Would he be on probation for this?

[Downtoyou]

I have been seeing a new man for about 2 months, everything has been going well so far, but now there is a red flag. He has told me that he had a 2-year court battle with his ex over custody of their 10 year old daughter. He sees his daughter every other weekend, and when his ex needs him to have her, and has her more over the school holidays. I have not met his daughter.

Last week he received a letter from the HM Prison & Probation Service instructing him to attend a keeping in touch appointment. The letter explained that the appointment was to discuss recent information shared by a third party. He explained that he is still on probation from the court case and is now worried they could stop him seeing his daughter.

Does this sound true?
He says his ex just refused to let him see his daughter and he has spent thousands trying to get her back and won his case. He has been open with me about the letter but I'm just not convinced there isn't more to this. I was under the impression you went on probation after being sentenced for a crime, is that right?

I am thinking about putting in a Claire's Law application, would they share this information?

He doesn’t sound too bright! It’s a good job you were on the ball with this, well done!

I know, my first question was, 'why are you on probation?!'

He would NOT be on probation for a family court case. He must have been convicted of a criminal offence. I second making a Claire's Law application.

God, just seen your update. Lucky escape!

I have ended it with him tonight over the phone. I have since had to block him as he turned really nasty with name calling and telling me I had wasted his time.

Please make sure you still do the request despite ending it.

With his reaction you need to be sure you don't need to take any further safety precautions.

Goodness, you dodged a bullet there.

You've done the right thing, ending it.

Are you still going to do the CL and SL request? If you do, tell the police that this man turned nasty and abusive on you. What you say may be added to a future disclosure.

Choose better next time!

I would suggest you still do a Claire's Law request, given his reaction to you ending the relationship. He may have previous for aggressive/violent behaviour and/or stalking. You need to make sure you protect yourself. My friend had to do a Claire's Law request and she'd split up with the man involved, the police provided information of previous incidents in his past, all involving ex partners. He was a charming man on the surface, but underneath he was a nasty piece of work. He ended up stalking her, sending 100's of messages, turning up at her house - she reported him and he was convicted - no prison sentence but he now has a criminal conviction and it's all on record.

Come on. She's only known him 8 weeks and she's ended it now.

It wasn't her fault he turned out to be a wrong 'un.

Yes, you as a victim should change your behaviour, it’s all on you 🙄

Well done for ending it. I'm glad you did as Claire's law can take ages and I think you had enough info to go on, with his behaviour after being confirmation that you were right.

I read this because I wondered if it was someone I knew, but of course there are loads out there all with the same story/excuses and can be lovely and charming one minute, then turn in a second, then go back to apologising and wheedling.

If he continues to harass you please let the police know.

She’s doing exactly what she should be doing.

Victim blaming!!

Thank you to those who have left constructive comments. I called 101 and have an appointment this week to do a CL application. We have a holiday booked in a few weeks (I know, red flag booking a holiday so soon! He 'surprised' me with it) and so I don't think I have heard the end of him. He has been messaging my sister trying to get her to pass on his apologies to me, and then was nasty to her when she refused.

I lost my son to cancer last year, I have posts about his loss on here. This is the first relationship I have had since then and getting divorced and I just didn't see the red flags.

Sorry to heat about your son.

Well done for acting so fast with your suspicions and taking the advice given. Hopefully CL will let you know anything you need to know but report him if he carries on harassing and abusing you.

Well done for taking swift action. I hope he doesn’t become an issue but definitely follow through with the CL.

Well done for taking swift action. I hope he doesn’t become an issue but definitely follow through with the CL.

I'm very sorry to hear about your son @Downtoyou

but you did see the red flags and then acted swiftly - you’ve not done anything wrong.

Good on you for advocating for yourself.
so sorry about your son. You’ve clearly been through a great deal x

Oh op xx What a shitty man! Hopefully, you dont hear from him again

Well done OP. Sending strength and thoughts to you

You did see the red flags and you’ve acted upon them. I am so sorry very for your loss.

Super helpful 🙄. @Downtoyou had no reason to consider there was an issue and as soon as she found out she took action to end the relations. She isn’t bloody psychic so leave off.

Run

As fast as you can xxxx

So sorry op

Do not have any further contact re anything

Lucky escape xxxx