The Brass Neck of It. CF

[Nayyercheekyfeckers]

So, I volunteer for a local football team for kids. Last night the leader asked if anyone could pick up a new boy who was joining the club. He lives a short walk (less than ten mins) from the pitch. It's a few minutes out of my way, but apparently his mother is heavily pregnant and therefore unable to take him. I've never met him or his family before. I foolishly make the assumption that she is very heavily pregnant, doesn't drive and that she either lives alone or her husband works away. I have some sympathy because my husband works abroad so I am currently doing all the childcare, as well as working and volunteering. As a grass roots local club, inclusion is important, so I agree.

I am slightly surprised to show up at a large house with 2 cars on the drive. She confirms that I am ok to drop him back home again and I agree as I can see that she is pregnant, so I assume struggling. Upon enquiring she says that she is due in November, so not for another 2-3 months.
So imagine my surprise, upon returning their son, to find his dad stood on the drive polishing his top of the range Ferrari, having just unloaded his golf clubs!!
The mother answers the door, thanks me but says that she just wants to confirm that I will be continuing to do the lifts from now on.
I declined the offer to be their free taxi service. She was disappointed but said that she would have to contact the leader to see what he could do!

Honestly, I just don't understand. What goes on in some people's heads?? Why would anyone be happy for their young child to go off with someone they had never met before? Why couldn't she walk him there and her husband pick him up? Why couldn't she drive him there? Why couldn't her husband do the lifts? Why couldn't she arrange a lift share? There are a few other boys from the same school and class who attend and live in the same village close by. Why not pay for some wrap around care if you can afford multiple top of the range cars? Why arrange for your child to join a club, sign them up and buy new kit, without knowing how they are going to get there? The mind boggles at this level of cheeky fuckery! The more that I've thought about it, the more audacious it seems and I just needed to vent!

Come share your stories of cheeky fuckery with me.

@Ratafia
The op is not just a random parent whose kid goes to the football club.
She is part of the structure at the club - at least that is my take on what she said in her post - and as such should be trained and aware of the policy around child welfare and safety. If the club is affiliated to the FA there are very stringent rules.

My husband coaches a football team and the manager is a good friend

The team has been going about 8 years and the boys are now 15.

EVERY week someone gets asked to be collected or dropped off to training and/or matches.

its not a huge problem but always the same couple of kids and without ‘valid’ reason (that we know of, not working or childcare etc), what I think is sad, is that those kids must feel that absence, esp at matches.

You never quite know what is going on I peoples lives but where you can you turn up for your kids

How does this family earn their money to have such expensive cars.? They sound like a bunch of real dodgy, piss takers to me.

And the sort of people who really know how to, and will get on in life.
Thatchers Children Entrepreneurial types?

The leafy Cheshire East suburbs are full. of them.

Polishing his motorbike? Ooo I say

We recently had a parent ring the school at 9am, asking if one of the teachers could pick her daughter up from home and bring her in, because her own car had broken down. They live a five minute walk from the school! When somebody suggested they walk, she said, "Oh, but I've got a baby". Seriously!! How does she think everyone else manages the school run?

We have this regularly too. Neighbours are filthy rich and often get asked to have their DS before and after school as the dad is playing golf (he doesn't work).

I also get asked a lot by others to have their DCs before and after school because DH and I WFH. People don't realise that while we are here we are working. It is not as simple as just having their DCs here.

Now that's made my day and is so relevant to my life right now. Genuinely thank you ☺️

Im a bit like you OP, too accepting and don’t like upsetting the applecart .. I find hard to say no.
Ive known a few corkers in my time. Some of my ‘mum’ friends don’t drive so I end up driving them and their kids about. One is really polite about it but another just says she can’t be the one to give a lift as she’s always late!! So we go to pick her up and are there 10 minutes waiting for her to come out!
I drove someone to a kids party when another parent in the school WhatsApp group volunteered me! I didn’t know the woman at all and she was very grateful for the lift but I felt so awkward we were thrown together. Muggins here can’t say no 😆

My mum told me a story about her friend who lives with her adult son. Neither of them drive.
She wanted him to go to a quiz night with some of her friends to get him out of the house (not many friends/no gf) and she kept reminding them to pick him up. She was going away the next day but before she left, phoned them and left a message saying ‘Pick Tom up. Pick Tom up, don’t forget to pick him up’ on their answer machine! 😆

Some people are weird CFers and they can’t understand that people aren’t there to provide them favours.

That is pure CF territory. I have never asked anyone to take my DD somewhere for me, I once hurt myself on the way to my DD extra curricular (face planted the floor) and split open all my face/arm/legs, still got up off the floor and took her so she didn’t miss out, I couldn’t bare to text the group chat and impose on one of the other parents. (Had to wrap my legs in loo roll to stop the bleeding during her lesson though- the things we do for our kids) 🤣

As a fellow walkover I so wish MN had been around when I had young DC. I cringe when I recall the things I agreed to in the past.

Why couldn't she get a taxi?

I have learned that there are people in this world who just demand what they want. I try to be more like them really because they do indeed get what they want.

They just feel the world is theirs for the taking. It was quite a wake up call for me that people have this attitude.

Yes and you have to stand up to people like that because they profoundly disrespect others. They know what they are doing.

When I worked in schools, I could take 2+ children by myself but not just 1 child. When I was asked to accompany a single child around a school (parents couldn’t be bothered to…) another teacher dropped us off at the school and then picked us up after the session.

Wow, when I was heavily pregnant, my daughter attended a sports club,p that was just under a 10 minute walk from my house, I used to walk there and pick her up, you can still walk when heavily pregnant. I would also feel uncomfortable with a stranger taking my child anywhere, what strange people,

Incredible entitlement surfaces with sports and after school activities.

My son had an amazing pony that he loved and competed successfuly on, and that we made a lot of financial sacrifices to keep. We were approached by the riding school to say, would we consider allowing another child to compete on the pony and get some show mileage? No offer of shared expenses, it was pitched as a kind thing to do to allow someone else this experience. I was actually considering it till I saw the mum arrive to collect said child in a brand new top of the range Merecedes AMG costing well over 150 000 pounds. A choice was clearly made here on where to spend their money, and I did not see why I - driving around in my second hand little hatchback, should subsidise their childs sport so mum could cruise around in a Merc. It was a hard no.

Absolute entitled wankers OP. I once had a male colleague who was not my senior think I was his personal wife at work there to make his coffee and get his notes out because I used to get in early and he got in at the last minute.
I called him out for the sexist wanker that he was and he actually had the gall to report me to management.
The result of that was that he was given a warning and moved to a clinic miles away from his home to work with two other men senior to him who would not put up with his crap.

Faints in old gimmer. Youth Training Scheme.

I've got a lift one. I live rurally, bus to the town i worked at has 2 buses an hour, worked flexi, but to get home for school I needed to go earlier than first bus. I didnt drive.My line manager asked around and found a woman who'd car share. I was a walk over at this point. Anyway, she ripped my department to bits, then my town, then kids-she hated kids.(I had 3). Then at the end of the week she said "oh that'll be x pounds. muggins pays up. Week two. Same as last week. She was just a little ray of fucking sunshine. Paid up.
Going through budget with dh and I say, well my transport is x. "How much?" It worked out that I was paying ALL her car costs, all petrol and a good chunk of extra cash. I told her I didn't need a lift anymore thank you(flexi time screwed). She reported me to HR. I sent them a copy of what i'd paid her. I then found out it was a company car and she got generous paid mileage.

Oh thats brilliant.

Reminds me of years ago a colleague of mine was getting up to leave and go home from work and the Head of another department came in and TOLD her to drop a visiting client to his hotel, which was close to where she lived.

She tried to protest but was cut off and told not to be silly and difficult.
She felt very put on the spot.
She did it and he asked her into the hotel for a drink which she declined.
She was very upset and pissed off.
As her evening wore on she got more upset and furious.

She rang in sick the following day and went to her GP who told her she was signing her out for a week for stress.

In that time she contacted HR and made a formal written complaint.
She said she felt utter forced by the company to allow a man she didn't know, into HER car, on HER private time, who then asked her into the hotel.
She said it was totally unacceptable and she would be seeking advice on the matter.
She named the other staff there who witnessed it.

Now to be clear, the man hadn't done anything other than ask her for a drink, but she felt very uncomfortable.

To say there was a stink is putting it mildly.
There was both disbelieve and fury.
The whole company was gossipping about it and the females, myself included were incensed on her behalf.

The HR director, a nice man, eviscerated the HoD in a meeting. He was clearly overheard.
He involved the President of the company.

Particularly offensive was his silly, difficult remark, which was deemed to be extremely bullying, and would not have been said to a male colleague.

She received a formal apology, flowers and huge hamper to her home, assuring her of her huge value to the company.
A memo to all staff was issued clarifying a code of conduct.
She didn't return for a full 3 weeks.

The HoD went out sick shortly afterwards and moved job within 3 months.
He had lost all credibility.
HR did a stellar job in that instance and that was a good 25 years ago.

Some of these are jaw dropping.

I had a CF with Cubs. I was in a group of 4 mums (and sometimes the dads too) who shared drop off pick up. For context group consisted of: one full time teacher, one full time doctor, one part time nurse and one stay at home mum. Every time it was the stay at home mother's turn to do their share there was an issue. We'd have very little notice to make other arrangements and it became a royal pain in the arse. One excuse which drove us over the brink was I've been on a train today and I need some 'me time'. Now I perfectly understand that being at home and a mum is not easy but that was the final straw. The three of us told her it was no longer working and she'd have to make her own arrangements. I'm all for helping others but sometimes you just feel a mug.

Hope you’ve put your foot down for any future requests OP. As @gymbummysays, that’s a major safeguarding issue for you. Please don’t do it again.

I've just remembered about a woman I met years ago

I was a member of a single parent group (it was a charity) who did a lot in terms of support (friendships,shoes grants,a holiday every 5 years and much more)

She shows up with her child and has an air of 'I'm better than you and I cannot believe I'm reduced to spending time with the great unwashed'

We welcomed her in,thinking this was just nerves

It wasn't and she was the biggest cf I've ever met

She demanded a holiday,and threw a fit when she was told she had to have been a member for a year,it wouldn't be abroad and it certainly wouldn't be a five star/childcare included sort of holiday (she turned her nose up at a caravan style break) she had to provide her own spending money and her boyfriend wouldn't be paid for to go with her

We got a shoe grant if your child was school age and it would cover the cost of a nice but unbranded pair of shoes,anything else and you'd have to top it up yourself

She threw a fit and shouted 'but x only wears start-rite shoes!everyone else can give me a tenner from their grants so I can afford DECENT shoes for x!'

We all refused and she flounced

She came back a few weeks later and tried to tell our kids that they where not to play with any of the toys,only her kid could have first pick and ours where not to touch anything in case he wanted to play with them (we soon put her straight)

She then got a job (that was fab for her) and instead of sorting out childcare,she dumped him off at school and just didn't pick him up at 3:15

She drive up at half past 5 and shouted at the teachers for them telling her that she either picked him up on time or sorted out childcare as they couldn't do it

She had another fit the following day when they put him in the after school club and billed her for it

She genuinely couldnt see why that was a problem-the teachers where her free childcare and that was the end of that

She quit and went back on benefits but signed him up to ballroom dancing lessons

She told us we where to all donate towards his classes,transport and outfits-we all refused and she flounced again

Her car broke down and she tried to demand we all 'help out with the cost' and tried to get the charity to pay for it

She was in debt with her household bills (she just didn't see why she should pay them) and tried to get the charity to pay them off her her,not help her sort a budget which they did and it was very good advice,she wanted them to pay off her debts)

She would hover over our kids when they where trying to eat their lunches,demanding that they shared with x as she hadn't brought him any lunch (we all refused)

If that wasn't bad enough,she'd have bags ans bags of posh clothes she'd bought but couldn't afford to feed him (well posh to us as we would scrape money together to buy charity shop clothes for our lot,she refused to buy from charity shops as 'charity shop clothes are dirty and from dead people')

The volunteers at the group had a word and she flounced again,swearing she'd never come back

The best laugh was,her parents where minted and gave her an allowance every week,on top of her benefits,which was more than the rest of us got in a month

I've never met anyone who was more entitled than her

The group folded not long after as the woman who was paid a good salary to run it had been stealing from the coffers and it couldn't afford to keep going

I’m with the Dad here. Unless the team is an academy or elite level, kids should all be given game time. How are they going to improve otherwise?

You should have the club put in safeguarding rules that prevent this scenario, kids club i volunteer 2 adults must always be present when the children are around and absolutely no lifts for children.