The Brass Neck of It. CF

[Nayyercheekyfeckers]

So, I volunteer for a local football team for kids. Last night the leader asked if anyone could pick up a new boy who was joining the club. He lives a short walk (less than ten mins) from the pitch. It's a few minutes out of my way, but apparently his mother is heavily pregnant and therefore unable to take him. I've never met him or his family before. I foolishly make the assumption that she is very heavily pregnant, doesn't drive and that she either lives alone or her husband works away. I have some sympathy because my husband works abroad so I am currently doing all the childcare, as well as working and volunteering. As a grass roots local club, inclusion is important, so I agree.

I am slightly surprised to show up at a large house with 2 cars on the drive. She confirms that I am ok to drop him back home again and I agree as I can see that she is pregnant, so I assume struggling. Upon enquiring she says that she is due in November, so not for another 2-3 months.
So imagine my surprise, upon returning their son, to find his dad stood on the drive polishing his top of the range Ferrari, having just unloaded his golf clubs!!
The mother answers the door, thanks me but says that she just wants to confirm that I will be continuing to do the lifts from now on.
I declined the offer to be their free taxi service. She was disappointed but said that she would have to contact the leader to see what he could do!

Honestly, I just don't understand. What goes on in some people's heads?? Why would anyone be happy for their young child to go off with someone they had never met before? Why couldn't she walk him there and her husband pick him up? Why couldn't she drive him there? Why couldn't her husband do the lifts? Why couldn't she arrange a lift share? There are a few other boys from the same school and class who attend and live in the same village close by. Why not pay for some wrap around care if you can afford multiple top of the range cars? Why arrange for your child to join a club, sign them up and buy new kit, without knowing how they are going to get there? The mind boggles at this level of cheeky fuckery! The more that I've thought about it, the more audacious it seems and I just needed to vent!

Come share your stories of cheeky fuckery with me.

I would love to say this didn't happen or it's been exaggerated. But I am sure it all genuinely happened. The entitlement of some people is truly off the scale and good on OP for closing it down

You know you've been married to a golfer for too long when on reading the OP, my first thought was "I'm impressed he can get a set of golf clubs in a Ferrari"!

YANBU OP - some people see clubs / childcare, etc, as a method of outsourcing parenting!

@BernardButlersBra
The op hasn’t come back to clarify the child safeguarding element, There is no reason that a properly functioning club would ask a volunteer to collect a child. It just should not happen and if the op has had even basic understanding or training she would never have offered.

I had a similar scenario a few years ago with DS2. I started lift-sharing to an afterschool activity, but fairly quickly finished up doing it every week. I lived close to the acitvity and I would have had to pick up my youngest from school anyway, and the other mum would have had to dash from work to get there in time. It would have been nice for there not to always be an assumption that I would do it, and the other mum was rather grating on me for other reasons, but I wasn't too bothered.

Until the week that I couldn't manage the drop-off due to an appointment. When I told the other mum that I couldn't do it, she made it very clear that I was inconveniencing her hugely. Apparently she was now relying on me always doing it, so had regular arrangements after work on that day. I said I wasn't too worried about DS2 missing one week, and she grudgingly agreed that would have to happen.

I picked up DS2 from school that day and dashed off to the appointment, dragging all three kids with me. DS1 went to the same activity, but with a later start, and we were done in time to get him there. I arrived to find other child's dad sitting in the cafe waiting for his DS to come out. It turned out that he always finished work in time to do the drop-off, but was happy for me to do it every week. When I couldn't do it this time, he got off his backside and took his own DS - but never offered to take mine, even though that meant he missed the class.

A couple of days later, I told the other mum that I couldn't do it anymore because my arrangements had changed. More huffing and puffing, then she said she and her husband would have to manage between them, but again, this was very clearly an offer to take their own child, not mine. The following week, I turned up at the activity with DS2, as she was arriving with her son. She looked at me. I looked at her. I beamed. She glared. Then never spoke to me again. I got over it.

My kids go to a lot of clubs. Happens all the time. There are always group WhatsApp chats and if someone is struggling for transport, other parents will offer to give a lift. It isn’t the club organising it. They facilitate the message being put out but arrangements are between the parents. You don’t need a DBS check to offer, as a parent, to give another kid a lift and that child’s parents can assess the risk and decide for themselves.

I’ve literally never known a club that doesn’t do this; small local clubs and massive franchise clubs or national chains.

You did a nice thing. That’s good.

When my DC were in primary there was an afterschool event at a different location. A school mum asked if I'd collect her DC from school and take them to the event along with my own DC to which I agreed.
When I got there the mum was already there, seeing my confusion she unashamedly declared that she had wanted to get there early to get a good car parking space and a good spectator seat!
some people really are unbelieve.

The op is a volunteer at the club.She should have been given training.
She is not just a parent involved in dropping and collecting kids.
At least that is my understanding of what she has said.
I am a scout volunteer and also a parent volunteer with a swimming club. We are told never to be alone with a child while we are ‘on duty’ so to speak.

I wouldn’t from a safeguarding point of view. It’s an easy no not permitted. I volunteer with guiding, huge time commitment. Most parents are fine but there’s always odd one.

So sorry. We'd just moved up here and I got used and abused horribly by a local family. The final straw came when the parents said they were working, and couldn't take their child for their vaccination, would I mind taking him with my daughter. I did, and he screamed the place down and was very very upset. I took him straight home and both the Mum and Dad were in, and had 'the afternoon' off. I was furious, I'd been had. I never did anything for them again.

Good for you.

Other parents give lifts but not leaders. If someone needs a lift they’d ask another parent on group chat. I have been asked but just say no it’s not permitted, parent understood. If child accused you of doing something in car you have no witness and there’s the insurance position too.

Yes their parents were maybe unpleasant but you did a nice thing for that child. You should be proud.

My parents used to do this - dump me at shows and head off to the pub, rarely staying to help or watch me. I remember one time I'd won a championship and my dad having a go at me because they'd missed it and one of the other parents absolutely ripped him a new one.

Ah too cheeky. We had it too. Matches miles away and sure "you going anyway". It was take take. They would never share the driving. I dont have it now tg as senior ladies teams most drive themselves.

All this “never be alone with a child” is making me question everything!

One of my son’s is a chess champions and they play all over the country. I got if it’s long distance and overnight but if it’s a day trip then his coach takes him in his car along with the other 2 kids who play at that level.

Both my kids play in a band, which is currently the Scottish champion band for this type of band (so not some rinky dink group… they’re a big deal, with a committee and AGM, contracts, rules of conduct etc). By lucky coincidence, their new conductor is from the same town as us, so when I can’t manage to take them, he does.

My other son is a “mathlete” 🙄🤣 and they have a maths competition in a couple weeks. Their maths teacher is driving the team in his car. Always does.

When the primary school had to select P7 kids to go down to the nearest city for a special music day, both of my kids were chosen when they were in P7. The school picked 4 kids and the head teacher drove them there and back.

Yep, and the ones that never volunteer to help with anything are always the ones that complain. When I was involved in the PTA at the kids' school, there was one particular woman who always had a whine about some aspect of what we'd arranged, and it was always something that would have made the events much more labour intensive for us. Not once in the 10years we both had kids there did she ever volunteer a minute of her time - she was far too busy, didn't we know she was a working mother (exactly the same as all the rest of us)?

Many years ago when DS was in primary school I worked part time and was a single parent with no help or other parent on the scene. My 2 weekdays off were valuable time for myself and for household chores given I was otherwise solo parenting 100% of the time.

A neighbour whose twin DDs went to the same school as DS caught me off guard at the school gate one morning (one of my days off) and asked if I’d have her kids after school that day as she had an urgent work project, her DH was away unexpectedly and it would be a big help as she wouldn’t be able to get it done otherwise. My kid wasn’t especially friendly with her two but I said yes to be nice and also as I couldn’t think of an excuse in time.

Dropped DS, went home and then set off to a women’s group bike ride. Lo and behold, who was also there strapping her helmet on to set off with the group but my neighbour! She did look a bit shame faced but didn’t feel guilty enough to ever offer me a reciprocal favour.

Good to know it was a top of the range Ferrari and not one of their cheapo, lesser models.

Yes I'll be honest I thought all Ferraris were top of the range, I didn't realise some were more basic than others.

They sound like entitled cunts who think it’s someone else’s job to ferry the kid about.

This isn't rare in High Schools, I had a pupil whose family took off early December of Year 11 to go to see family in Australia, returned mid January, not worth going for less time apparently. They expected every teacher would go over in class the work missed for their sprog's benefit. When we refused to disadvantage the rest of Year 11, we were threatened with local papers, Granada etc.
I gave out plastic wallets full of paper, instructions and so on in January for their last piece of course work, we went over the requirements in class and I was available most lunchtimes and a couple of evenings. I ran a couple of sessions in the Easter holiday, the cut-off date being a few days after we returned, for anyone wanting help completing it, this girl turned up with the initial wallet unopened and expected me to almost do it for her. Her mother phoned to complained that I favoured the others, her child, 16, obviously needed my help far more than they did.

@BeltaLodaLife Some teachers will have business use insurance and if it’s multiple kids it’s different.
I’m a volunteer and we have to do safeguarding training. It’s not permitted and I wouldn’t want to be in a 1-1 situation with a child.
Eg they say I touched them, I say I was helping them untwist seatbelt, it’s a very vulnerable position to be in and unnecessary risk.
Another parent will have own child in car too.

But OP had her own kid. I thought, or did I misunderstand? Cause everyone is saying she should not have done this due to safeguarding. But she did it as another parent with a kid at the same club, not a lone adult.

Years ago, when folk music and dancing were very popular, I ran a country dancing club after school (play centres were still a thing then) and I had a collection of records of popular folk dances, some with a caller on the recording, giving instructions.
Two friends in my social circle decided to get wed; friendly, but not close buddies.
As they had so many friends, family and acquaintances, they decided to keep within budget by inviting one and all to the church service, but limiting the number of guests invited to the reception, where there would be the usual meal, toasting and then a dancing session, featuring English country dancing.
I was only invited to the church ceremony, which was absolutely fine; I was friendly enough with both of them, but appreciated that they had a budget to stick to.
It then transpired that they had decided that one of their economies was to avoid hiring a live band. The groom rang me up to ask if they could borrow my personal record collection for the evening part of the "do", to which I was not invited.
Although gobsmacked, I had the wit to apologize (untruthfully but with fingers crossed) that although the records were my personal property, I kept them at school for convenience, safely locked away, and of course, as the summer holidays had just begun, the building was all locked up.
(This was the same wedding where, as previously related, the Morris side were miscued.......)