Gone from ‘Well Off’ to ‘Completely Skint’? Please tell me about it!

[BenignKipper]

I have had it verrrrrry easy and I knew it. Good professional monthly salary, able to throw stuff in my trolley at M&S Simply Food and not worry about what it would come to, nice wardrobe from Toast and Zadig etc. Are you running a marathon for a good cause? Great, of course I will sponsor you £30 etc etc.

But my circumstances have seriously changed. Salary the same but divorce means I am looking at £10-15 a day disposable income after bills and travel. I’ve pared everything back in my budget and I can survive (obviously).

But I know it will be a shock to my system, emotionally/socially - it seems scary. Has anyone done this? Do you have any tips to navigate it?

It just doesn't make much sense that's all. Are you saying you have chosen to hand over all your equity and savings? Why? The legal system is there to stop you doing that.

Ah the mn competitive poverty, op cannot say she’s skint and experiencing different finances without folk telling her she’s not really skint For sure someone will reference the mumsnet chicken that costs £3 and feed family 4 for 16 days and makes risotto,soup,and rice

This is simply one woman reflecting upon her changed circumstances

I don't think I would ever want my parent(s) to make that level of financial sacrifice for me.

Either you were living at your means (monthly) - so you weren’t ’well off’ (but had resources but wasted them ie spent on ‘brands’ but didn't have savings to same level) and now you live at your new means - still living monthly - so you can still afford clothing and food but of different ‘brands’.

Or you have actual resources (equity in marital property/ proportion of pension / assets in separation). And now you don’t freely spend on ‘brands’ but your life is still relatively well off.

I can’t tell which is which. And you aren’t saying.

If you had a partner for 16+ years and used their income as your own. Yes what you are experiencing is hard. It’s called an adjustment.

If you married the father of your child and you had money that you built wealth with you will be ok. If you spent it on Toast and M&S well you chose to pre load your happiness and lifestyle. But it was your choice.

Good thing you're not my kid then! We discussed options and, as I said, there was originally going to be a bit left over.

She knows she is very lucky and makes the most of it. She is flying where at state she was certainly not. I'd put her education over my shopping any day.

My circumstances are those described in the opening post.

And while I understand that some posters cannot imagine the kind of events that lead from a strong financial situation to a weak one, there are plenty of different routes here (sadly). Re-read the thread if you need more examples.

Sorry, to be clear, it's not the shopping that would bother me it's the precariousness.

You gave all your savings and equity to your ex H? Or neither of you had any?
There's a big gap between the two.

Have only read some of your thread but I do really understand how shit it is to go from being comfortable to skimping!
I had a job that paid for extras for myself and family but now redundant from a care home because owner has fucked off with our wages, pension etc ..residents now shipped off to different homes ,bloody heartbreaking TBH .
I have now lost my security,aged 60s 😥I do need to pick myself up but struggling!!

She’s pre GCSE so what 15? And £££ has been spent on her education to now. Of course she wants to keep things as they are.

Children don’t want to experience change / especially change they can’t quantify (brains don’t fully form until 25).

As her parent you’re supposed to have the intelligence to assess overall long term benefits and make choices accordingly. Statistically and based on research moving locations and saving private education until 6th form would have been better. But yes say that your daughter made the choice to protect you from the fallout.

Thought it would never end. Very naive. I’ve always been feast or famine, would regularly get huge cheques or tax refunds or windfalls or whatever and so never bothered saving, just spent it. Exes or family would always pick up the pieces if it was a time of famine. This time everything dried up as well as the job market, global economy. In some ways I’m really glad it happened as it made me grow up and grow up fast. I’m much more focused and strategic and in control now. So no, never thought I’d need savings.

agree with ration gift giving.. tell family adults you are only buying token gift for under 18s. It's a huge relief. Nice cards or maybe bake some Christmas biscuits.. save that money for your son's presents.

A friend of mine learnt to make Christmas Wreaths (it wasn't that hard) and sold them at Christmas Fairs.. earned a reasonable amount back to spend on Christmas.

look up Martins Money Saving Expert, get the news letter and see if there's anyway to cut regular bills, like phone data and so on.

I like the envelope Idea.. but I think there are some bank accounts which offer this now.. as cash is fading out. A pocket money account for you son so he can earn for chores (might help if you can afford it), then he feels he's got something to fall back on.

I agree with selling stuff you don't need...

Check if you qualify for any benefits, you may not want to claim but it might help once you get back on your feet.

There used to be someone on twitter Jack Munroe... Her tips for budget cooking and freezing etc are on amazon.. a good condition used copy is £0.90 www.amazon.co.uk/Girl-Called-Jack-delicious-recipes-ebook/dp/B00HRKZ6FK?ref_=ast_author_dp

Im sure there are plenty of ideas that appeal on this thread.

Wishing you all the best...

Most of Jack Monroe's recipes are pretty dire tbh. She was never really poor either, just playing at being poor.

@BenignKipper To the posters questioning my circumstances - actually going from well off to broke is not that unusual as others on this thread have demonstrated.

I'm not doubting your circumstances. My question was genuine interest; I wanted to understand how going from married to single decreases someone's living standards.

I'm asking because I'm single, and I suspect me being single is why I feel as if I don't have as much money as other people. So I was asking for further information to understand my own circumstances also.

Thanks for that insight @alondonerabroad - you were fortunate to have partners and family to bail you out. Your situation was sustained through others.

And as you say - better now that you ‘own it’ on your own and life an authentic and viable life. Bravo 👏.

Honestly set the tone now, I can't go out as am a bit stretched for cash. Go out on deals or two for one when it is a special occasion or much needed.

Don't give to charity right now until you become more settled and know you have money to give and when you do it definitely does not need to be as much as £30.

Look at subscriptions. What do you actually need. Could you pay for netflix for a few months then end and then get Disney so you don't have more than one at same time.

Change food shopping habits and look at supermarket own brand eg heinz beans I could not swap but when needed to for financial reasons I actually tried all supermarket brands and found some not far off for less than half the price. Same with cereal instead of crunchy nuts I buy Sainsbury's own brand versions. Not all will work and you may choose not to change some e.g. we have stuck to Yorkshire tea bags but even if you change one or two that's money saved.

Join upto supermarket points schemes / cards and earn points while you shop. Keep an eye on weekly deals through their emails eg this week's top offers.

Good luck. Before you buy anything search online for price comparisons and discount codes or cashback. Hope you get on well.

Have you looked at all your bills to make sure they are all needed. Lots of people pay out for subs etc on DDs which are not really necessary. Have you got best value for utilities and insurances etc? £10 to £15 a day is doable but yes you will need to be more careful. If you only feed your son half the week then it is easily doable for one person.

She started in Y7 and in Y9 the VAT came in. No one knew when it would come in, what would be taxed and how the schools were going to cut it - ours passed it all on but held off raising their fees, others are dribbling it down in bits.
The only people it hasn't affected at all are the super rich.

She has already grown in confidence since being in the smaller classes, she has made friends for life and no bullying or loud boys tipping over tables and taking over the classes. I am assured those will have left the state system by the time she has to rejoin. She is happier to go back into it with kids who actually do want to be there too.

I'd love to see the cited statistics and research that kids like moving for A levels and put into a private school over being there from Y7.

I read as per month but per day is more. If your DS is 16 then surely his father will have to help to support him with clothing expenses, school stuff, etc and you should still get family allowance. You might have to budget more - different supermarkets, batch cook etc. It’s scary but manageable if planned. Good luck x

I haven't read the whole thread, but I have been broke before and living hand to mouth. The best advice I can give is to try and save something, anything you can, even if just a tenner a month. It is so often the unexpected expenses such as a car problem etc that gets you. If your have a smaller fund to help that it won't eat into your income as much as the time. That can be the real killer.

I’m very happy to put my hands up and say research doesn’t cover Y7 - Y9 vs pre GCSE to post GCSE outcomes. So I can’t speak to your individual circumstances.

Long term factors include resource building & resilience which you will no doubt do outside of these few years of private education.

Lots of people do what you did for your DD- private up to GCSEs and then A levels elsewhere.

Universities see the GCSEs first, and good teaching for GCSEs sets up a good foundation for A levels.

Just to add, your DS is old enough for a part time job so that he has some money for socialising, etc.

Oh I know - a lot of girls are already talking about going to schools with boys in...
Dd certainly won't be the only one who is leaving post GCSE, as well as the numbers having to leave already. At least I can hold out until post exams.

It could be fun to have some large pots in which you and dear son can grow your green vegetables and lettuces.
Zucchini, Silverbeet, Broccoli, Cucumbers, Lettuce and Kale are easy and can make all meals cheaper.
Replace meat with canned beans and lentils. Cook with gound beef, chicken thighs or canned tuna often.

Can son find a part time job which gives him more spending money?

Can you find any other work, like dog walking, which fits in with your regular life?