Page 10 | If you have a child with autism that can be violent..

Colouroutsidethelines · 2025-09-29T19:17:07+00:00

How do you feel when you find out they have attacked school staff? How do you respond? I am a teaching assistant. I was playing in the garden with another staff member and four children who all have an autism or ADHD diagnosis. The child I was playing with in the construction area is in year 4 and very articulate. We were conversing nicely, talking about his favourite cars. He then got up and walked off and before I stood up, he had gone behind me, picked up a large wooden log and cracked me hard over the head with it. It caught me completely off guard and I did cry with the pain as I ran inside to seek first aid. Curious to how you would respond if this was your child.

Original poster

Colouroutsidethelines · 30/09/2025 17:30

Hiretheskip · 30/09/2025 12:19

I think you are looking for empathy from the wrong person OP, the parent was not there to prevent the incident and you have stated that the school cannot/will not do anything to prevent these incidents from happening again. The parent may be have had this conversation before and may be angry about their DC being forced into this situation. I would be upset and sorry if my DC did this but also concerned that this incident happened and want to know what will happen differently in the future to keep everyone safe.

Remember the child has a neurological disability. Whilst your frustrated looking after this DC for 6 hours a day, this is the parents life. They are likely sleep deprived and not in the best head space to always act appropriately. And many ND DC have ND parents too.

I’ve never said I’m frustrated working with this child. I’ve poured my heart and soul into him actually.

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Original poster

Colouroutsidethelines · 30/09/2025 17:32

raven0007 · 30/09/2025 12:21

I understand that, I really do, but you cannot momentarily turn your back on someone who you know cannot control their behaviour and will act on impulse or other things. It is the school who need to highlight the lack of staffing. If this child needs a 1:1 to keep them, their peers and the staff safe then that is what the school should be providing. If they cannot meet the needs they need to act on it.
It’s a safeguarding concern for the school. The Equality Act and the SEN act protect these children from being excluded if measures haven’t been put it place. It sounds like measures have and they weren’t followed no matter how momentarily the slip was.

As a parent, it’s awful to hear your child has done these things. It’s heartbreaking to hear that your precious child has hurt someone. We see the struggles our children go through on a daily basis, and we are at the front line with them. We know our children need specialist support that the majority of mainstream schools cannot provide, a lot of us would jump to have a place in a SEN school where our children could thrive without disrupting everyone else, there aren’t enough places.
Its a lonely place to be a lot of the time, we don’t make mum friends at school, we don’t have play dates, I say we, I can only speak for myself and those who I know are in the same situation. I hate pick up, because I’m waiting for that conversation at the classroom door.

I don’t know why this parent laughed, it’s not funny. Not for anyone involved. Maybe the were shocked or embarrassed.

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There is no plan. No known trigger. I did nothing wrong. All I did was stand up slightly slower than him as I’m a lot older.

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Original poster

Colouroutsidethelines · 30/09/2025 17:38

Dredsen · 30/09/2025 13:57

Obviousky an odd reaction to your injury by the parent. Perhaos they didntnrealise the seriousness as you were stood there with i assume no visible injury?

Dc has hit a teacher/ta before. This was about 9 yearsnago so before this rise in sen and diagnosis.
Our school prinary is rubbish with sen. Despite loads of issues in reception including hitting, biting and scratching they at no point agreed there was sen or other issues. It was all rptreated as bad behaviiur that they thought i coukd somehow prevent at home. We were very strict loads of punishment and it never made any difference as its audhd impulsivity. Taking things away just escalated issues meabing it went on for longer.
She was sent our of class and to other classes.
But we never saw a senco.

Anyway it eventuakky escalated at uks2 with iut of shool clubs.

From the first few weeks of reception i kneew she needed suoervision at break times. But that never happened. The social skills was awfully supported too for all year groups. Her year has over 10% diagnosed asd. Only one severe whi left to a sen school. But none of these kids was referred by the school. Others told no to ehcp if they were even told about them. And yet then several have moved to sen schools from y7.

The process is crazy - parent relying on schools to support the sen diagnosis process but the schools dont havr training to recognise it.

The school also prefer to le t the kids struggle for the 7 years rather than spend money.

imo all suspected asd and adhd kids should be entitled to sen meetings.an d extra conversation with teachers.
there should be a consequence to.the school for ignoring sen and like in op school pretending that ehcp cant be gotten.

when we finally approched gp she was referred easily.

in op situation hard to believe the school are using nursery.etc area for putting at least one violent kid.

Well it’s true. We use Nursery garden as a movement break space while Nirsery are having group time. The unit doesn’t have its own outdoor area, as I’ve mentioned before, it used to be the library.

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Original poster

Colouroutsidethelines · 30/09/2025 17:41

SleeplessInWherever · 30/09/2025 14:29

If the child doesn’t have a diagnosis, that’ll be why there’s no funding and staffing available. He’s not going to get 2:1, or even funded 1:1, without a diagnosis.

The school isn’t technically understaffed, the LA won’t grant them funding for extra staff because they don’t know they’re out of ratio if there’s no diagnosis.

I wouldn’t laugh if our son attacked a teacher. But I’d have some questions about how he was in a position to be able to do that, and who was meant to be supervising him when it happened.

If it was chosen behaviour, school and parents need to have a real look and why he’s choosing that behaviour and do something about it.

What do you mean “who was meant to be supervising?” Have you not read the basic facts of the incident.

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Original poster

Colouroutsidethelines · 30/09/2025 17:47

Cellotapecandlestick · 30/09/2025 15:43

I am so sorry this happened. It is such a difficult job, and extra hard when this happens.

I support schools with behaviour. Right now I am only in SEN schools, and they are lovely places. They have less money than before, but they have skills and support. What we see in the mainstream units is alarming. They are less funded, not supported, and sadly as they do their best with limited resources, the students are developing some very challenging behaviours as they also cope for limited space, attention, and care.

It’s as bad as I’ve seen it in 30 years. I just had a proposal to support a unit rejected because there is no money.

Meanwhile, placements break down eventually and the students are sent to very expensive private, residential schools owned by private equity companies. The LA money pays for these placements, and has no money left to prevent it from happening to the next cohort.

I’ve done this job for 25 years. Something has gone seriously wrong in society is all I can say. It’s horrific and most people have no idea how bad it is.

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Kirbert2 · 30/09/2025 17:53

Colouroutsidethelines · 30/09/2025 17:41

What do you mean “who was meant to be supervising?” Have you not read the basic facts of the incident.

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I think when some people are answering, they are answering it generally based on their child because you asked what they'd do if it was their child.

As a parent, though my child has different extra needs, I would be just as unhappy with the situation you are and would be making a huge fuss to the school and LA because it's unfair on you and the children in question.

Fearfulsaints · 30/09/2025 18:11

Is your head better today?

SleeplessInWherever · 30/09/2025 18:24

Colouroutsidethelines · 30/09/2025 17:47

I’ve done this job for 25 years. Something has gone seriously wrong in society is all I can say. It’s horrific and most people have no idea how bad it is.

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What do you mean something has gone wrong in society?

It isn’t society’s fault that children with additional needs are often in mainstream education.

Uggbootsforever · 30/09/2025 18:25

SleeplessInWherever · 30/09/2025 18:24

What do you mean something has gone wrong in society?

It isn’t society’s fault that children with additional needs are often in mainstream education.

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It wasn’t always like this. Violence in schools has massively increased.

SleeplessInWherever · 30/09/2025 18:28

Colouroutsidethelines · 30/09/2025 17:41

What do you mean “who was meant to be supervising?” Have you not read the basic facts of the incident.

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I was answering what I’d want to know if my child had hurt someone.

For my son to have injured an adult, he would have to have been either triggered or unsupervised, unmanaged somehow.

He actually is on occasion a “violent” child, so could feasibly hurt someone in certain situations. His behaviour plan would need updating etc etc.

I am by no means suggesting that’s your situation, but my son is known to have challenging behaviour so has all those things in place in specialist provision. If he’d hit an adult on the head, something has gone wrong somewhere and I’d be keen to know what it was.

SleeplessInWherever · 30/09/2025 18:29

Uggbootsforever · 30/09/2025 18:25

It wasn’t always like this. Violence in schools has massively increased.

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So has SEN in mainstream schools, there’s a definite link.

Children who cannot manage in mainstream schools are left in them, without adequate funding and support, and then lash out at those around them.

It’s a really unfortunate non-coincidence.

Kirbert2 · 30/09/2025 18:29

Uggbootsforever · 30/09/2025 18:25

It wasn’t always like this. Violence in schools has massively increased.

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More children who can't cope in mainstream are expected to cope in mainstream and this is what happens.

Original poster

Colouroutsidethelines · 30/09/2025 19:33

Fearfulsaints · 30/09/2025 18:11

Is your head better today?

I had an awful night. Headache today. Thank you for asking.

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drspouse · 30/09/2025 19:37

I have to say, I don't see how apologising for the DCs behaviour would help.
The parent wasn't there, she doesn't know what happened, she hasn't been given enough information to prevent it.
Being told (illegally but I didn't know at the time) that we had to keep DS off for the day as he'd injured a TA who needed to rest so couldn't be there for him and "you have to realise how awful this is" like I DON'T KNOW. Like I've never had that happen and like I don't live it every day. Like I caused it.
We discovered later than he had been restrained by 4 adults, and that he had up to 5 different 1:1s per week. Of course he's scared and lashed out!

It was the acting like "it's fine if the parent is injured but you have to keep him away from anyone else" that brought me to the end of my tether. I definitely wouldn't have apologised. Nobody was helping us with his behaviour so how would they expect us to prevent it at school?

Original poster

Colouroutsidethelines · 30/09/2025 19:52

SleeplessInWherever · 30/09/2025 18:24

What do you mean something has gone wrong in society?

It isn’t society’s fault that children with additional needs are often in mainstream education.

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The increase in SEN and violence in schools is off the charts. I can hand on my heart say that we didn’t have these issues 10/15/20 years ago. It’s a very recent phenomena. We need to ask ourselves as a society, what is driving the increase?

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Original poster

Colouroutsidethelines · 30/09/2025 19:54

drspouse · 30/09/2025 19:37

I have to say, I don't see how apologising for the DCs behaviour would help.
The parent wasn't there, she doesn't know what happened, she hasn't been given enough information to prevent it.
Being told (illegally but I didn't know at the time) that we had to keep DS off for the day as he'd injured a TA who needed to rest so couldn't be there for him and "you have to realise how awful this is" like I DON'T KNOW. Like I've never had that happen and like I don't live it every day. Like I caused it.
We discovered later than he had been restrained by 4 adults, and that he had up to 5 different 1:1s per week. Of course he's scared and lashed out!

It was the acting like "it's fine if the parent is injured but you have to keep him away from anyone else" that brought me to the end of my tether. I definitely wouldn't have apologised. Nobody was helping us with his behaviour so how would they expect us to prevent it at school?

You sound lovely

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LondonGalll · 30/09/2025 20:00

I’d feel empathic to the teacher, check she was ok and got the right medial attention plus staff debrief, then I would seek to understand what happened and why, discuss potential strategies and future safeguarding

flawlessflipper · 30/09/2025 20:01

There hasn’t been as large an increase in SEN over the last few years as some people like to claim. For example, the latest SEN statistics from 24/25 show there were 1,766,942 (19.5%) children and young people with SEN. The official government statistics from January 2014 show 1.49 million (17.9%) pupils had SEN. Down from 1.55 million (18.7%) in 2013 or in terms of percentages down from 21.1% in 2010.

drspouse · 30/09/2025 20:03

Colouroutsidethelines · 30/09/2025 19:54

You sound lovely

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How would me apologising help the situation? Did this child's parent cause it?

Original poster

Colouroutsidethelines · 30/09/2025 20:05

flawlessflipper · 30/09/2025 20:01

There hasn’t been as large an increase in SEN over the last few years as some people like to claim. For example, the latest SEN statistics from 24/25 show there were 1,766,942 (19.5%) children and young people with SEN. The official government statistics from January 2014 show 1.49 million (17.9%) pupils had SEN. Down from 1.55 million (18.7%) in 2013 or in terms of percentages down from 21.1% in 2010.

I’m speaking from the experience I have of 25 years in the same school.

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Original poster

Colouroutsidethelines · 30/09/2025 20:07

drspouse · 30/09/2025 20:03

How would me apologising help the situation? Did this child's parent cause it?

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I have never said she should have apologised. I find it mind boggling that one human wouldn’t have compassion or empathy towards another human when hearing they’ve been badly injured and not even ask if there are ok.

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Original poster

Colouroutsidethelines · 30/09/2025 20:07

*they

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flawlessflipper · 30/09/2025 20:13

Colouroutsidethelines · 30/09/2025 20:05

I’m speaking from the experience I have of 25 years in the same school.

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You weren’t just talking about your one school, though.

The SEN system is a mess, but that isn’t because overall there has been an increase in SEN ‘off the charts’, as the official statistics show.

Hiretheskip · 30/09/2025 20:14

Colouroutsidethelines · 30/09/2025 20:05

I’m speaking from the experience I have of 25 years in the same school.

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Your school are not doing enough and are putting childen at risk. Not all schools are like this. You say there aren't plans or EHCPs in place. This is the schools fault. Your experience isn't that of all schools. If four children are on their way to diagnosis, EHCPs should have been in place for these children. My DS had an EHCP years before he got a diagnosis.

Kirbert2 · 30/09/2025 20:16

Colouroutsidethelines · 30/09/2025 19:52

The increase in SEN and violence in schools is off the charts. I can hand on my heart say that we didn’t have these issues 10/15/20 years ago. It’s a very recent phenomena. We need to ask ourselves as a society, what is driving the increase?

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More awareness of SEND
Special schools closing
More inclusion in mainstream schools which is good for children like my son who can cope but bad for those like the child in question who can't

etc