Would you be concerned, as this woman's mother?

[Eisas]

Or thinking you go girl?

She's an adult, so there's nothing to be done and nothing to be said, but that doesn't stop mum worrying.

Mid 30s, married just over a year. Both have very good jobs, as well as family money, and a lifestyle most could only dream of.

Woman is to go travelling, without DH, for 6 months. He'll met her for the last two weeks. The plan is to start a family when she gets back.

I'm all for adventure,l and independance, but it seems strange to me to voluntarily be away from your new husband for so long, at the same time as planning a family.

Otoh, their life is so different to anything I know, maybe it's me.

The OP just wants to know what others think!

I wouldn't expect that relationship to survive. Sorry if it's your child.

She had her chance to do that before marriage!

Marriage isn’t a prison sentence.

I don’t get why you can’t go travelling after marriage. It reminds me of when women needed to leave the civil service just because they were married.

I think it’s the fact that it’s such a long trip, to want to be away from their husband for six months at the start of their married life.

I'd think good on her!

Presumably her and her DH discussed that she wanted to travel before starting a family and they had a choice between them both travelling, or her traveling solo either while they were at the bf/gf stage, while they were engaged or after they were married and felt that this arrangement was how they wanted to proceed. If he is as happy about this as she is then it shows commitment and trust and good communication.

How long they've been together?

6 months flies by.

Edit to add. Only reason I am asking is that when people are long together, "newlywed" thing many are pointing out here isn't such a deal.

If they're happy it's fine

These days UK couples are together on average five years before they get married. I feel like having a ring on is not going to change that much from the six months before the ring and shouldn’t stop you going for your own goals

My sister in law did this. We all thought “there’s no way the marriage will survive this” but kept our peace. They separated a few months after she got home.

I don’t think most people would want to be away from their spouse for so long by choice if they were happy.

That's exactly what I wanted to do but couldn't afford at the time. Much as I loved DH I hated being tied down and I really wanted kids but was aware of the noose that would be around my neck forever. Alas it never happened but I'm coming out the other end now. I told DH only a few weeks ago that i still plan to travel for a few months when kids are fully independent and don't mind if he does the same. He suggested we go together and I was No thanks, the whole point is to go alone. I really admire this woman but I know many people will try to make her feel bad about it.

Edited to add i was with Dh 9 years before marriage so the 'newlyweds' thing didn't really happen. Whether I had gone before or after our wedding wouldn't have made much difference to our relationship.

I did similar, just 4 months instead of 6. Didn't see a problem. Didn't ask for mommy's permission or opinion, and would have told her to shove it, had she started with her objections.

If he was going with her I don’t think anyone would bat an eyelid but it does seem odd to leave your partner behind to go travelling. Is he tied by work or chosen not to go with her?

I assume they knew each other and dated and lived together before the marriage tho? So it’s not exactly a new relationship?!

As others have said, it’s up to the couple, nobody else’s business to meddle.

It’s quite easy really. She wants to go travelling/ fulfil a dream she’s not been able to fulfil yet. His husband was probably asked to go but wouldn’t/ couldn’t so she’s going solo.

She’s going to be a mum soon so doing this is now or never. For the next 20-25 years she won’t be able to have this experience, and considering life’s different at 50, it genuinely is now or never.

Marriage doesn’t mean you suddenly lose your sense of self and are joint at the hip with the other person. Married people will pursue separate opportunities sometimes, eg husband could move to the US to start a business for 6 months, wife may be offered a chance to shoot documentaries in the Amazon for a year.

life doesn’t stop just because you signed a joint assets agreement.

Of course people can go travelling when married but isn’t it usually something you’d do together? Considering you are committed to that person and you’d want to share the experiences and memories with them?

It's obviously something she's always wanted to do, and wants to get it ticked off before she settles down. He clearly doesn't want to do it, but doesn't want to be without her the whole time so is meeting up with her at the end.

I don't see any reason why one partner should give up on their dreams and goals because the other doesn't have the same ones.

The best couples, imo, are those who are just as good as individuals as they are together.

Good on her!

Are you his Mum?

If you are her Mum I can’t see why you wouldn’t just be supportive? Even if she has changed her mind about being married (which I don’t think is a given, but seems to be your concern); as her mum you would surely support her with that too?

I think this reads very “interfering MIL” and you should just stay out of your son’s relationship.

As a Mum of an adult daughter, yes, this would worry me greatly. There are so many countries where it's not really safe for women to be alone.

I wouldn’t be impressed in her DH’s position. But! I’m not in his position. So it’s irrelevant how I would feel. As long as he is ok with it, there’s no problem.

She probably isn’t going to those countries though…

If she wants to do Thailand/Fiji/Australia/NZ, for example, those are all pretty safe for female tourists.

If she is mid 30s and knows that she wants a baby my only concern would be fertility. If she has trouble conceiving there is less time to address fertility issues.

Ooh me and my dh did this. We talked about what things we'd miss out on if we started a family straight away. We had a house etc so it was the perfect time for him to have a career break for a few months and do the thing he was desperate to do and i travelled with him the last few weeks. I trusted him completely and we loved and missed each other. He got back and we started a family. 3 kids later im so glad we did this! The next time we have the opportunity will be when the kids are at uni and we'll be in our 60s and not up for back-packing etc. It worked brilliantly for us, though I'd never considered until reading this how it might come across to others. But who cares? As long as we felt happy/secure. I think we're both fundamentally happier for doing this. It was a trip he'd been discussing for 10 years and so felt like it was now or never. And looking back now, it probably would never have happened if we'd had kids first.

But what are you ‘concerned’ about?

She may not have done.

She may have gone to uni and then a career and now wants a family but to explore first.

I don’t see a problem with it personally 🤷‍♀️