So dh has shhhhed my loud laugh a few times now, and I’m not sure about how I feel about this ?

[IsThishmmmmm]

Ok so I’ve been told I have a loud laugh by a couple of people now
but I’ve noticed now that dh if we are out somewhere and I laugh he will go shhh
he does it every quietly and sheepishly

but I don’t know what to make of it
I mean I can’t really control how loud I laugh

I’m a very quiet laugher, more of a smiler really but I love the sound of laughter. When my daughter has her friends round and they are shrieking with laughter, I think it sounds great. My DH is one of the few people who can make me cry with laughter and that is one of the reasons I married him.

@Charredtea You'll always come across a grumpy fucker who seems to think that because they're not happy with their life, why should you with your loud infectious laugh get to be so happy 😂 like you I've had many compliments on my laugh so there are still some people out there who enjoy hearing people laugh😊 if anyone told me to shhh i'd be swiftly telling them to piss off. How awful it would be if nobody ever laughed in public 😳

Agreed and we do look younger than the ones that dont laugh.
Them that find it embarrassing are just miserable because they dont know how to laugh.

Completely agree that people who laugh a lot don't look as old as non laughers. Maybe it's because we're more relaxed in a way they're not. Must be so tiring having to be so miserable all the time 😂

This thread is about the volume of the laugh, not about people being miserable. Almost everyone I know enjoys a good LOL but when people do it extra loud it does come across as performative. Not saying that's what you do OP, just what other people's perception will be that is what your DH is finding embarrassing.

Well it’s not about nothing is it. It’s about a memory of something funny.

Unsophisticated? Oh you just made me cringe so hard. About that is.

When we’re out-out, my husband basically shows off when he laughs. It’s a fake laugh, and all for attention.
Ooh, look at how much fun i’m having.

It’s embarrassing and the volume goes right through me.
Through gritted teeth, my son also says ‘Dad!’, cos it goes right through him, as well.

‘Performative’. That’s the word i was searching for.
Thank you.

Performative and ‘unsophisticated’ .
and here I was just living my authentic life.

i pity the children of those parents who feel that natural reactions and responses to things are performative and unsophisticated. Such utter drollery.

Bless your husband, your son probably inherited the cringe from you. It’s sad that such a natural part of him makes you and his child feel so uncomfortable when ‘out out’, must take the shine off every special occasion for all of you.

Just think how many, many, many people never told you how irritating this loud laughter is.
It really is, sorry.
From both men and women.

Oh jeeze. I was on a train yesterday and across the aisle was a group of four, two of whom were loud laughers, and all four had carrying voices and were out to spend the whole journey making each other laugh.

There was nowhere else to sit, so I moved up two carriages and stood for the last 30 minutes of the journey. I can't bear piercingly loud people.
If one of them had shushed the others, I'd have been SO grateful.

Oh god. Loudness is a terrible thing. I’m on a run at the moment of hearing men shouting into mobile phones, wherever I go. It is driving me crackers.

Never underestimate the extent to which your ‘free expression’ is oppressive noise pollution to somebody else.

I love a genuine loud laugh. Obviously, no one likes performative shrieking but a genuine loud laugh because you find something funny is a thing of joy. And I understand that laughing all the way through a comedian's performance even if not everything they say is that funny. You're out for the night and in the zone to enjoy someone working to make you laugh.

Kids shushing parents, I understand because they're permanently embarrassed by their parents. But spouses shushing their spouses in public for a natural reaction to a funny event - yuk.

Only got to page 2 and my god!! Op is what you’re asking a relationship thing? Are you worried he’s embarrassed by you? Did he do this before or is it recent? Are you getting along other than this? Nearly 20 years married and having issues and I always find it sad now that the things dh used to laugh along with when I said them he sometimes goes quiet or rolls his eyes at and I’ve said it to him.

When he does shush you, do you agree that you were laughing too loudly/inappropriately but it's pointless to shush because you can't help it (or rude to tell you by shushing instead of in another way)? Or do you think he's shushing when your laughter was perfectly fine? It sounds like the second, at least some of the time, from your followup comment.

I'd just talk with him about it and if you both agree that you have an issue with inappropriate laughter brainstorm a better way to address it, which may or may not include cues from him. If you don't think you're doing anything wrong, then talk about why he feels the need to regulate your behaviour.

I’m not saying you laugh deliberately loudly, but I just don’t believe that you couldn’t moderate it if you really wanted to (big "if"). I bet you’d manage it if someone offered you a million £ if you didn’t laugh loudly for a week, because you’d be guarding your own behaviour very carefully. The opposite of "not laughing loudly" is not "being miserable".

The fact that it’s natural to you isn’t a get-out. There are a lot of behaviours that are natural to the person doing them but can be highly irritating to others, e.g. constant tuneless humming or swearing a lot. Assuming the person doesn't have a problem such as ADHD or Tourette's, it just depends on how much they want to try to change themselves and avoid such behaviour.

If you don’t care about the opinions of others, crack on. If you do care, I’m sure you could tone it down with a bit of practice.

You cant control it?

Yabu for making me take the side of a man!!

This thread made me think of The Ick by Panic Shack.

punk song - lyrics in one of the verses;

You basically handed me the hammer
Practically placed the nail on the wood
Smashed that nail though me into the coffin when you let out a Shush
You Shushed me in the cinema
He Shushed me in the cinema
You do not shush me in the cinema

Thanks for the album rec!!

Whats the benefit to your laugh making your making you look younger and not old?

Why am I suddenly imagining Janice from Friends? 😆

All these people telling you to control how loud you laugh are assuming it’s loud! Do you literally mean him and one other person have told you it’s loud? If so, that doesn’t necessarily mean it is! You need to decide yourself if it’s loud - do people look over at you when you laugh? He seems embarrassed which isn’t really going to make for a happy marriage is it? I would stare at something he is insecure about every time he talks to you from now on. I do this with my OH and yes it’s toxic and no I don’t care - he didn’t care when he hurt my feelings. His belly big? Stare at if when he reaches for something, his eyebrows unruly? Look him in the eyebrows while he’s speaking to you, bald patch - you know where I’m going with this.

However, if you know deep down that everyone stares when you laugh then maybe it’s time to dial it down a notch but only if it’s obnoxious, if not screw him.

You keep laughing and enjoying yourself, he doesn't own you and he can't tell you how to behave and I would be furious if I was you, it shows a complete lack of respect to shush your partner who is just laughing.

Laughing is a joyous sound. Imagine hearing people having fun and think 'how vulgar, what show offs, how attention grabbing'. Shocking revelation: people who are laughing loudly are happy. That is all.