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Original poster

Anybody else not had somebody to look after your toddler whilst you give birth to your baby? What did you do?

84 replies

PassportPhotosAreHorrific · 10/09/2025 13:46

Very specific dilemma I know!

Long story short, I have a tiny family who mostly live far away, and all of my friends live far away too.

So as not to drip feed, my mum and stepdad were going to have DS (3 years old) when I go into labour, but my stepdad has now been diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer. By the time the baby is due, my stepdad will just be home after an experimental treatment programme. So he (and my mum) can't be exposed to germs during that period. Mum will be looking after him.

My partner, understandably, wants to be at the labour to support me.

So it's dawning on me that I have no idea what to do with my toddler.

If you were in a similar situation, what did you do? Did you take your older child to the hospital/ midwife unit with you? Or is there another solution I've not thought of?

I've thought of a paid babysitter but I have no idea how long I'll be gone for, so that makes that tricky.

Any suggestions appreciated :)

OP posts:
Nonametonight · 10/09/2025 13:48

I think your partner will need to stay home with the toddler and you go to hospital on your own

MysteriousFalafel · 10/09/2025 13:49

Any nice neighbours or acquaintances you have? I’d definitely help someone out in this situation even if I didn’t know them that well. What if you asked someone to have the toddler while a friend drove up? Otherwise yes paid babysitter and it would be worth doing a few visits between now and due date so toddler gets used to them.

DameSylvieKrin · 10/09/2025 13:50

Paid babysitter and mentally prepared to do it alone if need be

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Families
Jerseygirl2023 · 10/09/2025 13:50

Congratulations on pregnancy. And sorry your family is going through a difficult time health wise.

If there really was absolutely no single person who could take my child to allow my husband to be with you me in labour then I’d want my husband to stay with toddler and leave me in capable hands of medics.

If there really isn’t anyone, is home birth an option for you?

Peteryourhorseisheree · 10/09/2025 13:51

My husband stayed at home. I’ve had two c sections on my own. It was okay actually. (He was fucking useless at the first anyway).

Geiirksns · 10/09/2025 13:54

If you take your toddler with you they’ll send your DH home with your toddler; I think a paid babysitter is your best option

arachnidadriana · 10/09/2025 13:56

That’s tricky. You definitely, 100% cannot take your toddler with you. If you did your partner wouldn’t be allowed in the room/delivery area with them so they might as well be at home then anyway . Theres no solution that any service like the NHS can offer. You must find your own childcare.

Worst case scenario you’d have to leave your partner with them and either go to hospital alone or take another birth partner.

If you really have no other family or friends to help then your only option is paid childcare but I would also book a few sessions beforehand so that your toddler can get to know them a bit especially as they’ll like be left overnight.

Original poster
PassportPhotosAreHorrific · 10/09/2025 14:00

@Jerseygirl2023 sadly not (home birth), that would solve a lot of issues. Unfortunately, I'm having a consultant-led birth because of complications with my first birth. So I think the minimum they'll let me do is to give birth in the local midwife unit. And that's if everything goes to plan.

Thanks for everybody else's suggestions. It looks like I'm going to have to look into hiring somebody for that period. I'll start looking around for somebody and as a few of you suggest, I'll have them over for a few times ahead of the baby arriving.

OP posts:
Mikart · 10/09/2025 14:03

I just went to hospital on my own as we had nobody to take care of toddler during the night.

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 10/09/2025 14:03

PassportPhotosAreHorrific · 10/09/2025 13:46

Very specific dilemma I know!

Long story short, I have a tiny family who mostly live far away, and all of my friends live far away too.

So as not to drip feed, my mum and stepdad were going to have DS (3 years old) when I go into labour, but my stepdad has now been diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer. By the time the baby is due, my stepdad will just be home after an experimental treatment programme. So he (and my mum) can't be exposed to germs during that period. Mum will be looking after him.

My partner, understandably, wants to be at the labour to support me.

So it's dawning on me that I have no idea what to do with my toddler.

If you were in a similar situation, what did you do? Did you take your older child to the hospital/ midwife unit with you? Or is there another solution I've not thought of?

I've thought of a paid babysitter but I have no idea how long I'll be gone for, so that makes that tricky.

Any suggestions appreciated :)

I would travel a good few hours to support a friend in this situation, if that helps.

MidnightPatrol · 10/09/2025 14:04

Have you got any friendly neighbours with small kids?

If a neighbour asked me I’d help them out.

Otherwise - yes, look at a nanny.

Dartmoorcheffy · 10/09/2025 14:05

I would happily travel to help a friend or relative in this situation. Ask them.

OpheliaNightingale · 10/09/2025 14:06

@PassportPhotosAreHorrific I had home births x

Dandelionsand4leafclover · 10/09/2025 14:07

Does you toddler go to nursery? Maybe explain to them the situation and see if their key person or a member of staff they are familiar with would help you out?

Helpwithdivorce · 10/09/2025 14:07

Dad can stay home. You have midwives there to look after you and men are generally pretty useless in labour anyway

Gentlydoesit2 · 10/09/2025 14:10

Does your toddler go to nursery at all? Are you friends with any of their friends mums/dad's that might be able to help?

Ilovechees3 · 10/09/2025 14:10

I had a neighbour who was a childminder and agreed to have my eldest when I went in for the birth, she was prepared to have her even if middle of night luckily it was 6am so not too bad.
My daughter went for a couple of visits beforehand and coped really well

Clockface222 · 10/09/2025 14:11

I had a home birth and paid a doula to look after my older child.

WaltzingWaters · 10/09/2025 14:12

Yes not a chance they’ll let you take your toddler in with you.
I think paid childcare will be your only option, but obviously difficult to arrange assuming you’re thinking it’ll be a natural labour (easier to plan if planned c section or being induced early on a certain date). So you may have to pay above the odds to have someone available whenever, or hire them for live in care for a few weeks or so if that’s an option.

SummerInSun · 10/09/2025 14:13

Dandelionsand4leafclover · 10/09/2025 14:07

Does you toddler go to nursery? Maybe explain to them the situation and see if their key person or a member of staff they are familiar with would help you out?

Was coming on to make this suggestion too. Obviously you will have to pay and make it worth their while, and be happy for them to sleep in your house overnight if labour stretches over a night, but less confusing for your toddler than a total stranger.

Bluelilacbella · 10/09/2025 14:13

Do you have a partner/husband?

NaranjaDreams · 10/09/2025 14:13

We had this issue. As others have said, it’s not an option to take your toddler. A home birth wasn’t an option for me either so my husband had to get his head around that he wouldn’t be there and I had to get my head around doing it alone.

In the end she came by section and a friend offered to have my toddler, so she picked him up, DH was in surgery with me and then once we were back on the ward, left to get DS. DH and DS came back to see us for an hour later on, but DS didn’t want to leave and that made me really sad! He’s been in love with his baby sister since he first met her.

I was lucky but I don’t think it’d be massively different doing it alone, if I’m honest, the midwives will look after you. I was on my own for most of my hospital stay anyway. We stayed in for 22 hours and I had company for 2 hours of it; the section and the visit with DS.

BourgeoisBabe · 10/09/2025 14:14

Nonametonight · 10/09/2025 13:48

I think your partner will need to stay home with the toddler and you go to hospital on your own

Unfortunately this

Goldbar · 10/09/2025 14:20

My advice would be to talk to your neighbours, if you have any who you trust or who have small children of their own.

Even if you manage to find someone else to care for your DC, there may be a delay in them getting to you, especially if it's the middle of the night. Whereas your neighbours are already there and on the scene and might be willing to care for your sleeping toddler until whoever you've booked arrived, especially if there's two parents and one could easily come and sit at yours and watch TV.

They're just an extra line of help that can allow you to "square" all the corners and most neighbours will be willing to do what they can in a one-off situation like this.

Skybluepinky · 10/09/2025 14:21

Yes my bestie went into labour 2 months early on Xmas day so they all went to hospital she was home by tea time.