DP lost her job

[Alysskea]

Just need to dump this somewhere as I feel like friends/family are sick of hearing from me.

DP has lost her job. I won’t go into the details but it was due to exceptionally poor management. She is not to blame.

We have a 2 year old, childcare fees and a mortgage. My income leaves us £1000 a month short assuming no non-essential spending, no new shoes for DD etc.

We have modest savings but by my account every day she is unemployed these go down by £30.

Yes she’s applying for jobs but there are no guarantees. What the fuck are we going to do if she can’t get one. What do people do??? Sell my house and move into one room at my mums on the other side of the country? Sell it and try to find a flat? Most cost more to rent than my mortgage.

I am trying to be a supportive partner and good parent but all I can think about is that the rug is just getting pulled from underneath me.

It’s not totally unreasonable to bring up old posts but a bit mean when I’m feeling down.

we have massively improved things in the relationship and these behaviours have reduced but no it’s not perfect.

but one of the main things keeping me here has been FINANCIAL so I’m still in the same shit really

Childcare must form a huge chunk of that £1,000 deficit, surely you cancel that immediately to give yourselves breathing space. Not sure what your DP does for work, but the market is tough in many sectors so it may take her a few months to find a new job and you’ll have spent unnecessarily on childcare.

Op my point is… she was abusive and lazy months ago and now she’s been sacked.

I mean… maybe it’s time to think seriously about this person

Can you move your DD into your bedroom and rent her room out? You can specify weekdays only, so you have the place to yourself at the weekends.

You'll get an idea of how much you can charge by checking rental listings for your area, but could get £400-600 a month, depending on where you are.

Even if you're place is small with shared bathroom etc, you'll get someone, especially students, if you set the right price.

Can you cut down a couple of days a week in nursery, on a temp basis even? No harm in asking.

You say that financial reasons a factor for staying in the relationship - could you see if you could manage without her, as the financial incentive is gone.

Your partner can apply for JSA from the moment she became unemployed and she can apply online. She should do it asap as the first payment amount is assessed & backdated from the date of application

Good luck to both of you 🙏

You need to cut your cloth. You don't need child care right now, so she needs to looks after your DC.

Thank you this is helpful and a good start!

The problem is, you cancel childcare and then get offered a job the next day, but now youve lost your nursery place and waiting lists are full bc of the new funded hours.

Its catch 22

Can you rent out a room until she gets a job, if you have no spare room can the baby sleep in your room and rent that room out……anything is better than having to sell the house,

Can you cut down the days at nursery? Would that keep you top of the list for adding those days back?

First step is get her to sign on! Everyone needs a bit of help every now and again, there is no shame in it. Can you take a mortgage break? That would certainly help to relieve the pressure on you whilst she finds a new job. You say the shortfall is £1000 minimum per month. Can she just take anything for now, whilst she looks for something in her field with better pay? Something is better than nothing and she does need to pull her weight, especially if you cannot pull DC out of childcare.

Op you have done a number of posts recently and the one in May was pretty bad with your Dp being abusive and likely having MH issues.
It is pretty easy to get a job for £1000 a month. It’s not even full time minimum wage. Your DP can and should go do this. But based on previous posts it sounds like an awful lot more going on here and likely your DP won’t.
You don’t have to be your DP verbal punch bad and MH support animal. It is ok to say enough is enough.

Op this is what you wrote in may

Shes always had trouble with temper tantrums, but nowadays it’s just every day. Shouting and swearing at me. I think I could deal with it if she ever apologised but if I bring it up it becomes a conversation about how horrible I am, how useless I am. She cries and says I make her want to kill herself.

You finished by saying you were so miserable.

Honestly do you want this relationship?

Why on earth would you say this ? How unpleasant

Two years service unless it’s discrimination (protected characteristic), whistleblowing, raising a health & safety concern or exercising a statutory right (eg to strike).

Want to share your finances, so the Mumsnet collective can help you cut costs?

Food: Aldi once a week, basics only £50/week
Cut all direct debit subscriptions
Cut childcare

How long was she working for the employer and what was their reason for dismissal?

This has already been answered

Read Ops previous posts. Her partner has temper tantrums and is verbally abusive and manipulative. I would quite imagine some of this spilled into work. Poor Op needs to leave but seems incapable. I hope she will if she is still living like this with threats of suicide snd everything being her fault

I dont know how much you earn and im not going to pry but if its under 50k then you will be entitled to help with childcare through universal credit. Use the entitled to benefits calculator to find out.

If you earn over 50k

Option B is temporarily suspend childcare until she gets another job drop down to free hours only, to keep the places in your chosen nursery.

3rdly if you have decent credit take out a large loan and combine all of your debt that has interest to 1 loan spread over 5 years.

If this won't work, but you can get 0% credit card move all debt onto those and spread the payments over the interest free period this should free up some monthly income aswell as save you on interest.

This is a blip nothing more, you will recover probably within 12 months

Take out the government mortgage charter scheme. Most banks do it. You can switch to interest free on your mortgage for six months. No impact on credit rating. It was introduced during covid. Your interest will go up after six months but should help in the meantime.

Contact the childcare place & ask for a exemption based on job loss & also the bank of you owe your place for a break.

Based on that post in May and the fact you (OP)mentioned that there are still childcare costs, sounds to me that you know she is not keen to take care of the child during the day while unemployed.
While I thought initially it was rude of someone to drag out an old post of yours - unfortunately it is quite relevant.

A person that doesn't cover any of their child's wake ups and doesn't play with her and is scrolling down the phone instead on regular basis - forgive me for saying but doesn't sound like a great parent.
Is this why you are not taking any steps towards ending this relationship - being worried that the child would end up with her ? (as the law prefers mums unless something crazy is going on)

Honestly - you should talk to some of the DV groups, I am worried you may be now manipulated into being a sole earner on purpose.
I really hate saying that as you did mention hospital and all - but something just doesn't seem right here.

Btw, the obvious answer to your question is drop the childcare costs as the mum is now at home - but that's not an option really, isn't it?

I agree with other posters, she needs to take anything. I have two friends, a couple, and their industry was destroyed by covid and then the writers strike. They had no work in their industry for two and a half years. One went into teaching at colleges and workshops, the other was a delivery driver. Now their industry is back to normal one teaches occasionally and the other quit delivery driving with a weeks notice and went back to his usual work.

can your other half take anything/ have a skill she can teach/ freelance? With freelancing she needs to set her rate high from the off, set a minumum no days, paid within 30 days, and contact everyone she has ever met to tell them she is freelancing. I did the latter and it worked and I have not looked back. Failing that can she temp at an office job? Temp work often pays weekly, can she submit her cv to Kelly Services and the like?

Do not wait to apply for JSA. It looks bad, and they already deduct time from your application before payments start so there’s no point waiting, Apply immediately, go through the motions and at least collect the NIC stamp so her state pension eligibility isn’t impacted.

Claim new style jsa, it’s what it’s for