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Original poster

New boyfriend had slept with strippers

81 replies

Bluetueaday336 · 26/08/2025 21:39

Hi

Started dating someone lovely who told me they have slept with one stripper on a yearly boys trip (aged 40+) after a painful divorce years ago. Then this changed to two strippers well not strippers because technically they are prostitutes working in strip clubs. He said he still goes on these trips but he would not have any private dances if I was not happy with it and certainly would not cheat. The thing is I see private dancing as cheating because you can touch them so he says. So I said I wouldn’t be happy with him going to strip clubs at all which apparently is unrealistic because that’s where they all end up on these European trips. Then he said ok he wouldn’t go to them at. This is a new relationship and I’m feeling like it’s all a bit much and it’s given me the ick. I get he had a painful divorce and wanted sex without emotions totally understand that but it’s all made me feel a bit ick and made me feel like I can’t live up to these apparently stunning stripper/pros. Oh and I am very open minded sexually done most things and willing to try anything to keep my partner happy.

Thanks in advance xxx

OP posts:
BabyCatFace · 26/08/2025 21:41

I wouldn't have a relationship with a man who thought it was ok to pay for sex, full stop.

Original poster
Bluetueaday336 · 26/08/2025 21:42

I never have before and it’s made me feel confused.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bluetueaday336 · 26/08/2025 21:45

Username was supposed to be Bluetuesday336 lol but rushing it. He is a lovely guy but the fact these men’s trips will continue once a year has made me feel like ewww these are all grown up middle aged men.

OP posts:
NancyJoan · 26/08/2025 21:47

Eww. He is gross. Middle aged men thinking they can buy the consent of much younger women are not good guys.

DOCTORCEE · 26/08/2025 21:47

Any man that thinks it’s ok to pay for sex would be no from me.

Pedallleur · 26/08/2025 21:49

Maybe not that lovely. Will he still be going on a shagfest holiday with the boys? If yes you know what will happen. But you don't need us tell you that.

Original poster
Bluetueaday336 · 26/08/2025 21:50

I thought I would feel that way. I’ve tried to be open minded about it and it’s his past and he was in a bad way. The fact these trips will
continue is what is concerning me.

OP posts:
JuliaSaysHi · 26/08/2025 21:51

You can best believe that he was cheating on his ex wife on these trips. Men who pay for sex are disgusting.

Original poster
Bluetueaday336 · 26/08/2025 21:52

I get it everything you have said screams to me ick and it’s all so misogynistic and objectifying of women!

OP posts:
NapoleonsToe · 26/08/2025 21:53

Why try be open minded about a man who buys the consent of younger women? He's disgusting. And he's told you he isn't going to stop.

suki1964 · 26/08/2025 21:54

Can you not put on your big girls knickers and have the conversation that goes - I understand you have a past history - as do I - but if we are to be exclusive - no more sex with strangers, paid or otherwise?

Original poster
Bluetueaday336 · 26/08/2025 21:54

Why does he even need to go on these trips if he is in a satisfied and loving relationship, I just don’t get it?!

OP posts:
ScurryfungeSpuddle · 26/08/2025 21:57

Bluetueaday336 · 26/08/2025 21:54

Why does he even need to go on these trips if he is in a satisfied and loving relationship, I just don’t get it?!

He doesn't need to.

It's a power trip.

A selfish 'I want, so I'll have'.

Pedallleur · 26/08/2025 21:58

Bluetueaday336 · 26/08/2025 21:54

Why does he even need to go on these trips if he is in a satisfied and loving relationship, I just don’t get it?!

Why do men have mistresses, cheat etc? They can/want to. Nothing to do with a relationship. Plenty on here to tell you this

LoudlyProudlyHorrid · 26/08/2025 21:59

If that's what he always does and he thinks it's ok, you can't ask him to stop doing it and he won't anyway.
You're not going to be able to trust him.

Original poster
Bluetueaday336 · 26/08/2025 21:59

Oh I’ve made it clear I’m not happy and apparently if he goes on these trips again he won’t go to the strip clubs at all….
believe me I am super confrontational and have expressed I am not happy about any of this past. Apparently he didn’t go on these trips ever when he was married. His wife cheated and they divorced and he was heart broken for a long time apparently.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bluetueaday336 · 26/08/2025 21:59

I agree paying for sex is gross!

OP posts:
Original poster
Bluetueaday336 · 26/08/2025 22:03

I agree if he goes I won’t be able to trust him, I know I won’t but will he then not go at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bluetueaday336 · 26/08/2025 22:04

Even sitting watching women strip would piss me right off!!!

OP posts:
Pedallleur · 26/08/2025 22:06

Doesn't matter what we think. You will always doubt him. Good news is you have a choice early in the relationship

suki1964 · 26/08/2025 22:06

@Bluetueaday336

Walk away

This mans way of getting sex, treating women , doesn't align with yours

Walk now]

Because you are on a hiding to nowhere trying to change him

Walk now before you even invest another thought

GoldDuster · 26/08/2025 22:06

Bluetueaday336 · 26/08/2025 22:03

I agree if he goes I won’t be able to trust him, I know I won’t but will he then not go at all.

You're damned either way. If he goes on the annual "boys trip", you know he'll be paying for sex, something that you find gross. If he doesn't go because you tell him not to he'll be resentful, and it will be somehow your fault.

I would not find any man who had paid for sex attractive in the slightest and it would be over for me.

Original poster
Bluetueaday336 · 26/08/2025 22:08

We’ve had this big convo he said he won’t go to the strip clubs he wants a loving trusting relationship, so why even go on these trips, these are grown men with wives who he said has witnessed going off with women and thinks it’s wrong but he was single……still wrong tho in my eyes.

OP posts:
theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 26/08/2025 22:08

Ooh no

You can do better OP. He'll bring you back an STD as a prezzie. Who needs that.

NapoleonsToe · 26/08/2025 22:09

suki1964 · 26/08/2025 21:54

Can you not put on your big girls knickers and have the conversation that goes - I understand you have a past history - as do I - but if we are to be exclusive - no more sex with strangers, paid or otherwise?

I'm pretty sure the OP hasn't paid for sex with younger (or even similar age) men.

No women's standards should ever be so low that they are happy to be with a man who thinks it's fine to buy consent.

The women he had sex with were likely trafficked, so not only did he buy consent, the women weren't actually in a position to ever give consent freely. There's a word for that.