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Original poster

Would you monitor a fall alarm for a neighbour?

199 replies

poshcrisps · 09/10/2025 15:15

I have an elderly, very vulnerable neighbour who is just about to get out of hospital. He has no family. He has fallen several times.

I've just had a phone call from the hospital asking if I could be the response person for his alarm going off (I'm not sure how this works in practice).

I said yes but now I'm wondering if I've been too hasty.

What would you do?

OP posts:
tinyspiny · 09/10/2025 16:32

I would for my current elderly neighbours because they are lovely and we are friends but if it was someone I occasionally said hello to absolutely no way would I do it . What are they suggesting you do if teh alarm goes off @poshcrisps ?

tiresomee · 09/10/2025 16:38

No I wouldn’t and i’ve worked in domiciliary care. Once SS think there is someone else for this man to rely on, you will be expected to do more and more.

BlueberryLatte · 09/10/2025 16:39

Yes of course. For any of my neighbours (except that one)

IwouldlikeanewTV · 09/10/2025 16:40

If I knew the neighbour then yes of course. I would want to speak to their family though so see what is happening long term. With an ageing population, family not always around we should be kind at help. It might be my turn one day to need the neighbour.

Strangesally20 · 09/10/2025 16:46

I would yes. Presumably the other alternative is an elderly gentleman lying on the floor with no way to communicate to anyone for god knows how long. I’m a nurse and have seen many elderly patients after a long lie on the floor, it’s very hard to recover from that if they do. Obviously if you give it a go and it’s going off a lot as he has lots of falls then that would signify he isn’t coping at home and social work would need to get involved to support him but yes in the first instance I would help. Hopefully it’s just precautionary and you won’t need to do much but I imagine if you didn’t and he lay on the floor for days (yes it happens) you would feel awful.

GettingFestiveNow · 09/10/2025 16:51

Tricky one. Obviously you wouldn't want him stuck with no help. But from my pov, I work ft in a school so no flexibility with annual leave etc, have a 5 yo and dh often works away. So realistically I couldn't do it, most of the time.

ohtowinthelottery · 09/10/2025 16:52

My DMs next door neighbour was, for which we were eternally grateful as we lived 70 miles away.
MIL has a neighbour down the road on hers in addition to BIL, just so there's 2 people available.
As far as I know, the vulnerable person is required to have a key safe and the alarm company will have the code. In the event that the emergency key holder(s) can't be contacted, an ambulance will be called and they will be given the code for the keysafe to gain access. So there is no requirement to be available at all times - it's just an interim step to save calling an ambulance for every emergency.

Musicaltheatremum · 09/10/2025 16:53

I wouldn't. My dad has one. It goes through to a central site and a company is called to come and help him. I'm 2.5 hours away. My FIL had one that they called my husband to check the cameras to see if it were a false alarm. Nobody lifts anyone these days they have incredible equipment that stands the person up so if they fall you need someone with the equipment to come in and lift them

Navigatinglife100 · 09/10/2025 16:53

I would if she genuinely has no other family and this will allow her to stay home and independent. It may never be needed.

However, if its forever going off, or becomes too burdensome you must say.

And if you are often out at work or go on regular holidays, they may have asked you, but a better option might be a central call.centre manned 24/7 who can call the services out immediately once theyve spoken to her. Assuming you can help if you possibly cant might not be the better option.

My Dad had a nurse who lived next door to him and he was under strict instructions to pull his kitchen blinds up in the morning and down at night or she wouod be around to check on him! He once had a fall and nosebleed and I knew as he got up and could call me but I was 3 hours away. She called an ambulance and stayed with him until it came. I met him in A and E.

It really made a huge difference to us all. After this Dad came to live with us. Hes moving into a care home tomorrow and all these things have postoponed this day for him. Hes had another 3.5 years not in a home.

Delphiniumandlupins · 09/10/2025 16:53

I assume you would be a listed contact if the alarm is activated? I would want to know if I was the only contact or one of several. Also, what the procedure is if the alarm company can't reach me or I am unable to attend timeously. I would like to help if I could.

Musicaltheatremum · 09/10/2025 16:55

Strangesally20 · 09/10/2025 16:46

I would yes. Presumably the other alternative is an elderly gentleman lying on the floor with no way to communicate to anyone for god knows how long. I’m a nurse and have seen many elderly patients after a long lie on the floor, it’s very hard to recover from that if they do. Obviously if you give it a go and it’s going off a lot as he has lots of falls then that would signify he isn’t coping at home and social work would need to get involved to support him but yes in the first instance I would help. Hopefully it’s just precautionary and you won’t need to do much but I imagine if you didn’t and he lay on the floor for days (yes it happens) you would feel awful.

But the falls alarm alerts a central base who call the neighbour so it has to go through them anyway. I can understand someone coming in to sit with them while they wait for the falls people but if they have an alarm someone is alerted so they wouldn't be on the floor for days

ciderwithjosie · 09/10/2025 16:56

No because they call you in the middle of the night and expect you to attend.

Pollqueen · 09/10/2025 16:56

Yes and I am for 2 elderly people, one my stepdad and a neighbour. If they press their alarm they communicate through a hub with the call centre who then contact you. It is a pretty big commitment because you are then responsible for then going round and/or calling emergency services if needed

Isobel201 · 09/10/2025 17:03

Surely he should be going in a care home if he sounds that vulnerable? What happens if you're ill or want to book a holiday?

Sez1990 · 09/10/2025 17:04

It makes me feel bad to say but no I wouldn’t do this. You have already done it for your mum so you know what it entails to be the helper for someone elderly, and I think you will get asked to do more and more. If you’re friends and already help out then you could make it clear you’re away a lot and have other commitments so can’t always answer the phone. If you’re not friends/close then it’s quite a big responsibility to take on

Pollqueen · 09/10/2025 17:08

Isobel201 · 09/10/2025 17:03

Surely he should be going in a care home if he sounds that vulnerable? What happens if you're ill or want to book a holiday?

Not necessarily. If the person responsible was away, the call centre would call an ambulance or respond as necessary. To clarify, when a person with an alarm presses it, the call goes through to a call centre who then phones the delegated relative/neighbour/friend who then takes over

IsEveryoneJustBotsNow · 09/10/2025 17:10

ichifanny · 09/10/2025 15:20

No you will end up way more involved and becoming default carer

This is exactly what has happened to the people I know who’ve agreed to this. It ended up six years of it for my mum, what she thought was an occasional 999 call ended up being much much more, she had to wait for the ambulance, usually abojt five hours, but this was ten years ago, some of my neighbours have been waiting 9 hours these days, his family would message almost every day asking her to pop in and just check he’s ok as he hadn’t answered their calls, she ended up doing errands, housework and admin for him and don’t feel able to say no to him or his family. As he got older and became more ill, the time demanded of her increased. She could never relax after work because she was always on edge waiting for a call. When she left her job (due to her own sickness) the demands on her time increased and she found it hard to say no because they knew she was “just at home”

It’s a very kind thing for someone to do but I can see why someone would say no. It doesn’t make them an arse.

TheDenimPoet · 09/10/2025 17:14

I wouldn't, because there are a lot of times I'm just not home, I do hobbies in the evenings, so I wouldn't be there. Plus, you'd be then expected to go in and deal with whatever situation has arisen, which could include waiting with him for an ambulance. I have an elderly relative who recently had to wait for 6 hours for an ambulance, on the floor with a broken hip, so this wouldn't be ideal.

If he wants to live alone, he needs to have care sorted out, and that is either family or a paid carer.

If you want to help him out that's great, but that just seems like too much responsibility, and a box ticking exercise to get him out of hospital. Mow his lawn, pick him up some shopping, do some ironing for him.. but not this!

CrepuscularCritter · 09/10/2025 17:16

I think that you have already made your decision, and I support you in that. My mum and I did this for a friend, spent many nights travelling to him to pick him up, and she had stress fractures in both knees from the effort involved (no offer of hoists then). We similarly did it fot MIL, involving long waits for a crew to help move her or the ambo to take her to hospital. And of course these were people wa cared about deeply. It would be more challenging to offer the same amount of care to someone you barely know when you are not a professional carer.

I am thinking that the hospital is looking for a solution to avoid an unsafe discharge. But proper arrangements should be made. As a PP has pointed out, mission creep can occur and you find yourself the default carer. That's a hard role to find yourself taking on no matter how kind and supportive you are.

verybighouseinthecountry · 09/10/2025 17:17

I did for a lovely lady who lived about a 5 minute drive from me (whom I'd known for 10 years) and did not consider the implications at all. I used to get calls during the night and I'd have to go and try to gain access, pick her up off the floor if needs be, sometimes call an ambulance (they once told me it would be a 10+ hour wait and I'd have to stay with her). I was once on a weekend away with my family and got a call to say she'd pressed the button but they couldn't get any verbal response from her, and that I had to go and check on her. I explained I was several hours away and told them to phone the police, they said they couldn't do that and it was my responsibility. I was really cross but couldn't have that on my conscience so drove back to find her lying on the floor and I couldn't get her up on my own. Had to call an ambulance, wait half a day with her then had to stay in A&E with her for another 12 hours as she was confused due to dehydration and she couldn't communicate properly.
Social services wouldn't give her any help because I was "looking after her" and she went really downhill and should have been in a nursing home but again SS and her own GP didn't care because she was eating (I had to do all her shopping and then cleaning). She was finally hospitalised after a fall and she had an assessment and was put in a nursing home, where she told everyone I was stealing from her!

MrsLizzieDarcy · 09/10/2025 17:18

If he's vulnerable and not safe at home, he needs to be in a care home. Don't enable social services to wash their hands of him because you really will end up his default carer. We live in a small village where most people know each other and I used to help out an elderly neighbour with dog walks etc, getting shopping but it got to be more and more. When she had cataract surgery, I was visiting 4 times a day to put eye drops in for her. On top of a job, home, kids and dog, it was simply too much and I read her son the riot act when he turned up on a Sunday to do his duty visit for 30 minutes! I had my number removed from her carelink line, and also from the GP surgery.

oncemoreuntothebeachdearfriends · 09/10/2025 17:26

No. It's a huge burden.

My Father had an alarm widget worn around the neck.

When pressed, it alerted the call centre who alerted the ambulance.
He had a key cabinet on the outside wall, the code was known to all carers etc.
That's the best way to do it.

Hellohelga · 09/10/2025 17:53

I do this for my neighbour. When she fell we had to wait hours with her for the paramedics to arrive. However I’d rather this than her be alone and scared. I’ve known her over 20 years.

CandidLurker · 09/10/2025 18:01

My uncle’s wandering have already caused some issues for his neighbours many of who are elderly themselves. I think of course you would help a neighbour in trouble but being formally part of someone’s support structure is too much of an ask for most neighbours I think. And as someone else has said if you show any sign of being prepared to support someone in the community social services will immediately build you into the care plan.

Original poster
poshcrisps · 09/10/2025 18:05

verybighouseinthecountry · 09/10/2025 17:17

I did for a lovely lady who lived about a 5 minute drive from me (whom I'd known for 10 years) and did not consider the implications at all. I used to get calls during the night and I'd have to go and try to gain access, pick her up off the floor if needs be, sometimes call an ambulance (they once told me it would be a 10+ hour wait and I'd have to stay with her). I was once on a weekend away with my family and got a call to say she'd pressed the button but they couldn't get any verbal response from her, and that I had to go and check on her. I explained I was several hours away and told them to phone the police, they said they couldn't do that and it was my responsibility. I was really cross but couldn't have that on my conscience so drove back to find her lying on the floor and I couldn't get her up on my own. Had to call an ambulance, wait half a day with her then had to stay in A&E with her for another 12 hours as she was confused due to dehydration and she couldn't communicate properly.
Social services wouldn't give her any help because I was "looking after her" and she went really downhill and should have been in a nursing home but again SS and her own GP didn't care because she was eating (I had to do all her shopping and then cleaning). She was finally hospitalised after a fall and she had an assessment and was put in a nursing home, where she told everyone I was stealing from her!

I think this shows why I need to toughen up. I can't take on this responsibility. Thanks for telling me.

OP posts: