing her job properly since just a few days ago he was underage. No ones age radar is that exact.

timestressed · 11/10/2025 22:38

Young men grow until they are 25, obviously not guaranteed he will. My son grew few more centimeters at Uni.

gillefc82 · 11/10/2025 22:40

I’m 5’3 and also have always looked younger than my age.

Growing up I hated being the young looking one in my friend group, especially when, whilst in sixth form, I was deliberately excluded from a few nights out into town when we were 16-17, as they were convinced I’d be ID’d and they wouldn’t get into bars/clubs as a result. Even more hurtful that I only found out after the fact when one of them slipped up and the full story came out about a few of these secret nights out I hadn’t been invited to.

But my Mum always reassured me that once I was older I’d be grateful for looking naturally more youthful, particularly as my “friends” grew older and looked their age/older. And she was right!

I understand that height is a more sensitive issue for men than women so I get why he may be self conscious but honestly, your DS really shouldn’t worry. Not only does he still have a few years of growing ahead of him, there are also plenty of girls/women who either prefer shorter men or are not bothered by height as a factor in choosing who to date/partner with. My DH is 5’6 and it works perfectly for me. More importantly he’s loving, supportive, loyal, hard working and we fancy the pants off each other - his height is and never was a consideration.

Notmyreality · 11/10/2025 22:40

Say Chin Up Son.

Partridgewell · 11/10/2025 22:57

It's so hard when you can't make someone you love feel better. It's something he'll have to work through and he will be ok. I had things I totally hated about my body as a teen. I even started a savings account for a nose job. My nose is so unremarkable and I don't even think twice about it now. Obviously, 5'4" is short for a man but it's not unheard of and he will meet and know other men of his size. As others have said, he's likely to grow a little bit more. Just listen to him for now. Telling him about all the great stuff he has going for him will not help right now when all he wants is to be taller and look older.

Rituelec · 11/10/2025 23:06

My eldest had a growth spurt between 18 and 21. He'll be fine.

CheeseyOnionPie · 11/10/2025 23:11

He won’t be the only one getting ID’d as they have to look for people being 25+ not just 18. I don’t think 18 year olds realise it of course but they all still look like children!

PrincessC0nsuelaBananaHammock · 11/10/2025 23:28

I know it's a bit different for girls but both my dds at 22 and 19 look about 14. They both take their ID everywhere. They're both tiny, dd1 is 5 foot 2 and dd2 is 4 foot 10. Both me and DH are small, I'm 5' 2 and he's 5' 6. Also looking young can be a bit of a blessing. DH is 51 and is often mistaken for being DSD's brother; DSD is 33. When I met him he was 20 and looked about 15.

CountryQueen · 11/10/2025 23:32

Notmyreality · 11/10/2025 22:40

Say Chin Up Son.

Don’t be mean

PortSalutPlease · 11/10/2025 23:33

My brother was 5’5 until he was 19 then grew 8 inches in a year so it doesn’t mean he’s not going to get any taller.

Daniel Radcliffe and Bruno Mars are both only 5’4 and they’ve done pretty well for themselves….

Cinaferna · 11/10/2025 23:33

DS was like this. He's short but also very angelic looking. He used to get upset but quickly learned to find it funny that he got I'D everywhere. Make sure he has good ID on him- passport and driving licence and tell him it's no big deal to have it checked.

And if he's confident, he'll be fine with women. DS is. Loads of women only date men over 6 foot, but he realised he doesn't want to date most women anyway. Just ones he likes and who find him attractive. They exist.

Thingyfanding1 · 11/10/2025 23:42

Tell him that the main thing is to make sure he brings his ID, accept that he will be asked as anyone that looks under 25 will be and it’s not to do with height - the main thing is to not to get too drunk, as that will be more of an issue. Big groups of drunk lads are more of a problem and likely to be turned away. If they are well behaved and relatively sober, they will be fine.

I appreciate that it goes much deeper than this but if you just give him practical advice, he’ll probably be grateful for that.

Walkden · 11/10/2025 23:43

"I'd explain that the idea of women preferring tall men comes from men's insecurity"

For god's sake don't lie to him about this ; it will make him doubt anything else you say. Women "preferring" taller men is common in online dating and evidenced by Data from online data providers.

He may still grow taller but it can be an issue for men but that doesn't mean he can't be successful or popular but is something he will have to get used to.

Not sure it will help to compare him with other short men like Daniel Radcliffe or Danny Devito either.

Bigearringsbigsmile · 11/10/2025 23:45

Movingon2024 · 11/10/2025 21:23

He’s 5 ft 4 atm.
he looks so young though. 16 really.
his dad was a late bloomer so assume DS will be too.

I just need something to say to make him feel bEtter really,

I would be asking for a referral to an endocrinologist for investigations. He could be low on growth hormone or something.

CountryQueen · 12/10/2025 01:05

Bigearringsbigsmile · 11/10/2025 23:45

I would be asking for a referral to an endocrinologist for investigations. He could be low on growth hormone or something.

Show quote history

Now I know what peak mn means 🤣

mummymissessunshine · 12/10/2025 01:14

all you can do is be factual and supportive with practical advice. And yes ask the GP for support.

Fwiw One of my siblings was like this. His upset was made worse because his 2 older brothers had an earlier puberty and had both hit 6 foot during 6th form.
whereas he was still short and young by the time he did his A levels.

In fact he did all his growing after school.
Parents are 5 foot and 5’8.
he eventually grew to 6’3!!!

KnitFastDieWarm · 12/10/2025 01:15

Ok, so your son probably won’t want to hear this from a thirtysomething mother, but my partner is 5’7 on a good day in the right shoes 🤣 and he is the sexiest damn human I’ve ever imagined, let alone met. Furthermore, in my (ahem) extensive experience, all my best sex - by some margin - has been with men under about 5’8. I like to think it’s because the testosterone is more concentrated 😄

ErrolTheDragon · 12/10/2025 01:19

PrincessC0nsuelaBananaHammock · 11/10/2025 23:28

I know it's a bit different for girls but both my dds at 22 and 19 look about 14. They both take their ID everywhere. They're both tiny, dd1 is 5 foot 2 and dd2 is 4 foot 10. Both me and DH are small, I'm 5' 2 and he's 5' 6. Also looking young can be a bit of a blessing. DH is 51 and is often mistaken for being DSD's brother; DSD is 33. When I met him he was 20 and looked about 15.

My dd is 26 and still needs to carry her ID most places. (Except when she’s in the town she lives in as it’s a very uni town so the bar staff have a more accurate idea of just how young 18yos can look.)

ChickpeaCauliflowerSalad · 12/10/2025 01:20

HerculesMulligannn · 11/10/2025 21:45

I don’t know if this might help yr DS. My DS is 23 and works in a pub. Their staff guidelines are very strict about ID’ing people (using Think25) and DS says if anyone looks younger than him or only a bit older he will always id them - he has to if he thinks they are not older than 25. So I would deffo frame the id’ing as an issue at the pub’s end, and no comment at all on yr son. DS says they are not looking at whether someone is 16 vs 18, more are they likely 25. So obvs yr DS is going to be id’ed a bit over the next few years. Also once the pub staff have seen the id, no one gives it a second thought, their backsides are covered

@Movingon2024

^ THIS

Pinkflowersspring · 12/10/2025 06:34

timestressed · 11/10/2025 22:38

Young men grow until they are 25, obviously not guaranteed he will. My son grew few more centimeters at Uni.

Every man in my family (and my DP) finished growing by 18 but none of them are short. Their friends also stopped growing around the same age. I don’t remember any men having growth spurts at uni either. Your son was probably more unusual.