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Original poster

Can you be a good parent and do drugs?

137 replies

Bruminbrum · 03/10/2025 21:52

Hypothetical a point for just discussion as DH and I were talking about it tonight.

Im steering toward no, I think you can try but the act sort of precludes it, especially if it’s class A and habitual use

but what about weed?

in the home, well there’s risk if might not be able to respond as fast as you could to an emergency. But what if there was another sober adults that could respond? But then would the drugs still be in the house?
what about if you left the house and the child was in the care of safe and sober adults and you smoked weed out and about and only returned home when sober? strikes me as that’s a ‘safe’ way or maybe the safest way.

genuine point of discussion, purely hypothetical so no judgement and open to other opinions And to be convinced otherwise.

(im also someone that doesn’t drink or smoke if that is of any relevanc)

OP posts:
GoodLaudanum · 03/10/2025 23:46

I agree that you could not respond as quickly and clearly in an emergency under the influence.

However, lot's of other things could cause this as well: being stressed/rushed and not noticing something, having a glass of wine, staying up too late and being overtired,being distracted by your phone, by work or or by a conversation with a friend. You could harm your child by leaving the vacuum cord trailing and causing them to fall down the stairs or accidentally slamming their thumb in a car door (I did that once 😬)

People are human. They're not perfect.

Hoolihan · 03/10/2025 23:48

Humans since the beginning of all time have sought to get out of their minds in one way or another. Relatively recently we've attached legal and moral judgements around anything mind altering. I've happily taken recreational drugs for 40 years with no ill effects and I'm happy for my kids to do the same. Drugs are SO FUN. It should all be legalised to prevent the very sad collateral damage.

WoodenBoat80 · 03/10/2025 23:48

I don’t think having an addiction to anything is a place you’d want people to be in while raising children.
Even cigarettes for example…. what are they now, £10 or £15 a pack? When people are addicted then the need for that normally trumps everything else.
My son has a friend (early 20s) who was raised by an alcoholic dad, his mum died when he was 12. He has been so affected by his dad’s alcoholism, it’s really sad.

ChristmaslightsuptilJanuary · 03/10/2025 23:56

ZebraPyjamas · 03/10/2025 22:10

Not sure if weed is much different to alcohol really with regard to how it impacts “parenting” abilities. But as a society we’ve normalised regular drinking in the home while demonising weed. Not defending either, just interesting how we’ve done that.

I would probably say while under the influence of any mood altering substance you’d have to question the impact on your parenting ability.

Agree completely with this

FourIsNewSix · 04/10/2025 00:00

I don't see much difference between people drinking alcohol, smoking nicotine and smoking weed.
All three are unhealthy addictive substances.

If people think drinking alcohol might be compatible with good parenting, than doing the other two and keeping it within similar parameters should be as well.

Chickenonthebathroomfloor · 04/10/2025 00:03

As an aside, if you do drugs of any kind you’re contributing towards the modern slavery and exploitation of children via county lines operations.

If you take drugs and are a parent, maybe consider those people’s children when you’re enjoying your drugs.

notacooldad · 04/10/2025 00:11

I worked with lots of families where one or both parents are cocaine users, one family has a parent who admits openly that she has crack. Its an ongoing issue over many years.

However it has been deemed its not in the children's best interests to have them removed.
All I will say is im not the decision maker!!

Hoolihan · 04/10/2025 00:25

Chickenonthebathroomfloor · 04/10/2025 00:03

As an aside, if you do drugs of any kind you’re contributing towards the modern slavery and exploitation of children via county lines operations.

If you take drugs and are a parent, maybe consider those people’s children when you’re enjoying your drugs.

I mean, I agree, but it's weird how many people care about this but turn a blind eye when it comes to diamond conflicts/sweat shops/tech mining etc etc.

Also homegrown shrooms are guilt free 👌

DelphiniumBlue · 04/10/2025 00:34

I don’t think that that the odd spliff after the DC are in bed necessarily means “ off your face “, more just lightly chilled.
I might add that my DC are now grown up, barely drink and as far as I know, don’t do drugs. I’m not sure that they have as much fun as we did, but they are certainly more sober.

NinePoppadomsAndASaagAloo · 04/10/2025 00:45

I have only read the op, but, as someone brought up by parents who smoked weed all the time and occasionally did speed: no.

I haven’t spoken to either of my parents for over a decade. Not because of their drug use. But because they were bad parents, and the drug use certainly didn’t help.

I was always very low on their list of priorities and drugs were at the top. People think weed is harmless to smoke around kids. It’s not.

Firealarm1414 · 04/10/2025 01:06

Weed is legal where I live and doesn't seem to be seen as such a big deal as it seems to be on here. You can get various products like vapes, edibles and drinks that dont stink and no one would be any the wiser. I think this notion of a stoner sitting there off their face while surrounded by a haze of stinky smoke is a bit outdated these days. Its possible to use these products in moderation and not be completely stoned and out of it, the same as having a couple of drinks and not being incoherently drunk. Not literally in front of kids though obviously.

GoldSnake · 04/10/2025 01:17

You probably can be ..... But realistically it's not the optimal scenario for kids.
You might be able to handle it untill you can't. Even thc can trigger psychosis.

But then I'd say drinking round kids isn't ideal either.

SmashFlight · 04/10/2025 01:19

Depends what type and why.
If they get absolutely munted off man made drugs then probably not unless the kids aren't home at the time, if it's like weed or psilocybin for medicinal purposes then I don't see an issue.

We use a bit of the above for medical reasons and if that makes me a bad parent so be it, what others think makes absolutely no difference to me or what we do. I'd trade medical issues with anyone who wants to judge it and I'll be the self proclaimed perfect parent and they can live with my health issues without taking anything for it because that would be hypocritical.

Meadowfinch · 04/10/2025 01:23

No.

Children learn by copying their parents. Given the damage that even cannabis does to people's mental health, alcohol to their livers or smoking to their lungs, leaving a child that legacy is unforgivable.

weatherkarma · 04/10/2025 06:18

If you can be a good parent and drink alcohol then you can be a good parent and do drugs. A good parent is about so much more than how you spend a proportion (perhaps tiny) of your leisure time. There are a great many people who don’t drink or do drugs who still manage not to be great parents.

weatherkarma · 04/10/2025 06:21

nhsmanagersanonymous · 03/10/2025 22:38

No you can’t. Don’t make excuses for self indulgent parent-first behaviour

I assume if you’re a parent, you don’t drink?

Theunamedcat · 04/10/2025 06:22

weatherkarma · 04/10/2025 06:18

If you can be a good parent and drink alcohol then you can be a good parent and do drugs. A good parent is about so much more than how you spend a proportion (perhaps tiny) of your leisure time. There are a great many people who don’t drink or do drugs who still manage not to be great parents.

I dont think you can be a good parent and drink alcohol either

Garlicpressups · 04/10/2025 06:24

No.

soupyspoon · 04/10/2025 06:33

notacooldad · 03/10/2025 22:22

Can you be a good parent and do drugs?
Well according to the IRO at a CP meeting that attended last month, you can be as long as it is safely done and the parents have risk assessed the situation and they have a safety plan in place. NB I'm not talking about a bit of weed now and then!

For a child in care? Are you the foster carer?

Why is the child on a CP plan if they're in care?

exasperatedflatmate · 04/10/2025 06:36

I’m going to take this further and question how good a person you can be if you take drugs which are illegal. Let me explain. Remove the arguement over whether they should be legalised, and you have the fact that trade in illegal drugs is a mucky, violent business with victims all the way along the supply chain.
it astonishes me that so many ‘right on’ people think it’s ok. Other criminality feeds into the trade too. All with victims attached.
yes, you can argue some drugs ought to be decriminalised. But the fact is that presently they’re not.

nam3change2634 · 04/10/2025 07:01

Read the whole thread and surprised there’s not many of us who are children of drug users. But, what’s normal for you is normal, if you see what I mean.

before I was born my dad did time for dealing, and used all drugs including injecting, my mum also did, but didn’t inject.
when i was little i spent a lot of time with grandparents due to SAHM preferring weed and her mates. My dad worked a lot (legit work).
i remember a lot of parties and pubs, weed is a homely childhood smell for me.they didn’t smoke at home around us, but it was regular as cups of tea when round friends.

as an adult with kids now I see more impact in me and siblings from them being traumatised people who medicated with drugs, cigarettes and alcohol, than the drugs themselves.

my dad was open with us from our mid teens, and actively encouraged me to ask him if I wanted to try anything as he’d make sure it wasn’t shit/I didn’t get ripped off.
as a result I never asked. mortifying that your dad hits up your dodgy mates for speed/coke/weed and In a small town and Everyone knows who he is.

Dad is now 70, has heart issues and smokes a bit of weed now and then, few pints a night. Mum is bit younger and drinks regularly but no drugs AFAIK.
I’m in contact with both, and both see my kids.
they weren’t the best parents at times, but I do believe they did the best they could with what they had to give.

i dabbled with weed as a teen, but nothing else, and only occasionally drink now as an adult. It just hasn’t appealed and my siblings are the same.

Icreatedausernameyippee · 04/10/2025 07:07

Well with class A drugs it's all about the risk to me.
Can you be a good parent while taking the risk of leaving your child without a parent for the sake of a high? We're not testing the purity of the drugs we're buying (some people are).
The act alone is, objectively, bad parenting because of the risk factor.
But do singular acts of bad parenting make you a bad parent?

It's interesting.

Personally, I think having a parent be a drinker is worse than having a parent who smokes weed. But neither is ideal.

notacooldad · 04/10/2025 07:09

*For a child in care? Are you the foster carer? Im not a foster carer. The child lives with her parents

Why is the child on a CP plan if they're in care They have actually been stepped down from Cp to Cin with a package of support around her.

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 04/10/2025 07:11

You can’t be a good parent whilst under the influence of drugs or booze unless you have ensured your children are under the care of a sober adult for the duration.

I'm an excellent mother as I never drink or take drugs 😇

Namechangedasouting987 · 04/10/2025 07:13

exasperatedflatmate · 04/10/2025 06:36

I’m going to take this further and question how good a person you can be if you take drugs which are illegal. Let me explain. Remove the arguement over whether they should be legalised, and you have the fact that trade in illegal drugs is a mucky, violent business with victims all the way along the supply chain.
it astonishes me that so many ‘right on’ people think it’s ok. Other criminality feeds into the trade too. All with victims attached.
yes, you can argue some drugs ought to be decriminalised. But the fact is that presently they’re not.

This was my point exactly.
There are children caught up in county lines living horrendous lives across this country. Think of those children as well as your own.
If someone is taking illegal drugs this business is supported directly. How any right thinking parent can do this is beyond me.
I actually don't drink either. But although I don't think alcohol is great it is legal.
And doesn't have these sorts of supply chains.
This is the tack I took with my DC. I outlined to them all the harm the drugs trade in this country and beyond does. I asked them to think about that before taking drugs.
I also outlined the very real risks smoking weed could do to their mental health. We have a predisposition in our family to psychotic illness and weed is a known trigger. How many of us know the full genetic make up of our kids? And can hand on heart say they wouldn't be at this risk?. I watched my DB develop a psychotic illness at 19 (triggered by something other than drugs). It was horrendous. (He is well now, but on life long drugs).
My DC havent done drugs (all at uni now). There was and is horrendous peer pressure. The amount of class A drugs and weed they came across from about 16 ar parties was awful.
How many of those kids have had parents who didn't bother to explain the downsides forcefully enough.
If we as parents think Its ok then yes their DC are likely to partake. Its harder to resist than not. They need good reasons to be strong against that peer pressure.
So no I don't think people who take illegal drugs can be good parents.