Neighbour now being off..

[pittypartay]

Lived in our house 5 years now. We’re a family of 4 with primary aged kids and they’re a retired couple in their late 70s/early 80s.

When we moved in we were very pleasant to them, and they were extremely friendly back. TBH it felt a bit suffocating, and they would knock our door if they hadn’t seen us all weekend type thing. We felt they were a bit relaxed with us, telling us all the details of every aspect of their lives and in turn asking us millions of questions about ours, where we grew up, how our relationship is with our family etc, it felt intrusive.

Over time DH and I pulled away, but we’re always friendly when we needed to be. We tried to be busy but never rude type thing.
Luckily the door knocks stopped and the million questions stopped, but we still had to not give too much or they would start falling back into their old ways. It’s felt like we’ve had to manage the situation in some ways, but it was working and we have felt much more comfortable with the relationship.

However since the last couple of months (it was the man’s 80th but we didn’t know what day and didn’t really think to buy him a card or present), it seems they have really taken offence and now blank us. WWYD? We’re tempted to just accept this as it feels a bit easier but at the same time it feels a bit odd that they now don’t like us at all!

I assume you’re writing a parody of a totally self-centred, obnoxious right-wing person. Well done, you’ve succeeded in sounding ludicrously awful!

But on the small off-chance that you really are such a person: I never said OP was in the wrong or should try to engage with them, just that your way of referring to them, and elderly people in general, is horrible.

A couple of weeks ago I went to the funeral of someone who died, from a longstanding hereditary disability, at the age of 80. Despite some sadness it was a heart-lifting occasion because of all the things people related about how she had spent her adult life. First through her profession and later as a volunteer, she spent all the time she could spare from her beloved family helping to improve the lives of people with mental health problems. She led others to change systems for the better, and worked directly with distressed and hopeless-feeling people. Her kindness and compassion - voluntarily taking on the care of a dying neighbour, for example - were amazing.

I have never met anyone who so obviously left the world a better place for her having been in it.

I only hope someone will be able to say something similar, though on a lesser scale, at my funeral.

Do you ever wonder what will be said at yours?

They are probably hurt that you did not even get him a card for his big landmark birthday seeing as they gave birthday cards and presents to your DC. It would have been a normal reciprocal kindness to post a card through their letterbox, surely?
Why did you not do that OP?

One of my neighbours has dementia and her children live several hundred miles away. Her daughter visits weekly and rings every day but mum does not always answer. Daughter and neighbour 4 hatched a plan for 4 to be keyholder and daughter will ring her if she does not hear from mum. The idea is that 4 will go check up on mum, if necessary letting herself in with the keys.

4 tried to rope me in as a backup keyholder/contact as she has a "very important job" and is often away. I am mobility impaired myself and refused on those grounds. If mum fell I would not be able to lift her and would not want to be sitting there with her awaiting an ambulance. Mum and I have never got on and have had a few arguments which ended in harsh words. I dont think daughter was aware of this poor relationship.

Also I would not feel comfortable going alone into someone's house to check on them as one could be accused of stealing or worse. 4 has a husband who can accompany her and lift a body but I am in my 80s and can just about look after myself. 4 was quite annoyed with me because I refused and tried to guilt me. She left a note on my gate with her number asking me to think it over and let her know. My nephew returned the note and told her very tersely that she was not to contact me further without going via him.

This was about 2 years ago and mum has since moved south to live with her daughter. Meanwhile their 4 bedroom house stands empty and they come up every 2/3 weeks to check on it. Someone has obviously noticed because a few weeks ago there was an attemted burglary. An officer asked me to check the cctv camera on that end but there was nothing visible.

I dont have the head space to become involved with neighbours and their lives so I am happy for them to ignore me.

They don't seem to understand how to keep things polite but not overinvolved. If you manage to earn back their friendliness, you'll probably find yourself having to hold them at arm's length again. I'd just accept things as they are, now. Maintain a normal attitude (polite, mildly friendly) toward them and ignore any coldness. They can do as they please.

They’re just matching your energy. Maybe because you’ve stepped back, they also feel awkward and, like you, think they’ve done something wrong, so to avoid the awkwardness, they’ve decided it’s easier just to totally avoid a neighbourly relationship. Or maybe they’ve heard you discussing them, or found out from other neighbours what you’ve been saying. Guess there could be a million reasons why, but I imagine you’re more comfortable with this than the previous situation.

Utterly irrelevant twaddle.

Furthermore, you might want to read my first post properly seeing as though its somehow triggered you.

I made ZERO reference to them being in any age category, much less directly referring to them as "elderly" or anything else.

🤦‍♂️🙄

Really? No reference at all to their age? So what did "they’ve lived their lives …Life is too short to pander to twats like that, age be damned" mean then?

Keep digging - this is most entertaining.

Enjoy the peace. They sound weird.

I take it that means you can’t explain how that isn’t a reference to their age. Glad you’re enjoying being called out.

I know and work with a lot of elderly and they are not daft, just got the hint that you don't want much to do with them, so you've got what you wanted whats the problem?

Wow, so twice a year they bought your children gifts and you couldn't be bothered to even send a card???
How selfish, not surprised they don't speak to you!!!

I take it that deflection also means that you can’t explain how your words
they’ve lived their lives …Life is too short to pander to twats like that, age be damned
tally with your assertion that
I made ZERO reference to them being in any age category, much less directly referring to them as "elderly" or anything else.

Because to everyone else, it’s 100% obvious that you were referring to their age.

But you can continue to flounder, insult, deny reality and make yourself look silly if you think it’s worth your while.

Remind me again please....who are you that I have to explain my post to?

Keep digging though, you're doing a swell job!

Glad you appreciate my efforts to make sense of your contradictory posts. Shame you don’t think they are "swell" enough to merit a rational explanation of why you denied saying something you are on record as having said, though.

I wouldn’t worry about it. My mother is hot and cold with her neighbour over ridiculous things. I wouldn’t be bothered by it. Just ignore them too.

Are you the Goldilocks of neighbourly relations, OP? 😆 You don’t want them too friendly, but now they’re not friendly enough… do you want things to be just right?!

You’ve got what you wanted: they’re leaving you alone. A phrase about gift horses springs to mind.

No idea what you’re talking about. Goodbye.

Jesus Christ give it a rest you obnoxious person! Crawl back under your rock and do us all a favour! 🙄🙄 You're hijacking a thread and none of us could give 2 shiny shi*s for your ridiculous opinion.

Another one that needs to go back to bed.

Derailing the thread was @Namechangedforgoodreasons - direct your ire there.

I just responded/defended myself against their lies.

I think some people on here are missing the fact that these people were intrusive and their attention was unwanted. We didn’t buy our house because we wanted to live next door to people like them, we were hoping, as I’m sure anyone would, for neighbours who kept themselves to themselves. We’re busy people with jobs who don’t have the time for that kind of relationship. It took them ages to take the hint, to the point we had to manage them as to be honest, we knew they were overly invested in us and a bit volatile and needy. And they have proven us right by now getting shitty because we havent given the man a birthday card..
I really appreciate those that can understand this from my point of view!