Can you be a good parent and do drugs?

[Bruminbrum]

Hypothetical a point for just discussion as DH and I were talking about it tonight.

Im steering toward no, I think you can try but the act sort of precludes it, especially if it’s class A and habitual use

but what about weed?

in the home, well there’s risk if might not be able to respond as fast as you could to an emergency. But what if there was another sober adults that could respond? But then would the drugs still be in the house?
what about if you left the house and the child was in the care of safe and sober adults and you smoked weed out and about and only returned home when sober? strikes me as that’s a ‘safe’ way or maybe the safest way.

genuine point of discussion, purely hypothetical so no judgement and open to other opinions And to be convinced otherwise.

(im also someone that doesn’t drink or smoke if that is of any relevanc)

I don’t think you can be a good person and use drugs, never mind a good parent.

I think it's grim. If you want a lifestyle like that then please yourself...but you don't have to have kids. It's not compulsory

Can you be a good parent and do drugs?
No.

What about the potential fall out from being stoned or high…eg you have an accident you wouldn’t have had if you weren’t. That’s a risk you need to be prepared to take. There are many risks you don’t take once you are a parent.

Similar to my life. It’s not illegal where I live. My entire life revolves around my child. I’ve been told repeatedly I’m a great mom by social workers and psychologists.

I have a degenerative disease that causes extreme pain. Weed helps me function.

I don’t drink alcohol. I find it odd how there is such a strong drinking culture in the UK but people there seem so smug about marijuana.

That’s quite interesting considering many use it as prescribed by their doctor.

I’ve had family members use it during cancer treatments.

I would say a hard no. Weed does terrible things to your brain - it can cause psychosis, but for everyone it affects your mood and your ability to regulate emotions and make decisions, so even if you are outwardly ‘functioning’ it’s going to be affecting your ability to parent.

Drug dealing also devastates lives. Drugs, and gangs and their grooming of teenagers to sell drugs, are a huge problem where I live and there are regularly teenagers getting stabbed. As a parent, I would never contribute to a market for something that young teens are getting stabbed over.

One of the school dads does smoke weed but he ‘gets it from his friend’ not a ‘drug dealer’… he looked at me quite blankly when I asked him where he supposed his friend got it from. This is a a guy who buys ethical meat and eco sponges and toilet rolls 🙄

I can’t speak for anyone else but I know I would be a bad parent if I took drugs or alcohol, so I avoid it.

( I was on prescription pain killers for a week after a surgery and have also drank too much on a night out previously, so that’s why I know)

Some parents might be able to balance it, but I know I couldn’t.

As someone who ended her marriage to her child’s father who had a nasty coke habit (among other drugs and a sprinkling of cheating) and also works in safeguarding children, I’m going to say no, I don’t think the two go together.

I'm an excellent mother as I never drink or take drugs 😇

There's more to being an excellent mother than not drinking alcohol or drugs. Ive worked with plenty of Muslim families that have been on CP for neglect and they've never had a drop of alcohol or had a bag in their life.

I don't think you can, and I'm equally wary around excess alcohol use. I remember feeling scared when my parents were drunk as a kid, and vividly remember my aunt and uncle getting black out drunk by 4pm on Christmas Day. Their kids were 7 and 9.

Some people do both - reject illegal drugs (easily done) and the dodgy and harm-filled supply routes. And try their darndest to support businesses with firm control over their supply routes. The second is much harder because we all need to buy a new pair of socks or knickers from time to time. But the first is an easy one to dodge

It’s not that interesting. Supply chain.

Depends on where you live. I said it’s legal where I am.

Generally I loathe middle class drug users... repulsive hypocrites who thinks when the lower classes do it, they're scum...but when they do it, they're just progressive and enlightened.

They're like this with booze too...if you're a functioning alcoholic drinking nice wine in your 100k kitchen diner extension, brilliant, what fun you are. If you're drinking cheap cider in your council flat though, you're a feckless loser

I always think it’s about the bigger picture. If you were to get caught with class A drugs you could potentially have a criminal record, lose your job, lose your driving licence, even face time in jail (depending on quantities and circumstances). All of that will be disruptive and damaging to your child’s life. Is that a risk worth taking? I’d be furious is my husband took a risk which might result in him being fired, or facing a court heart hearing all for the sake of a high, because to me the potential consequences are too much and show lack of care for the rest of us who will suffer as a result.

No!

You’re setting a bad example.

Excessive alcohol is also bad but the odd glass of wine is ok.

Feel free to assume it isn’t where I am…

I know what social services view would be and it’s not crack on( pun intended), having sat through more than one child protection case where either drugs or alcohol are involved, it’s not considered appropriate behaviour, would you really be happy with the risk that the kids might find the drugs? The flip side of the argument though is, realistically, how many parents have a drink after the kids go to bed and would, in the eyes of the law be over the limit if they suddenly had to go to a/e with their child in the night. It’s an interesting debate

I always think the argument over not being able to drive your child to a and e because you've had a drink is flawed. What if you don't drive or don't have a car? There are plenty of parents who wouldn't be able to drive their kids to a and e anyway.

I don’t think it’s flawed because the premise is about reacting quickly and appropriately in times of a crisis

given the state of ambulances in this country being a parent and not being able to drive is risky. Don’t get me wrong there’s ways around it, taxi/ friend or family but they add time and a level of unpredictability to the mix

Having though about this more overnight, I don’t thinks it’s so binary.

Sometimes we are bad parents and sometimes we are good. No one is perfect 100% of the time.

Generally I don’t drink (perimenopause put paid to that) but I do have vivid memories of the day after my 40th birthday party being terribly hung over, not getting out of bed until 3pm and me and DH ordering pizza for lunch with us and our kids eating it in my bed in front of a movie whilst I was dying. I was definitely not a good parent that day. Embarrassingly, my kids still bring it up occasionally, years later.

Does that mean I’m not a good parent on the whole? No, I’m generally a good parent.

I think the odd blow out every now and again is no bad thing. It’s when it becomes habitual that it becomes a problem.

We were ravers back in the day. We still have the odd child free blow out weekend. Maybe 4 times a year. We’re gainfully employed professionals. Our teenagers are well balanced, nice normal kids.

i can honestly say of our wider group of friends from back in those days not one has gone on to develop drug issues or spiralled out of control. A few were heavy boozers through their 20s / 30s, less so now we’re hitting 50s. I saw worse behaviour and more damage from the booze than the drugs (in our case weed, ecstasy, mushrooms, less coke but not unknown.)

Don't be sorry!!! Clearly you're a better parent than this person even at half her age

I don’t see the issue with a bit of weed . I don’t see it any different from a few glasses of wine. I don’t smoke it in the house or around my children. I’m in the process of applying for medical cannabis as it’s incredibly helpful for my chronic pain.