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Original poster

Thoughts on a man who is 35 and is still a virgin?

86 replies

Benny91 · 27/09/2025 07:20

Morning all,

Just wondering about a friend of mine who is still a virgin at 35 and has never had a girlfriend?

How unusual is it? And is it a red flag?

OP posts:
DonaldBiden · 27/09/2025 07:29

Autistic?

Jk987 · 27/09/2025 07:30

Are you considering dating him and that’s why you’re asking if it’s a red flag?
Has he told you he’s a virgin or are you assuming?

OhNoNotSusan · 27/09/2025 07:30

i dont think this should be a discussion
it is very private

Original poster
Benny91 · 27/09/2025 07:31

DonaldBiden · 27/09/2025 07:29

Autistic?

No, he’s just had trouble finding someone. As women don’t find him attractive.

OP posts:
Reachedtheend · 27/09/2025 07:31

How are people supposed to know how unusual it is given surely most people who are virgins at 35 don't go around advertising the fact.
And if it is a red flag for a guy to be a virgin at 35 is it also a red flag if a woman is?
It seems so judgemental to think there necessarily must be something wrong with someone because they haven't had sex befire that age. There are are so many reasons why a person could be in that position.
And honestly what about the guys who aren't virgins but their only sexual experience is because they have used prostitutes? That would be a red flag imo .

AndSheDid · 27/09/2025 07:32

Respectfully, unless you’re contemplating dating him yourself, I don’t see why you’re posting about it on the internet.

Original poster
Benny91 · 27/09/2025 07:32

Jk987 · 27/09/2025 07:30

Are you considering dating him and that’s why you’re asking if it’s a red flag?
Has he told you he’s a virgin or are you assuming?

No of course I’m not dating him. He told me last night.

OP posts:
Overtheatlantic · 27/09/2025 07:33

Not a red flag for me necessarily. He could be a shy academic who has been overlooked and isn’t conventionally attractive. Many people “bloom” early but others don’t.

OhNoNotSusan · 27/09/2025 07:34

he doesnt have to tell all and sundry

Robertplantgoddess · 27/09/2025 07:36

Does he even want a relationship /have sex? He may be asexual.
If he does want a relationship unless his opening lines on meeting anyone ever are - hi I'm a 35year old virgin- how would anyone know? So not a red flag for me by itself but the reasons behind it may be.

MaryGreenhill · 27/09/2025 07:37

It's nobody's business

Ineffable23 · 27/09/2025 07:40

I met someone in the same position. I think it could have been fine but it was accompanied by a load of related hang ups that he wasn't prepared to work through. That meant that it just didn't work out but it was such a shame as the person in question was really nice.

Original poster
Benny91 · 27/09/2025 07:40

Robertplantgoddess · 27/09/2025 07:36

Does he even want a relationship /have sex? He may be asexual.
If he does want a relationship unless his opening lines on meeting anyone ever are - hi I'm a 35year old virgin- how would anyone know? So not a red flag for me by itself but the reasons behind it may be.

He does want a relationship. But he’s doubtful about using prostitution, as he feels that wouldn’t be right.

And of course no one would know unless obviously he told them. I just want him to be happy in life and when it comes to dates for him not to be rejected because of it.

OP posts:
Reachedtheend · 27/09/2025 07:41

Benny91 · 27/09/2025 07:32

No of course I’m not dating him. He told me last night.

Show quote history

He told you last night, presumably in confidence?
And your reaction is to start a thread on here discussing it?
The poor guy.
I think he chose the wrong person to confide in.

BreakfastOfChampignons · 27/09/2025 07:43

I think I'd probably have more respect for a 35 year old virgin who hasn't found the right person than I would for someone who has slept around indiscriminately.

But ultimately, unless I'm planning on having sex with them myself, or it's shared on a medical basis in line with my job, it wouldn't even be a topic of conversation 🤷‍♀️

BadActingParsley · 27/09/2025 07:44

a friend of mine hadn’t had a relationship or sex till he met someone at 45, they’ve moved in together and are very happy now about 15 years later. He’s a really nice bloke who had been knocked back a few times and just lost his confidence. I’m really pleased for him.

Rainbowqueeen · 27/09/2025 07:47

It’s fine. Unusual but I’d rather date someone like this than someone who had several kids with different women.

I do accept that some women will be weirded out by this

verybighouseinthecountry · 27/09/2025 07:50

I think the chances of a NT male who wants to have sex but hasn't done so by the age of 35 is very unusual, and whilst I wouldn't say it was a massive red flag, I'd have some concerns. Being in a relationship is one thing, but surely it's not that hard to get a shag, even if you aren't very attractive? I'd worry he has other deeper issues, and nowadays I'd assume he has a porn addiction.

verybighouseinthecountry · 27/09/2025 07:53

BreakfastOfChampignons · 27/09/2025 07:43

I think I'd probably have more respect for a 35 year old virgin who hasn't found the right person than I would for someone who has slept around indiscriminately.

But ultimately, unless I'm planning on having sex with them myself, or it's shared on a medical basis in line with my job, it wouldn't even be a topic of conversation 🤷‍♀️

Yes me too, but the OP didn't say he's waiting for the right person, they said he hasn't been able to find anyone who wants to sleep with him.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 27/09/2025 07:57

verybighouseinthecountry · 27/09/2025 07:50

I think the chances of a NT male who wants to have sex but hasn't done so by the age of 35 is very unusual, and whilst I wouldn't say it was a massive red flag, I'd have some concerns. Being in a relationship is one thing, but surely it's not that hard to get a shag, even if you aren't very attractive? I'd worry he has other deeper issues, and nowadays I'd assume he has a porn addiction.

Maybe he’s shy and doesn’t want his first time to be quick shag?

Letmeoutodhere · 27/09/2025 08:00

I know a couple of men in this situation. They are both lovely people, just shy and didn’t get off the starting block with girlfriends etc when they were at school or in their twenties. Both on the spectrum. A relative is seeing a guy who is in his mid thirties and just had one girlfriend before her. He’s delightful but wasn’t one for multiple partners and lacking in confidence. Also on the spectrum. There are many women on the same situation but somehow they aren’t judged in the same way. An indication of our dual values when it comes to men and women.

JillyGiraffe · 27/09/2025 08:00

I don’t understand why you’re asking - what would it be a red flag for? Poor guy. You’re his friend..?

MouseCheese87 · 27/09/2025 08:00

OhNoNotSusan · 27/09/2025 07:30

i dont think this should be a discussion
it is very private

It's fair to discuss it on an anonymous forum. OP isn't providing his name and photo.
To answer the question, I think there are various reasons why a man could be a virgin and never had a relationship at 35, it doesn't necessarily mean there's anything " wrong" with him but it is unusual and I probably wouldn't want to date him. Inexperience at sex itself aside, the lack of experience in relationships and a possible inability to connect and commit long term would be something I'd worry about. If he's never had a serious relationship with a woman by this age, in all likelihood that isn't going to suddenly change.

GingerPaste · 27/09/2025 08:02

JillyGiraffe · 27/09/2025 08:00

I don’t understand why you’re asking - what would it be a red flag for? Poor guy. You’re his friend..?

This. What EXACTLY is a red flag about it?

Planesmistakenforstars · 27/09/2025 08:03

This is not information anyone has to share with a potential date, so it shouldn't matter. And I don't think women tend to ask how many people a man has slept with anyway. But.

As women don’t find him attractive.

Is this coming from him, and/or is this also your opinion? And if so, what is it that's unattractive about him? Being a virgin is not a red flag in and of itself, but this is. I think women are fairly forgiving when it comes to looks (in a way that men generally aren't) if a man has a lot of things going for him personality-wise once you get to know them.