DP lost her job

[Alysskea]

Just need to dump this somewhere as I feel like friends/family are sick of hearing from me.

DP has lost her job. I won’t go into the details but it was due to exceptionally poor management. She is not to blame.

We have a 2 year old, childcare fees and a mortgage. My income leaves us £1000 a month short assuming no non-essential spending, no new shoes for DD etc.

We have modest savings but by my account every day she is unemployed these go down by £30.

Yes she’s applying for jobs but there are no guarantees. What the fuck are we going to do if she can’t get one. What do people do??? Sell my house and move into one room at my mums on the other side of the country? Sell it and try to find a flat? Most cost more to rent than my mortgage.

I am trying to be a supportive partner and good parent but all I can think about is that the rug is just getting pulled from underneath me.

Amazon delivery driver job? Actually paid alright, flexible, available. Friend just started this.

Why hasn’t she applied for JSA already? Seems you are doing all the worrying.
I was out of work this year and got a temp job before I ever got any JSA but made sure I applied straight away.

She has to be proactive in this, it is a tough job market right now but if your DC is in nursery she has plenty of time to apply for anything & everything. Prioritise job seekers and recruitment agencies

Please be nice.

Life is too short and precious to stay in an abusive relationship for financial reasons OP. Someone upthread suggested a lodger. I would look into that.

I was very recently in a similar situation but my partner was at fault over the loss of his job and I don’t work at all as I take care of our special needs child. So it was very stressful. We also had a holiday planned that was paid for.

During his unemployment our friend told me her husband had been unemployed for an entire year. He burnt out at work and resigned. They have three children. I asked how she coped financially and she says she doesn’t even remember. She worked and he looked after the kids.

It took my partner 6 weeks for him to find another job. He went to interviews but wouldn’t even hear back. We were looking at him moving away for work.

He did find a new job and it suits him a lot better.

My cousin’s husband has been unemployed for months. My sister in laws husband has cycled through so many jobs. He did contracting work but not all of the jobs were contracting and he was constantly getting new jobs. They never mentioned him being unemployed they just announced when he had started somewhere else.

A lot of people I know have gone through unemployment. My dad was unemployed during a recession which forced us to move cities for work. I was unemployed during that same recession and it took me a good four months to find a job.

It’s tough but you will get through it. You aren’t married so it will be easier for your partner to get benefits. She can even move away for short term contract work if it comes to that. Basically, there are possibilities that will present themself and you will be ok.

She needs to register for financial assistance.

I’m assuming she’s getting a pay out? My partner got a pay out (only small) so he didn’t register for benefits as the focus was just on getting a job.

OP is this a one off or was it due to a long standing condition or disability ? If she could be considered disabled under the Equality Act 2010 she would have protected characteristics from day one of employment and might be able to take action against them.

You will still be entitled to you 30 hours a week until January. It's called a grace period to help people find a new job or if circumstances change. Speak to the nursery about reducing hours temporarily until she finds a new job. A childminder maybe able to offer you a better rate to a nursery. Just possible options.

Please put yourself first - your previous posts are heartbreaking. She’s abusive. She allowed you to struggle to the point of exhaustion with her refusal to share any night feeds. She criticises and threatens you. She checks your text messages. She does not take parenting responsibility. Where is her worry about contributing to the household financially? She should have applied for JSA and gone looking for any job - minimum wage.
Please seek legal advice and get out of this relationship. As a PP said her behaviour is likely to have spilled over into work and hence her manager was quick to fire her due to sick leave. What is her job history like? Has she ever held down a job or does she always struggle with being held accountable or told what to do?

This Op. Please if you are still reading reach back out to friends and family.
If my friend disclosed what you had about all this abuse and controlling behaviour and then 3 months later said her DP lost job and it wasn’t her fault etc I would naturally see this as all part of a pattern of behaviour. Because it is Op.
Can your family support you? If your DP is biological parent but you went on birth certificate you will have rights.

People on here are not trying to be mean by bringing up old posts - they are actually trying to understand the big picture and help you.

👆this

Why are you paying for childcare? If shes not working then she needs to look after child while looking for work, that will save you nearly a grand a month.

She can apply for job seekers allowance
Her National Insurance contributions will also be paid while she is not working

Apply here

https://www.gov.uk/jobseekers-allowance

Definitely worth claiming New style JSA assuming she has paid sufficient NI credits. It's only £92 a week but every little helps.

For now she needs to get on LinkedIn to look for jobs and do an ‘open to work’ post to her network. Start claiming for benefits, take a mortgage holiday. Has she said anything about how she plans to financially contribute?

You need to think about your mental health and your child. When things get better financially - that’s if a PP is wrong about your DP planning on you being the sole earner - then go and see a solicitor about your legal position regarding the house, custody and - potentially - separating. Actually, in your shoes, I’d be tempted to get a 0% interest credit card and pay the solicitor for that hour via the card. Also start strengthening your support network.

I'm sorry to ask this but are you both legal parents or guardians of your child? If not, why are you bending over backwards to fix all this persons problems when they don't seem like a very good partner to you.
Don't pour all yourself into fixing someone else's problems, when they don't really seem like they care about you.
I recognised your username from the cafe thread about being excluded by other mums. You seem quite naive and eager to please other people so I worry you're putting other people's wants over your needs. It never ends well.

Is it worth talking to a local domestic violence or women's aid charity to talk through your housing and financial options, either within or without this partner?

I have lived in chaotic households and living peacefully either alone or waiting to find a partner who respects you, is worth so much more than saving a bit of money splitting rent / mortgage with a dickhead who makes life hell. You can choose to change your life. You don't have to be stuck with a bad partner just because you've made it this far with them.

What do you mean "if needed"? Apply for JSA straight away. She is entitled to it.

Take any job in the meantime, receptionist, waitress, cleaner.

Exactly.

Clearly this has been swept under the carpet, but fact remains - this partner is horrible.

OP… this partner is not not just horrible but also completely financially dependent on you (and going by what you describe, I’d hedge a bet that her being sacked is very much her “fault”). See the bigger picture - this is no environment for a child to grow up in. This is no way for you to live. Make the leap. You’ll be fine, you have a job!

@BitterTits ”ups and downs”

would you say that to your daughter if she came to you with this information about her partner?

Okay, OP. Things seem to have taken a turn.

Your partner needs to take anything - I don’t know about where you are but my local NHS trust is always hiring admin staff, so is that an option? She can sign up to an agency, just keep searching and take anything that comes up.

You need to relax. They can apply for a retail / service / fast food etc kind of job that’s easy to get while searching for a longer term job.

They need to apply for job seekers in the meantime.

No it’s not ideal - but bills need to be paid.

Yes exactly this!! Could get a job tomorrow and then a year til we have childcare again

We’re both the legal parent. And as this post says, I’m financially dependent on her because I can’t seem to scrape enough to live on my job alone.

I wish I’d got a different degree or whatever and had a higher paying profession but I don’t. Whatever way I look at it I’m short money, which is why I’ve not just whisked my daughter away. That and we are legally both the parent.

It's horrible atm, but it will be OK.

She should be able to claim JSA, which will plug your gap for a while.

She needs to treat applying for work as a full time job.

When DH and I both lost our jobs in the same week (!) I had a clear out and put a load of stuff on Ebay. It's amazing what people will buy, and it was a way of making me feel a little bit in control.