Can you be a good parent and do drugs?

[Bruminbrum]

Hypothetical a point for just discussion as DH and I were talking about it tonight.

Im steering toward no, I think you can try but the act sort of precludes it, especially if it’s class A and habitual use

but what about weed?

in the home, well there’s risk if might not be able to respond as fast as you could to an emergency. But what if there was another sober adults that could respond? But then would the drugs still be in the house?
what about if you left the house and the child was in the care of safe and sober adults and you smoked weed out and about and only returned home when sober? strikes me as that’s a ‘safe’ way or maybe the safest way.

genuine point of discussion, purely hypothetical so no judgement and open to other opinions And to be convinced otherwise.

(im also someone that doesn’t drink or smoke if that is of any relevanc)

My friend has a disabled son and she is the best mother I have ever met! She advocates for him 24/7 in terms of his medical care and education to name just a couple of things, deals with his meltdown and violence but never complains, takes him everywhere does so many things with him, the list could go on! I’m really in awe of her. But she smokes a couple of spliffs at night? Big deal!

I actually think it is a big deal, especially if she’s the sole carer for a high needs child. Although I don’t judge her, caring for someone is incredibly difficult and I imagine she’s burnt out. But there’s an underlying reason why she’s smoking that needs to be teased out imo

I'm thinking about the fact it's illegal and if you got caught out with it that could seriously affect your child's stability. So in that respect alone I'm going with no because I think as parents it's our job to provide stability and security first and foremost to meet their most basic needs.

No

Like other PP’s, I think alcohol is far more dangerous than most recreational drugs.

I also worry about my teens with alcohol far more than I do about them taking drugs.

I think the fact that alcohol is both legal and very socially acceptable lulls people into a false sense of security and they can drink way too much, too often. In teens, they can literally drink themselves to death in one evening.

When you look at the stats, drinking causes far more hospitalisations and deaths than any drugs.

So yes, if drinking alcohol is compatible with being a parent, so is recreational drug use.

Hmm I always think what about the long term affects of these drugs. They're mind altering substances. I've known people who have got mental health issues brought on by drugs. Would smoking a joint make you paranoid? Or lazy and struggle to get out of bed the next day.
If you think of stronger drugs like ecstasy /MDNA if you were to go to a party, it takes a month for your dopamine to get back to normal again, so your mood will be lower for some time after that which makes being a good parent harder.
We can't function our best selves with drugs in our system, so I would argue no.
And of course drugs aren't monitored so you're risking taking something that can cause detrimental affects. We could be playing Russian roulette with it because we don't know how our bodies are going to react to certain substances. You hear of things like fentanyl being added which is lethal, and rat poison in coke and we wouldn't even know we're taking it. I wouldn't feel like a good parent if I'm risking them possibly loosing a parent over something I have taken! Extreme but we just don't know.
Oh and just to add what could start off as "fun" and "causal" can creep into addiction.

I think some people can use drugs and be good parents. I'd actually be more concerned about someone who was drinking than someone on drugs. Alcohol leads to a loss of inhibitions much more than some drugs do, it also leads to more violence. I haven't used drugs since way before I had children, I did use them in my teens and I functioned a lot better under the influence of drugs than I did alcohol.
I do think those addicted to drugs tend to be using it to mask serious mental health issues /trauma so those who are on drugs and don't parent well would probably not be doing well without the drugs either.

I know this is the other extreme end but my son has a mate (in care.. If he wasnt then I wouldve reported) who was sexually exploited and sold just so his mum could get her fix. Terribly sad to hear. Another one of his friends had family who smelled strongly of weed. I remember chatting with his parents and it was awful. When my son first told me about the friend I thought it was a rebelling teenager, I wasn't aware that the whole family smelled and lived the same way.

Definitely, yes you can, in my view. But with conditions, of course.

I think quite a few illegal drugs have a less pernicious impact than alcohol.

And yet I know numerous people who drink alcohol and are also good parents. My ex-husband is an excellent parent and still drinks moderately, including when she is with him. (I don't. But even if I did, I don't think it would make me a shit mom).

As it happens I also don't use illegal drugs and don't believe he does either.

But, if I felt the need for anything like that at this point in my life, I think I would choose cannabis over booze.

I wouldn't use either in the presence of my daughter while she is still a minor.

But I don't think people who drink moderately in front of their kids are sinners. Or who smoke a very moderate degree of weed.

Both could be ruinous, of course, taken to excess.

It's all about when, where, why, how much, andthe impact it has on you, in my opinion.

(Of course I know that excessive drug use in a parent, including excessive alcohol use, can ruin children's lives - I don't mean to advocate for it in any way, and I hope that is clear!)

That doesn’t make sense though. You do realise that? Somethings either so bad and damaging that your an awful parent just by virtue of consuming it. Or its not.

As you said it’s the same thing. You cant say it’s ok in one circumstance and not in others.

That just shows your view is not about the drug. What it is about I dont know? Do you know?

And you're sitting outside with him at 10.30pm at night, in October, while he smokes a joint?

Why?

I think it depends. I dabbled a bit in drugs when younger but only when out clubbing etc, or at parties. I was always very cautious, never having too much and even now I don't really drink much and once I've had so many I know when to stop. Haven't done anything drugs wise for absolutely years, probably won't again tbh. But if say, I was at a wedding or a night out child free and got offered something per chance, say a line of coke or a bit of MDMA I would probably say yes!
I would never ever have drugs in the house, or if they wouldn't be out of my system before I was with my children. I don't think this sort of occasional or opportunist buzz seeking would constitute bad parenting.
Bad parenting would be parenting while on a comedown, missing a kids party due to being too hungover, having drugs in the house where it's possible the children could find them, being unable to drive your child somewhere due to drug use etc.
And I'm not saying by any means it's ok to take drugs, but I think context is everything.
I have known complete stoners that are a waste of space, and also very intelligent hard working people that enjoy the odd spliff to unwind. I have also known people to have parties at their house, with loads of drugs, with the kids in bed upstairs.
So drug use on its own, for me isn't being a bad parent. The context in which they are used is everything. I guess how the drugs impact on the parenting rather than the actual use of them itself.

Yes I smoke cigarettes. So yes I sit outside multiple times a day every day of the year. Mind blowing 🤯

It makes perfect sense.

I spent several weeks in May taking regular doses of morphine. From my hospital bed, prescribed by my surgeon.

I don't think that's at all the same as someone rocking up to their dealers house to buy it and then taking it for kicks.

Yes, you can.

I eat the occasional hash cookie. Once in a blue moon.

I drink wine on the regular.

I know which makes me a worse parent.

Well yes sure. It’s not the same. Ones a legitimate use and one not. But were you a good/ bad/ dangerous parent? If so you were regardless of the reason you took it. And that was OPs question.

Well I know which parent i'd rather have.

well I think it makes sense because they aren’t using drugs for funsies it’s for medical use. The drug happens to be the same but the motivation isn’t. One is escape or to calm down and the other is for medical purposes when there is no other alternative. One is prescribed and the other procured. They may have different strengths etc and the intended use is different. It’s not recreational it’s medical, so that’s the nuance for me.

without the clinical justification to my mind there is no justification for weed or any other drug

The solution here isn’t to accept more drug use, it’s to reduce alcohol use, by making it less acceptable.

thats not the basis of my question. The basis of my question is not how you parented on a prescribed medication, that has a clear and defined use and it’s not for the lolz

In short, no.

You specifically asked about weed. Weed is legally available on prescription now. Actual real dried flower weed. Not just CBD, oils, tablets whatever. I mean actual weed you smoke same as you would get illegally.

On a prescription you’re likely smoking every day. You cant say thats ok for parenting but having one recreational spliff every now and then means you arent a good parent. That makes absolutely no sense.

no I said all drugs and then I mentioned weed as it is commonly thought of as a lesser drug

yeah I can because it’s the intent behind the usage too that counts, likewise if someone was talking morphine for pain v abusing prescription meds or taking heroine. The intent counts imo

Ok well I dont agree. But thanks for explaining your thoughts 😊

Yes you can. There is a big difference between having a spliff before bed and being a full blown pothead, just as there’s a big difference between having a glass of wine and being a full blown alcoholic.

Personally, the shittest parents I know are all drinkers.