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Original poster

Would you be concerned, as this woman's mother?

116 replies

Eisas · 20/09/2025 13:38

Or thinking you go girl?

She's an adult, so there's nothing to be done and nothing to be said, but that doesn't stop mum worrying.

Mid 30s, married just over a year. Both have very good jobs, as well as family money, and a lifestyle most could only dream of.

Woman is to go travelling, without DH, for 6 months. He'll met her for the last two weeks. The plan is to start a family when she gets back.

I'm all for adventure,l and independance, but it seems strange to me to voluntarily be away from your new husband for so long, at the same time as planning a family.

Otoh, their life is so different to anything I know, maybe it's me.

OP posts:
herbalteabag · 21/09/2025 17:07

No I wouldn't really be worried. I might be surprised, but perhaps this is something she has always wanted to do and so now is the only ok time to do it. If they start a family it will be almost impossible for many years to come. Better to do it now and not when she's heading towards retirement.
We regret what we don't do in life.

RawBloomers · 21/09/2025 17:14

Concerned in what sense? If they haven’t been together that long I’d be surprised and wonder if they would last but I wouldn’t be concerned if no kids and financially comfortable. Any concerns I had for her would be more based on the plan to have a family - if that’s something I knew she wanted then no concerns and traveling while she can seems like a great plan. If DC seemed like a bit of a surprise or like it was more coming from him, then I’d be concerned and glad she was going to be off for 6 months and have an opportunity to rethink.

I would be concerned if it was the DH going traveling, however.

Cherrytree86 · 21/09/2025 17:30

Are you a bit jealous , OP? Could you do something similar? Travel is amazing, and it’s never too late!
@Eisas

p.s not all women want to have a baby as soon as they are married. In fact - believe it or not- some women don’t even want children at all!

Allseeingallknowing · 21/09/2025 17:38

DoinFineIThink · 21/09/2025 15:57

So because she likes going places by herself that means she's out on the pull?
That's ridiculous.
I'm happily married and have been for many years, but now the kids have got older I enjoy going out for mini breaks by myself, hotel for the night and exploring new cities. Doesn't mean I've got another man in them! 🙄 It's perfectly possible to enjoy your own company sometimes.

Show quote history

Mini breaks, yes, but six months in a newish marriage seems too long

Everyonelikecapybaras · 21/09/2025 17:41

Comedycook · 21/09/2025 17:04

I get the feeling that a lot of posters commenting that it's great have probably raised their families and are in very long established marriages...in these situations it probably seems like a wonderful liberating thing to do to find yourself and then come home to a very secure marriage.

For a recently married couple though, it doesn't bode well imo.

But they may be in decade long established relationship... So no difference really

Owly11 · 21/09/2025 17:43

Is she travelling alone? Where is she going and why? Is she taking six months off work? Does she have a job to come back to? We need more context to understand the decision and whether there are grounds to worry.

DoinFineIThink · 21/09/2025 18:58

Allseeingallknowing · 21/09/2025 17:38

Mini breaks, yes, but six months in a newish marriage seems too long

Show quote history

Why? I mean I wouldn't personally go away that long, but I wouldn't judge anyone who did.

Stompythedinosaur · 21/09/2025 21:23

I would be in support. It's sensible to live these sorts of dreams before having dc. I would be delighted my dd hadn't married someone controlling who reined in her dreams.

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 21/09/2025 21:28

wizzywig · 20/09/2025 13:39

Id not think much to be honest. I like this woman's ability to just go and have fun. She has no ties, why shouldn't she go and explore the world

This ^ good on her. I did similar but not for 6 months and never had kids, being married has never prevented me from living my life my way.

Pherian · 21/09/2025 21:43

Eisas · 20/09/2025 13:38

Or thinking you go girl?

She's an adult, so there's nothing to be done and nothing to be said, but that doesn't stop mum worrying.

Mid 30s, married just over a year. Both have very good jobs, as well as family money, and a lifestyle most could only dream of.

Woman is to go travelling, without DH, for 6 months. He'll met her for the last two weeks. The plan is to start a family when she gets back.

I'm all for adventure,l and independance, but it seems strange to me to voluntarily be away from your new husband for so long, at the same time as planning a family.

Otoh, their life is so different to anything I know, maybe it's me.

I think it’s none of your business. Their life, their business.

TheWomanTheyCallJayne · 22/09/2025 10:08

I don’t get the she should have done it before marriage comments.
We often don’t choose when we meet out partners. Once met, we presumably want to be with them. Why would going before marriage be any different to going after marriage?

Original poster
Eisas · 22/09/2025 11:47

Pherian · 21/09/2025 21:43

I think it’s none of your business. Their life, their business.

Show quote history

Of course, but if you think you'll stop worrying about DC when they become adults, you've got a surprise coming.

OP posts:
Talipesmum · 22/09/2025 12:21

Why do you ask “as this woman’s mother”? Are you her mother, and if so, haven’t you talked with her about it? Just to find out more? Doesn’t she chat about things with you?

Whether or not I’d be concerned would depend entirely on how her and her DH viewed it. Has it been the plan for a while? I obv don’t know what they do for work, but the opportunity to travel for 6 months doesn’t come up that easily when you’re working - perhaps there’s a perfect “in between jobs” or “just got a payout” or something moment that makes this a good time to go away without jeopardising career.

And before the wedding id imagine they had lots of wedding planning to do. Maybe they’ve got some free space now. And it might be that her DH would go along with her but he can’t get time off. If they’re planning a family at some point, def better to go sooner rather than later. This might be a perfect moment post wedding planning, pre baby.

If the couple are happy with it, and seem otherwise good and solid, I’d be interested to understand the impetus behind it as it’s unusual, but not concerned. If it’s causing friction between them, then I’d be worried.

Pherian · 22/09/2025 16:14

Eisas · 22/09/2025 11:47

Of course, but if you think you'll stop worrying about DC when they become adults, you've got a surprise coming.

Show quote history

Worrying is one thing . Judging and interfering and gossiping about them are another.

Your post doesn’t come across as you are the parent of the woman. In fact it isn’t clear where you fit into this and your entire post come across as judgemental, gossipy and intrusive - against the woman, her privacy and her marriage .

What’s your role here.

kellygoeswest · 22/09/2025 16:27

If she and her husband are both happy with the plan/arrangement then that's their business. There's absolutely no requirement for them to follow the traditional expectations of what a marriage means. It sounds like they both trust and support each other, which may be a really good foundation for a long, healthy marriage!

Boomer55 · 22/09/2025 16:59

Odd timing at this stage. But I suppose if both are happy, then fine. 🤷‍♀️

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