The Brass Neck of It. CF

[Nayyercheekyfeckers]

So, I volunteer for a local football team for kids. Last night the leader asked if anyone could pick up a new boy who was joining the club. He lives a short walk (less than ten mins) from the pitch. It's a few minutes out of my way, but apparently his mother is heavily pregnant and therefore unable to take him. I've never met him or his family before. I foolishly make the assumption that she is very heavily pregnant, doesn't drive and that she either lives alone or her husband works away. I have some sympathy because my husband works abroad so I am currently doing all the childcare, as well as working and volunteering. As a grass roots local club, inclusion is important, so I agree.

I am slightly surprised to show up at a large house with 2 cars on the drive. She confirms that I am ok to drop him back home again and I agree as I can see that she is pregnant, so I assume struggling. Upon enquiring she says that she is due in November, so not for another 2-3 months.
So imagine my surprise, upon returning their son, to find his dad stood on the drive polishing his top of the range Ferrari, having just unloaded his golf clubs!!
The mother answers the door, thanks me but says that she just wants to confirm that I will be continuing to do the lifts from now on.
I declined the offer to be their free taxi service. She was disappointed but said that she would have to contact the leader to see what he could do!

Honestly, I just don't understand. What goes on in some people's heads?? Why would anyone be happy for their young child to go off with someone they had never met before? Why couldn't she walk him there and her husband pick him up? Why couldn't she drive him there? Why couldn't her husband do the lifts? Why couldn't she arrange a lift share? There are a few other boys from the same school and class who attend and live in the same village close by. Why not pay for some wrap around care if you can afford multiple top of the range cars? Why arrange for your child to join a club, sign them up and buy new kit, without knowing how they are going to get there? The mind boggles at this level of cheeky fuckery! The more that I've thought about it, the more audacious it seems and I just needed to vent!

Come share your stories of cheeky fuckery with me.

At our local riding club, we had one parent who used to arrange for their child's pony to be brought along by somebody else and then they used to drop the child at the event and leave! The person bringing the pony had not been approached to provide childcare nor had anybody else. This was so the parents could participate in their own hobbies. Of course they gave no thought to what might happen if their child had been involved in an accident - just assumed somebody else would deal with it. Once brought to the attention of the committee it was quickly stamped on so the poor child wasn't able to come as often. CF at its best!

UGH 😡

Why didn’t you point at the gormless dad playing with his car and say, “Can’t he do it?l”
I’m a single mum and I do everything, I work and get my kids to whatever clubs they’ve wanted to do over the years and I have zero fucks left to give when dealing with parents like this. It’s never other single parents, every single parent I know will benefit over backwards to get their kid somewhere. It’s always couples, there are two of them but I used to get, “we have to work, need to get dinner for the other kids, can’t possible fit in the time etc etc” and I just don’t give a fuck anymore. I’m quite happy to point out that they are two parents so one of them can figure it out, I am single parent, I have enough to do and won’t be adding 20 minutes to my night to chauffeur their kid around unless they agree to turn about so we get a week off each.

Unfortunately I've had that happen to me several times. The worst was a mother of a child who I invited to a whole class party. Child was only 5. They were new to the school so i had never met either parents or child before. I said that unfortunately I couldn't as i needed to get to the venue early to set up. She sent her child with someone else instead. The child has severe ADHD. They emptied out all the party bags, filled them with all the cakes/biscuits on the buffet that I had laid out, took icing off the cake, stole stuff, tried to escape and run away multiple times, including from a moving car. The parents have done whatever they can to avoid attending any party that their child is invited to. They don't drive, so are reliant upon lifts. The rest of the parents have said that the child can only attend their child's party if a parent attends too and offers the parent a lift. Every single time a last minute excuse is pulled and some mug of a parent (often me) ends up having to look after the child. It is the most stressful experience (not just for me but the child who gets overwhelmed and has huge meltdowns). Even when parties are held in the church hall opposite their house, they still vanish and we discover that they have gone off home and left the child with us. It's not the child's fault and as parents we don't want them left out, but my god they take the piss. Understandably some parents are now simply excluding the child and won't invite them.

@Nayyercheekyfeckers Dear lord, I'd obliterated that traumatic memory from my mind!! Trying to get volunteers to man the tea urn or help with Presentation Evening...I absolutely feel your pain.

That was a long time ago now. DC grown up and have homes of their own, but I like to volunteer where I can. I volunteered for a museum charity that had been in existence for over 100yrs. We had to wind that up 18 months ago because we didn't have enough members on the committee and, despite having about 50 to 60 people turn up each month for our talks, very vocal people too about how things should be done, not one volunteered to join the committee. There were demands for refreshments, all sorts of stuff, but no one willing to step up. So we were left with me as membership secretary and a chap who was the treasurer. Even the president buggered off! So that was that.

I wish that I had, but i'm utterly gutless unfortunately. I did however, mention it to the leader, and they are going to have words if approached. I am already anxious about the thought of being dropped in it for telling tales. Hats off to you though.

There’s always one…

I can WELL believe what OP says having been involved in organising children’s clubs in the past.

That certainly takes the biscuit! I used to ride as a child and there was certainly lots of entitlement back then. That said, there was also a real disregard for safety too. I used to hack to local shows or take my horse out for hours alone. My parents didn't know where I was and nobody ever asked. Mind you, he was a really lovely bomb proof cob.

We had parents who switched off their phones as soon as the child left the house...

I had one senior pupil who was a bit of a drama queen. On the day of of her mock for our subject, she threw herself across two chairs at the entrance to the exam hall and began to wail "My belly! My belly!"

We ascertained that it wasn't her period and she kept yelling. [Protocol was that we couldn't send her straight to hospital without contacting the family...and she was miraculously cured the next day.]

I tried one emergency contact. No answer. Tried the second. No answer.

Tried the father's work number. No answer.

In desperation, I phoned the office at the mother's work and got hold of her.

A few days later, I received a vitriolic letter from the father in which he said that he was going to complain to the Director of Education about me, since I had contacted his wife at her place of work "as is your wont".

This puzzled me, since I wasn't in the habit of doing that, though I had seen her at work a few times... She was a teacher in one of our feeder primaries.

That was my interpretation. It seemed misogynistic. The dad seemed quite happy to play with his toys, whilst delegating child care to his wife or any other women who will do it.

I can guarantee there’s at least three kids in that club whose parent is busting a gut to get them there, with the right kit and on time. Not complaining, just juggling the 101 balls. They won’t and don’t ask for help, because they do it by the skin of their teeth.

I don’t know where people get the cheek

@Nayyercheekyfeckers

You need to sing this song to yourself when dealing with CF and stop going a damn what they think or how much they complain when told no.

Polishing a Ferrari is definitely a usual hobby round my way. Although Porches and Rangerovers are favoured. My 9 year old Audi is basically a povo car in my area 😂

Does your club not follow very basic child safeguarding principles @Nayyercheekyfeckers ?

YANBU, that’s ridiculous! It’s not uncommon unfortunately. We had all kinds of CF requests from other parents to ferry their kids to sports activities. It’s amazing how many don’t want to get up at 4am to take their kids to swim training!

That's a point. Do people normally polish their own Ferraris or do they get them valeted?

You must know your Ferraris to recognise it was top of the range. Unloading his golf clubs too. What a cliche.

It is extraordinary isn't it. You'd think if they have a Ferrari the ds would be at private school where sport sessions are plentiful and then they wouldn't have to rely on the local kids club.

When it comes to volunteering the astonishing entitlement of parents never ceased to amaze me. My db used to run a kids football team. Did it for years. There was huge expectation. One father approached him to complain that although his son turned up for training every week he hadn't been picked for the matches for a few weeks. Db just said to him ....see that kid over there. he's my son. He attends training every week without fail ...hasn't been picked for the last three matches. Why? because there were others who were playing better at the moment. He keeps coming for training because he enjoys it and he hopes he might be picked next time ...same as your son. Just while we're chatting we could do with more parent volunteers. It's an evening once a week and a match most Saturdays...some away which takes a bit more time. Don't know if you'd be interested? Said pleasantly. Parent hurried quickly away. It's a pity when people like you give up their time op but some parents are so entitled. 😄💐

I used to be part of a group a bit like a younger WI (I didn’t last long). It was a thing to keep trying to recruit new members - and people would and then as I was coming from furthest away and because all the others wouldn’t drive because they couldn’t go a night without a bottle of wine I used to get volunteered. I used to pick up all sorts most of whom didn’t ever come out again. There was one woman that was quite keen on joining - but it turned out she didn’t drive - she just expected me to pick her up for every one.

We had a meeting with another group that was a yearly thing - it was really nice to be fair and either someone entertained at home or a pub was hired etc - there was a buffet with smoked salmon and strawberries and champagne - we all contributed £10 towards this which was more than fair enough. I picked her up for that one and when we got there and everyone was paying she went mad stating she hadn’t been told there was a cost and she hadn’t been expecting to pay anything. I mean it was quite clear in all the correspondence but even so - she was coming out to the pub for food and drink who did she think was paying for her? I should have offered to go in and clean her house when we got back too.

I didn’t last long after that as I just felt put on all the time and it really made me sour about the whole thing. People really are assholes.

My son is autistic so I’ve never really been able to let him go off with other parents and so I’ve gladly avoided the whole children’s lift saga.

I can well believe this. I used to know someone involved in a junior parkrun, i.e. a free fun event for children 4-14, entirely run by volunteers at the local level, involving a timed 2k run. One family were often late but got the kids to do the run anyway, which of course meant their official times were longer than their actual times. The accompanying parent (who never volunteered, of course) approached the Run Director and said that he knew the kids' true times because he'd recorded it on his watch (Strava) so would the RD use those times instead. When the RD said no the parent became abusive and had the gall to come out with some guff about how you only get anything worthwhile if you pay for it. Poor kids.

I vote that "playing with one's car" should become another euphemism for having a wank. As there's clearly not much difference between the two...

Yes, one of the first slides on the safe guarding presentation.

Agree that the assumption of free childcare even at the U7 can be astounding. Also the refusal to understand that it would be great if a wider pool than the normal 2 or 3 could offer to ref/run the line/put the goals away.

I actually don't think that's particularly bad if they didn't know your friend was going to have a full car, although I suppose it depends on ages. I have offered to drive (and when I say I, I mean DH, as I can't drive) neighbours children when we have had parties a distance away, since we are leaving and returning from the same point, it makes sense, and after the age of about seven all parents would be dropping off children so no child would be especially supervised anyway. I wouldn't mind being asked at all, and if it was impossible I'd just say that.

This is terrible. I can well believe it having been a long-standing parkrun volunteer.

I’m taking a break from pr at the moment, partly to do with the entitlement of some people who never volunteer but are just quite demanding with a sense of entitlement.