Informing your husband or seeking permission

[Naturallyb]

I've recently joined mumsnet. I have two questions and wanted to start with this one.

When going away with friends for a weekend, does anyone seek permission or tell/inform their partner/husband that they are going. I tell mine have been going for over 15 years but my husband would like me to seek permission.

When the kids were little, I guess I was sort of asking/checking that was ok.

Kids are teens now so I just say I’m away/out on x date.

My kids are adults so I would just say ‘I am planning to be away xxxxx does that suit you’. I would never ask permission- he isn’t my keeper!!

I used to say 'I'm planning on going away from x to y date. Are you going to be around?'

He never once asked me if his business trips abroad (many of which had a few days holiday attached) were convenient.

When the DCs were little and I was away (for a funeral) he asked my friend what to do with the DCs because he had a checkup at the dentist. She told him to take them along or rearrange the appointment. I think he wanted her to babysit.

Before kids, I’d of told DH “oh the girls and I have arranged a weekend away on a these dates, doesn’t clash with any thing we’ve got planned already does it?” And he’d do the same with me. Now with a 2 year old and a soon to be newborn, it’s not permission it’s discussing logistics of parenting on their own so would be more like “girls want to go away such and such weekend, are you able to take Friday and/or Monday off?” He's his own boss so it’s never a problem but no, neither of us ask for permission. We just discuss it/dates etc.

I'm your age.

I live alone, if would take someone incredible to be a better option than that!

I understand it could be very hard to leave when you have been together do long, but it sounds as though he's been 'insert negative words if your choice' for a long time. Even though you've had hood times you no doubt.

don't look at the years as 'wasted'. But don't keg the sunken cost fallacy keep you there!

mh advice would be to get out now & live your life as BEST you can, don't grieve for what could have.should have been.

I had a stroke earlier in the year & it's properly fucked my plans up! You never know what's around the corner so don't put. It off & don't waste any more if YOUR life with him would be my advice

yes, being completely honest, there have been times since the stroke where it would have been nice to have a partner, but ask yourself, if it were you, what would he really be like?? I'm guessing useless!

I would normally phrase it as “do you mind if…” which really means I’m checking I’ve not forgotten about any prior engagements. It’s just a courtesy. I’d get the shock of my life if he said he did mind! 🤣

I’ll discuss it more from a “can we afford it” perspective but I don’t ask permission as such.

My parents are completely bemused by the fact that dh “lets you go away so often”. It wouldn’t have been the done thing in their day.

@SummerFrog25 , so sorry to read about your stroke. I hope you're making a good recovery. And thank you to you and everyone.

Only cause for worry if your partner uses the word “permission”, as in “you should have asked permission”.

My partner used to say “I should have made you buy milk”. Nobody makes me do anything. I don’t mind being asked to buy milk. It might only be words, but it can be important to have boundaries with words.

Does he want you to ask “May I go away with my friends, good husband?”
I wonder what his answer would be.
I’ve never asked permission from my husband for anything. He doesn’t have authority over me.
I will of course, inform him of plans and re-jig if it doesn’t suit for one reason or another.

Thanks. Yes & No to a good recovery, long story. But I'm more worried about you! Keep posting ok xx