15 year old “dropped” by friends

[Schoolworriesagainandagain]

Not sure what I can do if anything but grateful for advice.

My 15 year old dd had some vile messages from 2 school friends saying they are “dropping her”. She showed me the message it was awful. No reason given. In fact DD just back from a school trip with one of the girls. DD said they had a great time.

These 2 girls are DDs only real friends at school. She is a shy girl and has struggled to make friends at secondary school. I’ve always been a bit worried as these 2 girls have been best friends since primary school and socialise with each others parents - they’re related.

DD never saw them outside of school as they spent all their time with each other and their families however in school they spent lunch and break together.

I have no idea how DD will cope back in school next week without them. They are in her form and lots of lessons and DD said she knows they’re going to be awful to her.

They have reposted horrible videos on TikTok aimed at DD stuff like “when you get rid of that fking b*tch from your friendship group”.

DD hasn’t stopped crying and is so worried about being alone at school. I did email the school asking what support they could provide and they were useless said it “will pass” and the school is full of “lovely girls”. I was hoping for more.

I have told her when she goes back to school to join clubs to make friends, to go to the library at lunch time and to try and make new friends. DD said it’s too late, everyone has their friendship group now & she’s going to be a loner forever. I’m worried she’s right.

Yes it's so good to be able to understand it a bit more, looking back.

OP you may even find your dd finds it empowering to be able to identify some of the roles different so-called friends are taking, roles described in the book - so and so is the queen bee, that person is the wannabe and so on. It can make it obvious just how weak and desperate some of the people in the group are, not really the people with all the power after all.

So heartbroken for all these poor girls, what evil bitches other girls can be, thank god school doesnt last forever.
Just to say, I was in this situation myself more than 50 years ago, at a girls school, bullied by a bunch of girls for 2 years, ostracised by the whole class -
I came close to taking my own life.
Eventually, after a particularly shocking incident, the local authority allowed me to move to a different school, where I immediately fitted in well and made lots of friends.
If bullying persists, I recommend to all parents in this position - take your daughters out of school, to a new school or to home school. Don’t leave it long! if after a couple of months the school hasn’t addressed it, get your girl out of that toxic environment. ASAP.

@Schoolworriesagainandagain i just read your thread, op. How is your daughter doing now?

My DD has also gone through some doubts with friends, thankfully nothing as bad as the OP's DD.

She is at an all girl's grammar too and is Y11.

She developed a lovely set of friends throughout the earlier years, but last year, one of the girls joined a different group, and DD straddled the two, but felt closer to the girl who left the group, and spent more time with the new group.

She is not really close to the 'nice' girls in the group, but gets on with them, but she was closer to the girl from the first group, but she then became closer to another girl in the group and they started mocking DD. They went to get lunch, DD was last in the queue, then they wandered off whilst she was getting hers, leaving her alone.

She noticed that no one has posted in the group chat for weeks, but they often talk about things they've talked about. So it's clear they've set up a new one, but excluded DD from it.

They still try to 'use' DD, e.g, if they go to a clinic at lunch, they ask DD to go with them.

Luckily, she spoke to me a few months ago about the mocking, and how she felt more secure with the first group (luckily she hadn't cut ties with them), so I encouraged her to spend more time with them.

She found out herself, when another girl died. DD was really upset and had the next day off school - not one of the second group reached out to her, but the first group did. I told her then, that is how you know who your real friends are.

That said, I was teased by a girl at school. I reconnected with her in our late 30s. She was the most supportive person to me, when DD2 died, so people can change, but group friendships are especially difficult at this age. They can turn on a knife's edge, and generally there is one who is the most dominant/influential, and sometimes the others go along with it, so they don't get targeted.