Would you monitor a fall alarm for a neighbour?

[poshcrisps]

I have an elderly, very vulnerable neighbour who is just about to get out of hospital. He has no family. He has fallen several times.

I've just had a phone call from the hospital asking if I could be the response person for his alarm going off (I'm not sure how this works in practice).

I said yes but now I'm wondering if I've been too hasty.

What would you do?

No, I have small children and I couldn't leave them alone to check on a neighbour and I certainly wouldn't be waking them at night to take them round to check, or being late for the school run because the alarm went off. My responsibility is to them foremost.

No I wouldn't. I wouldn't mind the odd time in an emergency, but as others have said, you get roped in. My friend used to help the old man who lived opposite to her now and then, doing a bit of shopping for him, things like that. His son rang her and asked her to be a proper carer for the man, for free!!

Also, those saying 'it could be me', unfortunately even if you helped 10 old people in your street, it doesn't follow that someone in your street would then help you if the time came.

Yes, I’d do it. You only need to wait with him until the response team gets there. My dad has Lifeline and the response team are there usually within 20 minutes. They help him get back up or, on one occasion when he’d hurt himself, they rang an ambulance. By agreeing to this, you’re really just committing to sitting with him till the team gets there.

If he doesn’t have anyone else and you’re able, I’d do it.

I had a relative with one of these. Most calls were where she had accidentally leaned on the button or pressed it when fidgeting. If she wasn’t in earshot of the box (which was often) we’d get called to go round. If she was in earshot of the box she’d say she was fine (even when not) so we’d still have to go round. This means dropping what you are doing or getting up in the night to respond immediately.

If it is a fall, they may have called an ambulance or you need to call one yourself (which you then have to wait for) - Ambulance response times vary from 20 mins to hours (one was 19 hours) and you can’t move them until the paramedics arrive.

It is a lovely gesture, but a huge, huge responsibility and you do become the default carer for someone who is going to deteriorate meaning you then take on more responsibility. If the person has no family to take on this role, they need to be in assisted living or a care home. You can always visit, but the burden of care doesn't then consume your own life.

Yes, of course. I was the first contact for an elderly neighbour several years ago as she had no family nearby.

One or two calls were at night time, but I was so glad to be there for her when she needed help.

I’m a ‘I would maybe do it because it could be me one day’ person. I can’t speak for anyone else but I just mean I possibly have a bit more empathy for someone in this situation than someone who has family. I know it has no direct correlation as to whether anyone will help me when the time comes around.

Why is no-one understanding? If the OP says no, then OH will either not let the man go home, or will have to set up a proper care package for him.

If the OP says yes, then it's all on her!

You will get called if it goes off and they cannot speak to the wearer.
If you do not answer or not in area they will send ambuulance and break down door.
If you answer they might ask you to check on neighbour eg with spare key or using lock box.
Confirm if they alive and OK or need ambulance.
Could save unnecessary ambulance fallouts and broken down doors.
Up to you.
Woukd you like to help or prefer to be unaware if neighbour is lying on floor while you at home with cup of tea?
If you don't answer or away it is fine they will try next person or call ambulance and break in

And what if the OP does go round, calls the ambulance, and it takes hours to arrive? (Very often the case.)

And if there's a lock box, then surely the ambulance people can use that, no need to "break down doors" 🙄

Ask what the implications are if you say no. It might open doors for more support.

Exactly. I'm telling you this, OP - the minute you give the NHS an inch, they will take effing miles. Do not let them guilt you into doing this just to avoid giving this man a proper care package!

He should be discharged to Community Care, at the very least. The Care Package should be set up before he leaves hospital.

It's almost like some people on this thread don't know what they're talking about, and have absolutely no experience of the realities of a situation like this...

Best scenario is carers are coming in so neighbour is only responsible for limited time.
But op is entirely within right to say no sorry cannot do.

I think you have to say no, OP. The fact the OT "didn't know" what would happen if you were away is really a concern and like @verybighouseinthecountry you could find yourself in "no good deeds go unpunished" territory here. It's difficult enough making a decision for one's own parents who might argue with your choices for them or approach- I'm guessing this is a relative stranger? What if something happens but he thought he 'was fine' for example? You don't call the ambulance and something happens - then what?

No. Absolutely not.

There are monitored systems that can be put in place where the correct people are called. They aren’t expensive and there may also be some form of NHS or community funding for this

The slight issue with an automatic falls pendant that activates itself in the event of a fall is they also are not an exact science and sometimes don’t work so I am presuming they may supply one with a call button on it. In which case, will they then press this at any time they require some form of assistance? Can’t get up off sofa for example? Dropped something and can’t pick it up?

You are not a carer, I am also presuming you are not a care professional.

Having worked in and around the care industry for years, I am well aware that many elderly residents I have come across have pushed an emergency call button for a cup of tea on many an occasion

Wow some really heartless and selfish responses here. I work with the elderly community falls prevention. Do you know how many elderly patients will stay on the floor for days on end, getting pressure sores? Pneumonia etc just because they feel getting a pendant alam or even pushing it for help makes them a burden on people, they could literally die from being left on the floor that long.

And you lot commenting no are exactly the problem with society these days, it makes me sick, cos you are first lot of self centred people who complain about the nhs cos why should they bother you!

Would you feel happy they die cos their arsehole neighbour didn’t want to be disturbed to help? You don’t have to actually go round there you know? You could just be at home and give a key to the ambulance crew! Or you could say you’re not home to help!

fucking disgusting some of your responses, we all get old and frail (hopefully) and completely disgusting some of your entitled reactions to helping someone In need

You don’t have to actually go round there you know? You could just be at home and give a key to the ambulance crew! Or you could say you’re not home to help!

So the OP is not actually needed? An alarm and a key box is all that's required.

in some cases the OP isn’t needed, it depends on if a keysafe is there first of all.

if the patient presses the alarm or if they have a watch pendant they try to talk to them through the alarm system. If no response there’s then a list of people to call, obviously nok but if no nok and a nominated neighbour who has a key they will call to check the pt ok etc.

yes a neighbour can refuse and the pt just agree to a ketsafe but this could significantly delay help and result in worse case scenario cpr not being administered and death.

so if your life is that busy you can’t agree to even being a life line for a neighbour yes I think you are an arsehole, as we should all be willing to help a neighbour or friend when we can. I can bet that half the people on this thread are under 65 which explains a lot!

as I said we all get old and given the responses in this thread I dread to think of the support the elderly these days are getting through society!

Would people react the same way if they were being asked to help a baby or a child? My guess is no!

I'm puzzled by your aggressive stance. The OP's neighbour could have a fall alarm, which alerts a service, which calls him, gets no reply, then calls an ambulance, who use the key safe to enter his home.

Why all the insults?

Personally it’s the same for me regardless of age, I’d offer adhoc help when I could, but I am not comfortable or willing to be the default person in a situation where I could be needed at all sorts of random hours or days, regardless of the age

The OP is also being expected to enter her neighbour's home to see if he's dead or not. I've been in that situation many times, it's not fun.

No, I wouldn't. It's too much responsibility and I have enough of that in my own life already.

I recently helped a neighbour who fell in the street and the paramedics wanted to put me as his next of kin in hospital. Even though I knew he had a daughter, but he couldn't remember her name or number to call her. Madness.

No, don't! I am in a similar situation and am happy to help my neighbour but not to be there for a response. I have asked for her carers to be the response folk. That works well.

i’m not being aggressive I’m explaining how these systems work.

the patient falls, they might push the alarm or if they have dementia they might not. If you are lucky they push the alarm it could still take hours for an ambulance to arrive.

if that was your parent/ loved one and you lived far away would you not be happy a neighbour could come to help them even if it’s was just to hind their hand waiting for the ambulance? And even in worse case scenario they die?

I asked the question would it be different if it was a child cos in 99% of cases yes people would be happy to help and that’s the problem when it comes to our aging society they are seen as a burden and ‘oh don’t agree to that cos you’ll get involved in all sorts of care’ and that opinion is wrong!

very wrong and you can still express that you can’t help any more than the alarm system! Wtf is wrong with you people? It’s basic human empathy!

A couple of years back my widowed NDN was diagnosed with dementia. Physically she was quite fit but her nearest relative (daughter lives 200 miles away. Daughter rang every day to check on mum but was concerned that she did not always pick up. A neighbour on the other side (4) agreed to be a key holder and to supply her phone number so she could enter and check if mum was not answering. Neighbour 4 tried to dragoon me (I live in 2) into being an alternative phone/keyholder as she had a "big important job"and often away. I refused as Im in my 80s, disabled with arthritis and would not be able to lift a person who had fallen. I dont give my mobile number to anyone but close friends/family and business contacts. Nor do I carry it around with me. I have never got on with NDN and would not feel comfortable entering her house alone in case I was accused of something.

Neighbour 4 tried to guilt me and even left a note on my gate with her number to "think it over". My nephew was extremely angry, ripped up the note and put it back through her door. Since then neighbour 3 has been taken to live with her daughter 200 miles away and the house stands empty. They belong to a culture where multi generational living is common.

I dont feel in the least guilty or selfish refusing. This is not an obligation to be entered into lightly especially if you yourself are elderly or disabled or have significant responsibilities already You have to carefully consider what may be involved (being called late at night/having to enter the house/lift the person/wait for an ambulance etc) and what you yourself are able or willing to do.