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Original poster

Neighbour now being off..

79 replies

pittypartay · 30/08/2025 14:38

Lived in our house 5 years now. We’re a family of 4 with primary aged kids and they’re a retired couple in their late 70s/early 80s.

When we moved in we were very pleasant to them, and they were extremely friendly back. TBH it felt a bit suffocating, and they would knock our door if they hadn’t seen us all weekend type thing. We felt they were a bit relaxed with us, telling us all the details of every aspect of their lives and in turn asking us millions of questions about ours, where we grew up, how our relationship is with our family etc, it felt intrusive.

Over time DH and I pulled away, but we’re always friendly when we needed to be. We tried to be busy but never rude type thing.
Luckily the door knocks stopped and the million questions stopped, but we still had to not give too much or they would start falling back into their old ways. It’s felt like we’ve had to manage the situation in some ways, but it was working and we have felt much more comfortable with the relationship.

However since the last couple of months (it was the man’s 80th but we didn’t know what day and didn’t really think to buy him a card or present), it seems they have really taken offence and now blank us. WWYD? We’re tempted to just accept this as it feels a bit easier but at the same time it feels a bit odd that they now don’t like us at all!

OP posts:

Cherrysoup · 30/08/2025 14:41

Accept it! We had an elderly neighbour and frankly, I became suffocated with the attention and my Dh wanting to host her for drinks/dinner. She had family nearby who regularly visited, we checked in and were always available but I prefer not to have to socialise sometimes. I therefore wouldn’t be too bothered. Do they ever have family visiting?

Original poster

pittypartay · 30/08/2025 14:59

Yes they have a lot of family and friends. They are extremely friendly people.
We’re making the most of the situation but equally feeling really awkward about it all now. We’ve tried to keep it friendly but they seem to want to make a point.

OP posts:

yellowbuzzybee · 30/08/2025 15:06

When they go low, you go high - say hello when you pass them as normal and act like you don’t realise there is a change in their behaviour. That will eat at them as they are trying to prove a point! Ultimately you won, they aren’t being overbearing anymore!

Lurkingandlearning · 30/08/2025 15:23

Do they actually ignore you when you speak to them?

Friendlygingercat · 30/08/2025 15:34

I really think you have dodged a bullet so be grateful. At least they are not imposing themselves on you any more. Ask yourself what they contributed to your life? You dont have to feel guilty for asserting your boundaries.

I once got myself into a real pickle by being too kind. I helped a neighbour (fortunately not an immediate neighbour) to fill up her DLA form. She took real advantage and began to ask further favours such as could I pick up XX from the shops, phone the council, take a parcel to the post office and so on. All this time I was myself developing mobility issues and working full time. I also had no car. Whereas her lazy son was sat at home on his ass and a car sitting outside. When I went away on holiday (wthout telling her) she was round at my home looking for someone to do her favours. A family member was looking after the house. He gave her down the banks for pestering me and told her not to call again. That scared her off and I scarcely saw her after that. I guess she must have got her claws into someone else.

verycloakanddaggers · 30/08/2025 15:41

Just accept it. They're allowed to withdraw if they wish.

Also - you've put yourself at the centre of this story, but it might actually not be about you. Maybe they've had some bad news for example.

HelplessSoul · 30/08/2025 15:44

Fuck em.

They've lived their lives - now is the time for you to live yours.

Blank them back and dont give them a seconds thought. Fuck em. Life is too short to pander to twats like that, age be damned.

Endofyear · 30/08/2025 16:23

I wouldn't worry about it - it's possible they are offended by the lack of birthday card 🙄 some people are weird like that!

I would just say 'morning' or whatever when you see them and if they ignore you that's on them.

We had neighbours who would literally look the other way if we saw them outside the house - as soon as they moved in, they put up huge fences front and back. We used to laugh and call it the compound and joke that they were running a cult there 😂 the only signs of life were them showering 5 or 6 times a day (their bathroom window was right next to our back door) which again seemed a little weird. Thankfully they moved and we've got lovely neighbours now who are friendly but not intrusive. We never got to the bottom of why previous neighbours didn't like us 🫤 we've always got on well with our neighbours and never had this before!

Original poster

pittypartay · 30/08/2025 16:30

I think it was the birthday card tbh, they buy our kids birthday and Christmas presents every year which I always find a bit much, of course very generous and nice, but it’s always felt that they knock the door, to hand over the present, to then ask another million questions.

My parents fed our cat recently when we had a night away and they ignored my parents too, they used to be on them like a ton of bricks as well.

OP posts:

summershere99 · 30/08/2025 20:19

I think they’ve got the hint that you don’t want to be friends / know them in anything other than a superficial way…they’re just matching your energy so you should feel
pleased they got the message and let them be.

Minniliscious · 30/08/2025 22:06

We had the exact same thing with elderly neighbours. They were overly intrusive and constantly knocking on the door. We could never just say a quick “Hello” if they saw us as they’d excessively chat without pausing for breath.

It probably sounds stupid but I started to get horribly stressed every time I left my house or come home in case they were out the front. We’d wait for their car to leave sometimes before we even took the bins out! It was no way to live.

Then one day they just started blanking us! As lovely as it was (oh and it was), it was baffling. Also annoying as they’d intruded on us for so long and we’d always been polite when we really hadn’t wanted to be. Turned out that we could’ve just been rude in the first place and avoided all the intrusion!

They've moved now and I’ll always cherish the freedom of not having such nosy bastard neighbours anymore!

Namenamchange · 31/08/2025 13:29

Surely they have just stepped back, like you have stepped back. You were civil and polite, and didn’t want a deeper relationship and now they have worked that out, so are being the same to you.

Jellywife · 31/08/2025 13:34

Occam’s razor: your DH has made a pass at one of them. LTB.

Mumofboys100 · 31/08/2025 13:35

We had a similar incident to this - we now don’t speak to each other at all. It was a bit awkward initially if we both came in/out at the same time, but now it’s just the way things are and we’re much happier without the constant questions/knocking at the door.

brunettemic · 31/08/2025 13:35

So they spoke to you too much and you didn’t like and now you don’t like that they’re not speaking to you.

SomeOfTheTrouble · 31/08/2025 13:39

This is a lot of angst over a relationship with people you didn’t really want a relationship with anyway. It sounds like you want everything exactly on your terms. They obviously realised you didn’t want to be friends, so they’ve stopped trying to be friends.
Just say hello politely when you see them, and leave it at that.

Tablesandchairs23 · 31/08/2025 13:47

Carry on as you are and enjoy the peace.

EaglesWings · 31/08/2025 13:47

To be honest they do sound quite intrusive, but with everything you said, I’m amazed you accepted Christmas & birthday presents from them and enjoyed their generosity.
Based on this alone, even if you were trying to maintain a distance I would have expected an 80th birthday card and small token gift, even just a bottle of wine.

Katflapkit · 31/08/2025 13:49

HelplessSoul · 30/08/2025 15:44

Fuck em.

They've lived their lives - now is the time for you to live yours.

Blank them back and dont give them a seconds thought. Fuck em. Life is too short to pander to twats like that, age be damned.

Aren't you a charmer

ScoldsBridal · 31/08/2025 13:50

We’re on friendly-ish terms with our immediate neighbours - they get Xmas cards and an hello if we’re out front the same time. I feel slightly sorry for your neighbours if they’ve been buying birthday and Christmas presents for your kids. I understand how it has become overbearing though. Personally I would probably have stuck a card through the door if it was obvious to you it was a ‘big’ birthday.

They maybe are just the type of people that like being friendly - the sort that come back from their holidays having made friends. My own family aren’t like that at all. We holiday in remote cottages so we don’t have to interact with other people 😂

But maybe they’ve taken the hint and now you’ll have the peace and distance you require. The time to worry is when they start throwing dog shit over the fence! Or they might start complaining about your kids as they grow older and make more noise. Or, as someone said, they might be going through something (recently diagnosed illness, mental health issues, depression etc…) and know that you wouldn’t be in the slightest bit interested in knowing all about it.

Keep the polite smile going on your side and go about your day.

CrimsonStoat · 31/08/2025 13:51

It sounds like you want everything exactly on your terms

This really.

Just be pleased they're finally out of your hair and you dont have to have any further interaction with them.

Bananafofana · 31/08/2025 13:52

Actually blanking you seems like an extreme reaction to your mild rudeness/thoughtlessness of not marking an 80th birthday (I only say it’s thoughtless because you’ve accepted numerous gifts for your children). A cooling off and no more gifts for the children, sure, but to actively blank you is rude in the extreme.

I’d be annoy if I were you OP but I think you’re best off leaving it since you didn’t actually want them in your life.

RosesAndHellebores · 31/08/2025 13:54

Neighbours are neighbours not friends. Good morning, good to see you, cheerio. Never over share, never get involved.

TheCurious0range · 31/08/2025 14:02

I think if you accept gifts you should acknowledge a big birthday. Our neighbour is in her eighties, she always gives DS some money for Christmas/birthday so I make sure to find out it when hers was and do a card and something small, flowers/biscuits. A card and a bottle of something would've gone a long way

nosleepforme · 31/08/2025 14:06

I can see why they’d be upset at no card if they always gift your kids at birthdays and holidays.
but just continue being polite and saying hello

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