So apparently I'm having 18 people for a lunch party on Monday.

[Womblealongwithme]

DH and I were supposed to be at a party 3 weeks ago and unfortunately, I came down with a sickness bug so DH went on his own.

He has just reminded me about the bank holiday party we're having on Monday and asked what I needed him to do for it. Except I wasn't at the party and knew nothing about said party. DH is the loveliest, kindest man on the planet and was diagnosed with ADHD about 10 years ago, which means that sometimes, he has conversations with me in his head, that don't quite make it to me! (Like inviting all and sundry to said bank holiday party!) So, dear readers, I need ideas from you lot quickly. We don't have a barbecue so I have my fridge and an oven and not a lot of kitchen space.

Add to that, that most of tomorrow will be taken up with various sporting activities for DS and DD so I don't have a whole lot of time, pretty much Monday morning only! Oh and it needs to cater for vegetarian and coeliac guests. Help!

Disclaimer - DH will absolutely be involved in prep and feel awful that he has sprung this on me!

And people are imprecise in their language.

But the tone of her posts were that she was ok with it. Whatever the specifics were.

And if, at some point, she becomes not OK with it, that can be addressed then.

But, if it were completely true and happened exactly as she described and she were just feeling a little bit overwhelmed with the amount that needed doing, people posting and berating him for his actions and her for putting up with it won't have been helpful.

They'll have just added to the cognitive load of an already "Argh!" situation when all she wanted was a bit of a "You've (both) got this!"

Personally, I suspect it didn't go ahead, if it were real in the first place. Catering for an uncomfirmed event following a casual invitation at another get together 3 weeks previously seems highly unlikely to me. Most people would have waited for a follow up confirmation.

But she didn't ask whether people thought they would attend.

Maybe they're both as bonkers as each other.
Or maybe none of it was real.

You dont get to draw the Op's boundaries on her behalf.

In my book she's been remarkably restrained in the face of persistent highhanded disapproval and judgement of her choices and outright goading.

One thing that didn't happen was the party. Neither OP nor DH checked he hadn't imagined he invited the guests, just like he had imagined he told OP about it.

If a friend of mine’s dappy DH proffered an off the cuff verbal invite to 18 people I certainly wouldn’t take it seriously until I had confirmed with his wife it was happening. I would also confirm my attendance nearer the time and ask what to bring.

If not one guest bothered on either front - the invite didn’t happen or no-one took it seriously.

He was almost certainly very drunk, and probably has some vague recollection of saying you should all come to us on bh Monday. Not a formal invite, and clearly one that wasn’t taken seriously.

I agree, the party didn't end up happening.

I've read so many comments about people hating when an OP doesn't update so here I am. I said I would bow out because I didn't really feel like being a punching bag for the snide keyboard warriors who no doubt post 'be kind' on their social media. It's beyond me why anyone would think a thread about a buffet, of all things, would be a hoax. It's a buffet. I could have explained a lot of other things about the situation too but then you're accused of drip feeding/etc etc and quite frankly, I don't feel that I or anyone else should have lay bare every part of their life just so that other people aren't dicks. It's just tiresome and you can't win, they'll find something anyway; some posters just make stuff up in their head as I'm sure some comments after this post will show. I'll be a liar etc etc. 🤷

Anyway, it went fine, most people responded to my WhatsApp message yesterday and we had 14 in the end. People brought booze, although we had plenty of wine and beer etc., (we never ask people to bring food) and we had salads, breads, pate, charcuterie board, cheese board, chicken skewers and veggie platter. Gluten free bread and crackers for coeliac guest and most of the rest was gluten free anyway as we thought it would be easier. Pudding was fruit and cream with meringues.

DH and I both did the food (disappointing to some I'm sure, who declared that I would be left to do it myself as I'm just a skivvy).

It's such a shame that some posters take the most innocuous of questions and turn it into something that it really isn't. The certainty with which some posters declare a situation to be, based on breadcrumbs, is just so odd. 'Shouting' down, name calling and attempts to really tear a person down is hardly new on Mumsnet, I've been here a long time and will remain, but it's kind of sad that some people (and it is mostly women on here) feel the need to try to make someone else feel shit to feel good about themselves. Thankfully, I'm a pretty secure person.

Again, thank you to the posters who understood that I was just asking a question about buffet food. 😂 Over and out.

great to hear it all went well, @Womblealongwithme . This thread got a bit batshit towards the end. So much projecting!! It seems that some posters simply cannot comprehend that there is a fair bit of give and take and tolerance in a happy marriage.

I can just see my husband issuing a similar invitation - the difference being that, not having ADHD, he would have added “I’ll confirm once I’ve checked with Womble”, and he definitely would have told me straightaway. But we would have sorted lunch together, like you guys.

Still somewhat puzzled that none of your friends got in touch to confirm though…

OP, I’m glad you had a good time.
I think the reason your thread hit a chord is many women are very tired of the expectation (societal, male, otherwise) that they should be “good natured” and chill about men being unhelpful or worse in the domestic sphere. It’s infantilising too.

@Womblealongwithme Welcome back! Your return is much appreciated, and the update sounds great.

Well done! Sounds perfecto. 👍

@Enrichetta thats the bit I don’t get about the guests not communicating beforehand. Surely at least some of them would be in a friendship WhatsApp group and have communicated something in the last 3 weeks.

Pleased to hear it worked out, but we're still in the dark about whether DH imagined inviting them or not. OP - not DH - WhatsApped and they responded. Not a whisper beforehand.

I dont think it really matters whether you get it or not.
They had a Bank Holiday gathering. People were fed.

I'm glad it worked out and you had a good Bank Holiday

Oh it does matter. OP put on Mumsnet that DH sprung it on her, and has problems communicating. We want to know if the guests knew.

It doesnt really matter though does it? The Op was fine.

Maybe the friends are as bad at communicating as the DH!

Wonder what would have happened if DH hadn't remembered in time, would friends have turned up without any communication

My guess is that nothing would have happened. OP's WhatsApp message might have been their first definite invite.

It really doesn’t! All went well, we don’t need a full scale inquiry.

Speak for yourself.

Thanks for the update. Glad it went well!

I think you will find it more likely that it was the absurd fuckwittery of a multitude of posters spouting absolute bollocks about her being hopelessly besotted with Andrew Tate's doppelganger and willing to fry her own kidneys to please him when in fact she only wanted some ideas what to serve her friends...

Pate was a great choice. I'd have been well impressed with that inspired choice op!