The Brass Neck of It. CF

[Nayyercheekyfeckers]

So, I volunteer for a local football team for kids. Last night the leader asked if anyone could pick up a new boy who was joining the club. He lives a short walk (less than ten mins) from the pitch. It's a few minutes out of my way, but apparently his mother is heavily pregnant and therefore unable to take him. I've never met him or his family before. I foolishly make the assumption that she is very heavily pregnant, doesn't drive and that she either lives alone or her husband works away. I have some sympathy because my husband works abroad so I am currently doing all the childcare, as well as working and volunteering. As a grass roots local club, inclusion is important, so I agree.

I am slightly surprised to show up at a large house with 2 cars on the drive. She confirms that I am ok to drop him back home again and I agree as I can see that she is pregnant, so I assume struggling. Upon enquiring she says that she is due in November, so not for another 2-3 months.
So imagine my surprise, upon returning their son, to find his dad stood on the drive polishing his top of the range Ferrari, having just unloaded his golf clubs!!
The mother answers the door, thanks me but says that she just wants to confirm that I will be continuing to do the lifts from now on.
I declined the offer to be their free taxi service. She was disappointed but said that she would have to contact the leader to see what he could do!

Honestly, I just don't understand. What goes on in some people's heads?? Why would anyone be happy for their young child to go off with someone they had never met before? Why couldn't she walk him there and her husband pick him up? Why couldn't she drive him there? Why couldn't her husband do the lifts? Why couldn't she arrange a lift share? There are a few other boys from the same school and class who attend and live in the same village close by. Why not pay for some wrap around care if you can afford multiple top of the range cars? Why arrange for your child to join a club, sign them up and buy new kit, without knowing how they are going to get there? The mind boggles at this level of cheeky fuckery! The more that I've thought about it, the more audacious it seems and I just needed to vent!

Come share your stories of cheeky fuckery with me.

We had something similar when my child did football. No flash cars or anything just a total disinterest, he only went when the coach took him. He was a lovely lad with crap parents so the coach did it happily.

There’s no limit to some people’s cheek. Some years ago, my manager took on a YTS girl who lived about half a mile from me. She didn’t drive and the bus service was crap. So manager asked if I’d bring her to work with me……..not a problem and it was arranged for me to pick her up at the end of the road. I pulled out of my drive and approached the junction planning on turning left to go to work……she stood on the opposite side of the junction and flatly refused to cross the road, which wasn’t busy by any means. I had no choice but to turn round so she could get her fucking lazy, fat, self centred arse in my passenger seat without stepping onto the road! Only did it once! I’m nobody’s bloody taxi!

when one of mine played football there was one mum who didn’t drive who signed him up but had zero plan for how he would get to matches around the region.
she was constantly asking for lifts for him, initially including her but when people said they didn’t have room she was happy to put him in a car with any random adult.
when people’s potency wore thin we had sob stories of no money (the week after posting saying she was getting a tattoo done so could someone hang into him till she got back) and then one week saying there was a bus strike. one legend of a mum posted the actual strike dates and also the planner for public transport to the match.
she would seek out parents at training to strike up conversations to try and blah lifts.
i never took him because i didn’t know him and did not want to be in a car with a child i did not know and did not know me.
the coaches got roped in and i did remind them that the safeguarding policy for the club said they should not be doing this.
it wasn’t the lads fault at all but the shamelessness of his mum was astounding. there was a dad at home but i don’t know if he drove or was incapable of getting on a bus.

i have similar with another activity for another child where the mum lamented about how hard it was with two parents and one car until i reminded her i was a single parent with 3 kids and one car.
people are insular sometimes and will take the piss. they need standing up to so well done @Nayyercheekyfeckersas they will just carry on if you don’t set your stall early doors

What is YTS?

As others have said, this is a definite no-no from a safeguarding perspective. Your leader should not have asked you to do this.

It’s different if parents agree to help each other out and offer lifts on an informal basis, but as a volunteer at the club, you have safeguarding obligations and you shouldn’t be alone with junior players (even more than one). You would need an extra adult in your car as a minimum.

It might seem like overkill, but my daughter was inappropriately touched by her ‘friendly’ sports coach and the fallout was awful for everybody - my DD, me, club leaders etc. You also don’t want to put yourself in that position. So it would be a hard no from me, noting that obviously they are 100% CFs too !!

youth training scheme

I volunteered for a meal delivery service for a charity that served older people who were alone on holidays. I was assigned a couple who were accepted in the scheme because they were both above 80 years old (the normal recipient was a single older person living alone). The charity requested that you sat with the recipient for a bit to have a chat, maybe 30-60 minutes, to give them a sense of community and connection.

I had to travel across town in a taxi to collect the meals, then back again to their home, and was surprised to find myself arriving at an exclusive apartment block (this was on Thanksgiving, in a major American city). I rang the bell and a servant answered. They escorted me to the wife who was dolled up in a lovely dress; as I unpacked the two meals (one for her, one for her husband) she informed me that she had ordered four (two for the live-in household staff, the maid and someone else). I called the charity who told me that they didn't supply free Thanksgiving meals for household staff. She then walked me to the door to leave, no further conversation as she had her husband and two live-in staff to entertain her!

I'm speechless!

But hang on, the mother was also happy to delegate so they are both as bad as each other. Don’t just blame the man.

Also want to congratulate the OP on the thread title. Haven't heard that saying in years.

'The brass neck of it.'

Off to Google the origins of that saying...

Could have been this one 😄

I recently went on a weeks course to get a professional qualification. A colleague in a different department asked me if I would take her to/ from the venue in my car. It was about 1.5 hours away.

I had to pick her up, and she was never ready. I once text her that I was outside, but she said I wasn’t and needs to move a bit closer to her house. I was literally 3 doors down. I had to babysit her when we arrived early, and wasn’t allowed to look in the shops before coming back. She then bought McDonalds and ate it in my car before being dropped off at her door, leaving the crap behind.

She’s currently giving me evils at work because I’ve booked onto another course and it’s too late to sign up. Apparently I should be inviting her on these courses so I can take her because “how else am I supposed to get there”. Truth is I signed up and kept my gob shut because it’s in a lovely location and I want to enjoy it without her limiting what I do.

When I had young kids, it really opened my eyes to how many CFs are out there! People who just want you to take their kids off their hands for as long as possible, come round for a play date and then say they've suddenly remembered an important appointment and rush off, leaving you with their difficult kid who trashes things, despite that being the reason you asked the parent too! Taking multiple kids to and from activities, giving parties where the parents leave all of their three kids and bugger off so you have to look after everyone as well as organising the party!
It was often mums with older kids who had been through the system already and I really felt like they had seen me coming! It's really sad that this selfishness spoils activities and makes people not want to volunteer their free time. They are saints!

Similar issue with my friend with rugby.
On the group WhatsApp, the bossy wife of the Coach asked my friend to start bringing a new member who lived near her.
She said No, it doesn't suit. She got a tut tut remark about being a team player, good neighbour etc.

She then asked my friends friend and neighbour, who lived nearby. She said ok.

Like you she picked up the boy, to find two cars and apparently the parents were "tired".🙄

She dropped the child home and when asked to commit further, she said absolutely not.
Later that evening bossy woman asked what her problem was, not "obliging" the parents on the group WhatsApp.

My friend saw red, and absolutely laid into her, asked her how dare she hassle busy parents to collect other peoples children, whose parents couldn't be arsed and lecture them.
Who did she think she was doing this on the group WhatsApp.

She would be making a formal complaint about her and had screenshot her lecturing tut tutting.
Complete silence.

My friend did email the club and said she paid for coaching etc., not to be lectured by Coaches wives.
It was blissfully quiet going forward.
My friend got numerous 👏texts from parents.
She had been irritating people for a while.

I was obliging with lifts but absolutely wouldn't tolerate being used or told what I should do by anyone.

I dont mind giving other people's DC lifts sometimes. IMO it's not cheeky to ask for help occasionally, so long as you try & reciprocate...even from people you don't know super well.

BUT. Assuming someone else will do it for you every time, not offering anything in return... ?
AND those who never attempt to help out at volunteer-led activities... all pretty crap behaviour. Obviously a small minority of people genuinely can't help out, but the majority can but choose not to. It's really unfair! I used to help out at DC sports activity, and an after school club - both times very much in the background doing the books. It was a nightmare of people not wanting to pay fees, not wanting to reply to emails, demanding special extras for their child, refusing to help in any way.

Some people are just CFs. Many years ago when I worked in a preschool a mum asked me if I would take her DS, who was 3, home with me and she’d pick him up at tea time! Er, no. I look after your son in the pre school hours. Do I have “mug” tattooed on my forehead? I just laughed, and said, “oh, you’re good “ and walked alway. The only way to deal with CFs is laugh at their nerve and walk away.

Tell the club what happened and that both cheeky fucker parents are available to drop off but they don't want to. If the parents insist on collection then the club should add £10 transport fees to cover the bill. As soon as you mention charging for it, they'll magically turn up.

Cheeky fuckers.

Possibly not entirely relevant to the original post, but prompted by the PP who told the story about meals provided by SS.

I live on an estate for over 60's. Most of the resident's are far older than DH & me and we both support our neighbours regularly visiting for a chat, doing their shopping, their gardens etc. We're also the emergency contact for some of them who have alarms.

We've seen the meals that are delivered to them by SS. Baked potato that is so overdone that there's very little actual potato left & people with dentures can't manage the skins, half a tomato & 2 slices of cucumber as their main meal, ham sandwich for lunch -not so bad, but given to a lady who is Jewish (aged 98, was German, & survived the Holocaust because she was blonde & 'passed' for Aryan with forged papers, she even worked as a secretary for the SS & was able to save many people by 'losing' their records) who has told them more than once that she can't eat pork - she was offered prawns as an alternative. 😱She's yet to be reassured that all dairy products are kosher so won't eat their cheese sandwiches or cheese salads. We're in the darkest SW of England & so Kosher & Halal food isn't a common request, but you'd think that a company employed by the LA would know about these things FFS! Our residents get salads that comprise a few lettuce leaves, half a tomato & a couple of slices of cucumber with grated cheese on the top - again a challenge for an elderly person who has problems chewing & surely not enough calories to constitute a main meal?

DH & me end up making a vat of chicken soup, bolognaise, cottage pies, Homity Pie, Lord Wootton pie etc (all Kosher as I've read up on it, consulted with our neighbour & keep kitchen implements & ingredients separate for the job) & we feed at least 4 elderly people several times a week. These people don't have relatives nearby & need someone to look out for them. SS isn't doing the job so we take up the slack.

However we reap the rewards - we get to hear their stories which are fascinating, sometime sad but often very funny & sometimes rather naughty(!) I also help out at the local primary school helping in their veg garden, listening to children read, looking after the school pets etc and we have plans for some of our residents to visit the school to tell their memories to the children and to answer the children's questions about the 'old days'.

Maybe parents have become more CF in recent years. My DCs are very grown up & have children of their own. But when DH was playing for local rugby club we were both very involved. The men would play & the women would organise how to get the children to/from training & matches. We would have a rota for who was picking up who & when. This was before the days of mobile phones, Whatsapp etc, but it worked. We would also have a <rather informal> rota for bringing our (often pissed) partners home, looking after children in order to allow WAGs to spend time in the club with their partners, taking the injured ones to A&E & cooking the after match meal.

Now that he's been retired for nearly 20 years, DH is recognising how much I did. He's apologised for the time when he turned up very much the worse for wear at 1am after an away game & I'd locked him out, he was throwing stones at the window & says that I was right to chuck a sleeping bag out of the window & suggest that he slept in the garage.

He never got that pissed again. 😂

Not entirely in line with this as directed at us as well as volunteers - but still on the subject of privileged, selfish over-entitled people:

When my DS was younger we enrolled him in a scout group run by volunteers, though in a very well to do area. DS is in a wheelchair with learning difficulties, he had a carer paid for by us to help access for him & push the wheelchair. Despite this and despite all the children being instructed not to touch the wheelchair, one of them did so & was slightly hurt (very slightly - no medical attention needed).

Cue several complaints from other parents to the organisers about the 'unacceptable risk' presented by DS and his wheelchair. They didnt know how to resolve this so asked us if we could wrap masking tape around the wheels of DS chair - we refused to do this and felt we had no choice but to leave the group.

Not that DS was getting much from the group anyway even before this. None of the other little darlings or their DPs bothered with him in the slightest, and when just a couple of weeks later we saw one family from there out and about they blanked us, though they didn't stop their children staring at DS as if he was an exhibit in a zoo.

I volunteered to run a large community event which took months of regular volunteering, meetings, coordination and so much admin, a really significant commitment.
After the event (successful!) someone I didn’t even know at my gym interrupted me while I was working out to “offer feedback” about how the event could have been better, including if I organised some childcare or a mini-crèche (!!!) so that parents like her would find it easier to volunteer! I pointed out to her that I had 3 kids of my own but realised they were my responsibility to manage, and still volunteered! Undeterred she continued with her feedback so I got my phone out to ask for her number so I could make sure I could share the next volunteer committee meeting details with her and asked which role she wanted to do. She got really huffy and said she “was just trying to help”. I snapped back that her actually volunteering was the only help I was interested in from her. CF!!

Similar thing here.

When I worked in a school, a poor lad tripped, hit his mouth and knocked out two front teeth. Rang both parents and both replied they were in a meeting/too busy to come and collect him and could we look after him until school finished? It was only when I told them that time was of the essence regarding saving his teeth, that one of them decided maybe they would come and arrange a dentist visit.

Another incident when a child had also fallen whilst running and put out his arm, resulting in an obvious fracture, I called the parent who informed me, “The school will be hearing from my lawyers” I assume his lawyers told him he would be a fool to pursue a negligence case as there was no come back.

It was a Youth Training Scheme. A training initiative to get school leaders in to work……..now defunct I believe.

If the Coaches wife had texted directly it would be one thing.
But to presume she could lecture parents publicly, and by implication challenge their right to say no to what they do in their own time, in their own car, is presumptuous on a large scale.

My friend snapped back, hard.
It really is the only way to respond to such behaviour IMO.

Every single sport/activity has these stories when you have children.

I remember my older sister on a YTS in John Menzies in early 80's.... £16 per week...😂