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Original poster

Informing your husband or seeking permission

86 replies

Naturallyb · 02/09/2025 18:44

I've recently joined mumsnet. I have two questions and wanted to start with this one.

When going away with friends for a weekend, does anyone seek permission or tell/inform their partner/husband that they are going. I tell mine have been going for over 15 years but my husband would like me to seek permission.

OP posts:
TrustedTheWrongFart · 02/09/2025 18:45

I normally word it “any problems if I go away on xxth of October for a weekend?”

Comethefuckonbridget1 · 02/09/2025 18:45

I don’t seek permission per se, but I will say ‘x is happening on x date, does that work for you?’ In terms of childcare etc

Briningitallin · 02/09/2025 18:45

You don’t need his permission, fuck that.

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Families
DramaLlamacchiato · 02/09/2025 18:46

I’d tell him I was going. If my husband tried to assert I needed permission from him to do anything (he wouldn’t) I’d piss myself laughing

random123456 · 02/09/2025 18:46

Neither. I'd discuss it, e.g. I'm looking at going away xx dates, would that be ok?

not seeking permission as such, but checking in that there's nothing I've forgotten about or need to think about before booking

Indianajet · 02/09/2025 18:46

I would discuss any plans, to make sure there was no problem with childcare if appropriate.

DramaLlamacchiato · 02/09/2025 18:47

To add - my kids are grown up now. When they still needed childcare I’d have checked he didnt have anything on

LavenderBlue19 · 02/09/2025 18:48

Pre-child, inform. Now we have a child, check in to make sure it's ok.

PrincessC0nsuelaBananaHammock · 02/09/2025 18:48

Permission? Hmm

Original poster
Naturallyb · 02/09/2025 18:49

All very helpful. All my kids are grown up. So I say I'm going away xyz date.

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 02/09/2025 18:50

Hi Love, X has suggested we go to Y for the weekend. We were thinking weekend of 25th, that ok with you?

Mrsttcno1 · 02/09/2025 18:51

Depends on stage of life.

When it was just me and my husband I’d just let him know, it made no difference to him whatsoever really, me going away didn’t require any extra work, hassle or effort from him, so just letting him know (and vice versa) totally fine.

Now that we have a dog, a toddler and soon to have our second child, we both very much ask/check beforehand because one of us being gone means the other one has a whole lot more added to their plate for however long it may be. I wouldn’t be happy if he just told me he was going away now without discussing first & vice versa I wouldn’t do that to him.

SwirlyWhirls · 02/09/2025 18:51

random123456 · 02/09/2025 18:46

Neither. I'd discuss it, e.g. I'm looking at going away xx dates, would that be ok?

not seeking permission as such, but checking in that there's nothing I've forgotten about or need to think about before booking

Same. And we don’t have kids so it’s not about childcare for us.

Poppins2016 · 02/09/2025 18:53

Pre children it would be more like telling DH (but I would still double check in case there's something I'd forgotten about that might clash).

Now that we have children, I'd check that he's available and happy to do childcare, but it's not a question of asking permission (it's simply about checking that DH is available to parent when I'm out and there are no clashes, e.g. work). We're both happy for each other to go out.

indoorplantqueen · 02/09/2025 18:53

I don’t seek permission, but will say ‘the girls are organising a weekend away for X’s birthday on 3rd May. Is that date ok with you?’. We have a dc though that needs looking after. Pre dc id have just said ‘im going away on x date with xx’. Prob do the same when dc is older.

mummysmagicmedicine · 02/09/2025 18:54

I normally say something along the lines of: “oh btw I’m going out with x on Saturday x, is that alright?” More meaning is that alright incase he also had something important at the exact same time and couldn’t look after the kids.

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 02/09/2025 18:54

'Sharon and I were talking about going to x, it would be y dates, do we have anything else on?'

persisted · 02/09/2025 18:55

I tell him, and he would tell me.
I don’t need permission. If he told me I did he’d get told to fuck off after I finished laughing.
Nothing that needs taking care of here.

Dabberlocks · 02/09/2025 18:55

Yes I'm with @Hoppinggreen - it's just confirming the date beforehand rather than telling them once it is already arranged.

Asking for permission? Stuff that. He's not your boss authorising time off.

MoonKiss · 02/09/2025 18:55

We’d usually run it by each other but last time I arranged a weekend with mates he didn’t pick up the message until after we’d booked the flights (we got a good deal so just went for it). Our kids are teenagers, so there’s no need for an adult to be at home all the time.

Iamthemoom · 02/09/2025 19:02

😂 What is this? The 1800s? If I needed ‘permission’ for anything from DH I wouldn’t be married to him!

SummerFrog25 · 02/09/2025 19:02

@Naturallyb

Why on earth does he think you need to ask permission? Or is that just your interpretation of what he's actually said?

EffectivelyDecluttering · 02/09/2025 19:04

No to permission, it would just be “we’re planning to go away for the weekend xyz dates, is there anything else on that weekend?” and maybe a discussion about cost or any other commitments that might be affected.

Slightyamusedandsilly · 02/09/2025 19:05

Depends if it's a checking in if there is anything else booked, if he's OK to look after the kids etc.

I wouldn't beg for permission, but just like I'd expect him to check in with me first before booking anything, I'd expect to do that with him.

It's common courtesy.

momager1 · 02/09/2025 19:07

Nope don't ask PERMISSION, but as my husband handles the finances (that I have full access too, but he invests alot of anything left over monthly) We are early retired with no pensions yet, so living off interest from our savings, as to not deplete them. I said recently, Hey, I want to fly up to Canada and I can go budget airline no luggage going up, but I need a suitcase coming back as it will be a shopping trip as I need alot of new clothes. Can we afford it ok? . I leave on Saturday for 2 weeks with our kids and grandmonsters. If he had of said, sorry not in the budget right now, I would have respected that, but permission.. fuck that.