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Original poster

Can you be a good parent and do drugs?

137 replies

Bruminbrum · 03/10/2025 21:52

Hypothetical a point for just discussion as DH and I were talking about it tonight.

Im steering toward no, I think you can try but the act sort of precludes it, especially if it’s class A and habitual use

but what about weed?

in the home, well there’s risk if might not be able to respond as fast as you could to an emergency. But what if there was another sober adults that could respond? But then would the drugs still be in the house?
what about if you left the house and the child was in the care of safe and sober adults and you smoked weed out and about and only returned home when sober? strikes me as that’s a ‘safe’ way or maybe the safest way.

genuine point of discussion, purely hypothetical so no judgement and open to other opinions And to be convinced otherwise.

(im also someone that doesn’t drink or smoke if that is of any relevanc)

OP posts:
mumofoneAloneandwell · 03/10/2025 21:57

Oo interesting thread

I think that there are probably a lot of normal middle class parents who smoke weed at the weekend or maybe use coke

I think it depends on how discreet you are tbh

If your home smells of weed for example, I would think thats a bad thing - its probably from bias I guess, but i wouln't let my dd be around someone who openly smokes marijuana 🤷‍♀️

I drink wine sometimes but dont use drugs or cigarettes or vapes. I would only have a glass with dinner in front of my dd and wouldnt drink whilst looking after someone else's kids

Trallers · 03/10/2025 22:01

There's obviously parents that do a dire job by virtue of being prolific drug users, vs ones that do well while using a small amount of weed.

I'd say though, you could always do better and be safer by not using and that's the bottom line for me. It doesn't bring anything positive to being a parent. So yes, you can be a good parent despite some mild drug taking, but why do it when you'd be an even better parent without it.

EducatingArti · 03/10/2025 22:06

Well, I'm wondering why you were doing drugs. It would hint to me that you were trying to soothe some kind of emotional issue/need and I would be wondering about how that needs and the way you were choosing to soothe it affects your interactions with your child.
I would suggest spending money that you would have spent on drugs on therapy to help you address the issue in a different way.
Children need their parents to be emotionally present for them as well as physically present. I'd question how well you would be able to do that if you were regularly getting stoned for example.

Gowlett · 03/10/2025 22:06

I think weed is one of the worst, insidious drugs out there.
It’s banned in my house. Only dopes smoke dope, IMO…

Decisionsdecisions1 · 03/10/2025 22:07

As your child gets older you’ve really got to think about whether it’s appropriate to keep drugs in the home, use them in the home when your child is there or be high around your child.

Doing drugs when you’re, say, away for the weekend occasionally is very different to having them at home or returning home to your child off your face.

WhamBamThankU · 03/10/2025 22:09

Gowlett · 03/10/2025 22:06

I think weed is one of the worst, insidious drugs out there.
It’s banned in my house. Only dopes smoke dope, IMO…

Sorry but this tickled me. Only dopes smoke dope 🤣

Algen · 03/10/2025 22:10

No, I don’t think you can.

Part of being a parent is setting a good example to your children. Knowingly doing something illegal isn’t setting a good example, even ignoring the damage done by the drugs chain.

Also, how can you tell your teenager to even consider staying away from drugs if their parents are regularly off their faces?

ZebraPyjamas · 03/10/2025 22:10

Not sure if weed is much different to alcohol really with regard to how it impacts “parenting” abilities. But as a society we’ve normalised regular drinking in the home while demonising weed. Not defending either, just interesting how we’ve done that.

I would probably say while under the influence of any mood altering substance you’d have to question the impact on your parenting ability.

Original poster
Bruminbrum · 03/10/2025 22:10

Decisionsdecisions1 · 03/10/2025 22:07

As your child gets older you’ve really got to think about whether it’s appropriate to keep drugs in the home, use them in the home when your child is there or be high around your child.

Doing drugs when you’re, say, away for the weekend occasionally is very different to having them at home or returning home to your child off your face.

I even think at the weekend totally away from your kid is still pretty bad and risky…

OP posts:
Decisionsdecisions1 · 03/10/2025 22:11

Gowlett · 03/10/2025 22:06

I think weed is one of the worst, insidious drugs out there.
It’s banned in my house. Only dopes smoke dope, IMO…

Of course you can ban it in your house. But it’s naive to think teens won’t experiment elsewhere.
Taking a zero tolerance approach can just mean they lie and hide it better and as a consequence, are less safe.

Teens will do things that we hate, that we wish they didn’t do. All you can do as a parent is try to keep open communication, foster trust and hope that they’ll come to you if they’re worried, scared, hurt etc.

Other than locking them in a shed you can’t really stop them.

Original poster
Bruminbrum · 03/10/2025 22:13

ZebraPyjamas · 03/10/2025 22:10

Not sure if weed is much different to alcohol really with regard to how it impacts “parenting” abilities. But as a society we’ve normalised regular drinking in the home while demonising weed. Not defending either, just interesting how we’ve done that.

I would probably say while under the influence of any mood altering substance you’d have to question the impact on your parenting ability.

Agree totally!

the legality angle in the UK is an interesting one, I’d imagine you’d be more likely to catch the eye of social services though if it came out (whatever way) that you smoked weed regularly rather than got tipsy regularly even if the child was unaffected

OP posts:
InSpainTheRain · 03/10/2025 22:13

No.

Millie90 · 03/10/2025 22:15

No. 😨🤦. Clearly no!

Original poster
Bruminbrum · 03/10/2025 22:16

Decisionsdecisions1 · 03/10/2025 22:11

Of course you can ban it in your house. But it’s naive to think teens won’t experiment elsewhere.
Taking a zero tolerance approach can just mean they lie and hide it better and as a consequence, are less safe.

Teens will do things that we hate, that we wish they didn’t do. All you can do as a parent is try to keep open communication, foster trust and hope that they’ll come to you if they’re worried, scared, hurt etc.

Other than locking them in a shed you can’t really stop them.

Show quote history

But then how far do you take that? Underage sex? Class As?

OP posts:
Notdanishsusan · 03/10/2025 22:16

Yeah. Once in a blue moon when you haven’t got your kids doesn’t make you a bad parent if you do the other stuff well during the other 364 days.

Wishing14 · 03/10/2025 22:16

Can you be a good parent and drink alcohol?

Beachtastic · 03/10/2025 22:17

I'd rather have a parent doing MDMA than getting pissed.

Namechangedasouting987 · 03/10/2025 22:18

No
Drug taking in this country is illegal.
Buying and using any illegal drugs supports the drug trade. Which is organised crime involving children, human trafficking, gun crime etc etc.
So no, anyone who thinks smoking weed is no different to drinking wine is living in cloud cookoo land. There is a world of difference.

Original poster
Bruminbrum · 03/10/2025 22:20

Wishing14 · 03/10/2025 22:16

Can you be a good parent and drink alcohol?

Well there is no safe amount of alcohol now according to research.

i don’t think you can be drunk and look after your kids no. If you need a drink everyday and haven’t looked into why then that’s a red flag too imo.

but you can if you’re having the odd drink here and there and aren’t intoxicated in front of/ while you’re looking after your kids

OP posts:
Original poster
Bruminbrum · 03/10/2025 22:21

Beachtastic · 03/10/2025 22:17

I'd rather have a parent doing MDMA than getting pissed.

Why?

OP posts:
Original poster
Bruminbrum · 03/10/2025 22:21

Namechangedasouting987 · 03/10/2025 22:18

No
Drug taking in this country is illegal.
Buying and using any illegal drugs supports the drug trade. Which is organised crime involving children, human trafficking, gun crime etc etc.
So no, anyone who thinks smoking weed is no different to drinking wine is living in cloud cookoo land. There is a world of difference.

In total agreement

OP posts:
notacooldad · 03/10/2025 22:22

Can you be a good parent and do drugs?
Well according to the IRO at a CP meeting that attended last month, you can be as long as it is safely done and the parents have risk assessed the situation and they have a safety plan in place. NB I'm not talking about a bit of weed now and then!

Themedat · 03/10/2025 22:22

My DP is sitting next to me with a spliff right now. He has one small spliff every Friday night. He’s a great parent.

Themedat · 03/10/2025 22:22

My DP is sitting next to me with a spliff right now. He has one small spliff every Friday night. He’s a great parent.

Namechangedasouting987 · 03/10/2025 22:24

Who supports organised crime.

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