To ask if you wished you grew up in a bigger house? Or did it not matter?

[Apricotmuffino]

Having a bit of a moment 😁

So we've spent more money on our 3 bed house than we had initially planned, it was a complete doer upper and initially we had planned to live in it for 5-7 years. Well time has gone fast, we are coming up to 6 years now, the house is much better, and I- think- were happy here but it's quite small and were thinking of expanding our family further very soon (3 to 4) and although it's a 3 bed house the 3rd room is miniscule so 2 children would likely have to share rooms. We have a small garden but big enough for children to play, great location with a nearby park and close to a train station.

The thing is, to upsize would cost a considerable amount more, prices seem to have rocketed and even a house 100k more than this would wouldn't actually get us much more in the same area. We could afford it but we wouldn't have the same disposable money, and would likely need to save hard for a few years.

I like having disposable money but I also feel guilty having 2 children in a house that's small. For reference it's about 1100sqft (I am not sure if this includes the garage).

It got me thinking about childhood, I grew up in a smaller size house (900sqft) and I can't remember ever feeling miserable living there (I had the boxroom), we were lucky that my parents had enough money to take us on an annual holiday usually in Europe)

I dont know, pondering on what would give my family a better quality of life, a bigger house or more disposable money for holidays, toys etc

Interesting to hear from others if you dont mind sharing your thoughts whilst looking back on your living accommodation growing up!

Can't see either of our salaries jumping anytime soon but perhaps in 5 years or so?

I was very happy in our three bed (and was happy growing up in a 3 bed but moved to a 5 bed age 13 and that was handy for having friends over). That said, we moved to a 4 bed because my second pregnancy was twins and their sleep needs were just so different. They often have sleep overs with each other but I don’t think I’d plan to have a dc knowing they’d have to share. Yes they are siblings but they are their own people and often it means they get no space to themselves. I understand it can be avoidable but deliberately trying for a baby when there’s no space is a no from me.

It didn’t matter, I was just used to it. Most of my friends houses seemed very big by comparison but I don’t recall caring.

I was very keen for more space to raise my own family though.

Well, if your next child is a different sex then you will really have no choice but to move.

If it's the same sex then I would stay where you are as having much less disposable income will be miserable for everyone.

I know it's difficult sharing a room I did for my whole childhood but If the alternative is not having holidays and nice things and worrying about every penny then I think most kids would be happy to share a room.

Can you look at a loft conversion instead of moving? We did this. So we have 2 double rooms + boxroom on the middle, then master + shower room in the loft. Whilst the DC are little (4y + 1y), we are all sleeping on the middle. Once the DC are older enough to be able to get themselves out in a fire, the plan is that we will move up to the loft and then they will have a big room each on the middle and the boxroom will be a permanent office. I know loft conversions are expensive now, but for the sort of next size up house in our area, its at least £150-200k more and we would prefer not to spend that amount of money + stamp duty.

I shared a room with my sister and although we were the best of friends we had completely different taste in decor so it never felt like it was my room or hers. The first time I had my own room was at uni.

So yes I wished I had a bigger house for that reason but knew there was no way my parents could afford to move. Our dining room was open to the lounge too so no dining room to sit in away from everyone.

Even if you have two children of the same sex there is no guarantee they will even get on. My friend's children hate and I mean hate each other. You do have a 3 bed so you might have to put the second child in that room for a whole host of reasons but they may also be best friends who love sharing too.

I was happy in the house I grew up in, but I sure do wish we had a bigger house now.

Like above, if you haven't i would consider if there's any possibility where you live-loft conversion, garage conversion, extension?

Eek is 2 children sharing a bedroom that bad?

Little one is 2

We COULD technically have a second child in the tiny room but it only has enough room for a bed and that's pretty much it, it's currently used as a home office so it would be an adjustment losing that space for wfh

At what age is separate rooms a must, particularly if different sexes?

This thread has already given me some food for thought!

Damn why are houses so expensive 😫

Our house was quite small when I was a child, 2 normal sized bedrooms and the box room. I was an only child and never really thought about the size of the house, although as a teenager I wished for a bigger bedroom.

I grew up in huge houses (not in the UK) and I did not like it. Because we didn’t use a lot of the rooms, they weren’t properly furnished, and it felt cavernous and lonely.

DP and I could have afforded a house double the size of the one we bought, and whilst I do wish we had a little bit more space (unplanned second child!) I really love it. It’s cozy and well organised.

I grew up in a detached house, parents bedroom, large bedroom for DB and smaller room for me. We had half an acre of garden. I now live in a flat myself.

Thoughts - making good memories matters more than size of house, having some green space - whether it's the garden or local parks - is great for mental wellbeing and general activity levels.

I don't think there's a right or wrong and it comes down to whether having a big house is important to you now. You can downsize in future, you can upsize in future, just do what's right now.

I am not so sure the loft would be tall enough to be converted tbh, my husband can barely stand up, no one else has done it on the estate with a similar house, so I'm not sure it's possible, there isn't enough room for a side extension either. Thank you for the suggestion though!

I grew up in a cold, disjointed, large house. Give me a 2 up 2 down any day.

I had to share a bedroom when I was growing up and hated it, so did my partner. When we were discussing having children, we decided that we would always make sure that our children would never have to share a bedroom. To be honest I think one of my children wouldn’t have minded, but one definitely likes their own space and would have hated sharing a room.

I was happy in our 3 bed council flat growing up (though would have liked an inside toilet) and am reasonably happy now with my 2 bed (I sleep in the living room). I think the size of a house is generally more important to parents than children.

@Apricotmuffino I have our DC sharing a room even though we have a room for the second one. I think it’s nice for them to share! They are 2 and 5. I’m expecting they’ll keep sharing until the eldest is around 10, 11 or 12, although they are both boys.

It’s not law or anything like that, but it’s seen as best for opposite sex children to have their own room from about aged 10 for privacy reasons.

OP, I'm not sure from your original post if another baby will mean you go from a family of 3 to 4 or if you will then have 4 children.

From the replies you're getting I don't think other posters are sure either.

I grew up in a very small house and it never even crossed my mind it was small. It was cosy, we were all together and I didn't know anything else. In adult life I like small houses and rooms too.

I lived in 2 countries abroad as a child and we always had separate bedrooms. When younger, my brother had 2 singles in his room and I could choose to sleep in there or my own room. Its only since I've lived in the UK and reading MN that its seems common here for some children to share a bedroom- even when older than a toddler.

OP- is the box room next to a larger room? We had this scenario and moved the wall across the make a box room useable and the master slightly smaller.

Ahh im so sorry for the confusion, we have one child now who is 2 years old, we are currently a family of 3! We hope for another baby soon 🙏

When I was little we were barely home and didn't really need any space in the house except for the odd board game.

Think about how you expect your DC to live and how you'd use your house.

My 3 DC are all ND and it would have been hell if they'd had to share rooms, they all need quiet space away from each other. Two are proper gamers and might have been unhappy without the space for their kit.

My friends with smaller houses and NT DC seems to have space issues in early teens but only until they're fully independent then they're generally out.

We got on ok in our previous house, no one had to share a room unless we had guests, we had a small garden and were close to a park. But we recently moved. Much more space, much less disposable income. But our day to day lives have been completely transformed. The kids are so much happier. They weren’t ashamed of the previous house, but their obvious excitement at showing their friends around this one has been so lovely, and they invite friends back much more often too, as we have enough space that everyone can have a friend here at once with no issues and enough space to sit everyone at the table for a meal. It’s been a million times worth the necessary budgeting.

I grew up in a small house with a stressed father who couldn’t cope with noise. Part of the stresses were financial though, so we could have had a bigger house and not been on top of each other (less stress) but have even less money (more stress).

So it’s swings and roundabouts.

My sister and I hated sharing in our teens.

Our houses weren't especially large. Ive always been an introvert so would not have liked sharing a room - luckily we had a 3-bed so I only had to share with my grandma when she stayed.

I think you'll be fine. The small room can easily be a room with a toddler bed (which usually sleeps them until age 5 easy) and even one of those mid sleeper beds are good as the have storage underneath and the bed on top, so I'm sure you can manage for a while to come if you do need to have them in separate bedrooms. Otherwise they can share a bedroom. I shared a bedroom until I left home at 18! Did have a room divider thingy for some of it which helped me have a bit of privacy. We were 4 kids and parents in a 3 bed, so 2 kids and parents is easily manageable I'd say.